Just met this girl yesterday, how to proceed?

[oldskool83]

stop using freaking facebook dude! i told you to get her rnumber.

you had another perfect shot at the cafe, id of said well next time your sitting here why dont ya let me know then it wont be boring again, btw heres ny number or somthing.

you honestly sound like a tool using facebook, everyone texts now days. now listen to me when ya meet the third girl and STOP asking for facebook, if they like you they will find you after your talking to them, trust me! ****ing a, i think they need to have a class in college about how to not creep people out, you need a good switf kick in ass.

[richardwordoff]

Pestering her during class? She was on facebook for god's sake. It isn't like she didn't respond in the first place. I wasn't even complaining about that anyway because that seemed normal.
Text messages are "free" when they're included in a plan. I don't know any girls that have limited texting plans. She was texting away when she was at that meeting anyway.

"First off, as public as her number might have been, you didn't have permission to use it. Next time, ask first." You're right. I knew better but just didn't have any patience or self control. If there ever is a next time I'll keep that in mind. I've probably developed quite the reputation for being a jackass in the building where I take classes though, screwed up with 5 girls in the past two months. Maybe I should just go to a different university.

Fair enough with the second girl. I guess I've never really had a girl flirt with me before so I'm trying to read too much into things and make attraction where there isn't. After one girl my junior year in high school didn't work out I decided that the only way I was going to ever ask a girl out again was if she showed me very obvious signs of interest. So for the last year or high school and the first two years of college I didn't really speak to girls at all, which was just as well because they never showed any interest in me. Perhaps I should just not ask girls out anymore and just be friends with them, at least that way I'll never make a jackass or myself again.

Ugh, I have wasted both high school and college. If I don't meet anyone before I get out of college (I should already be out by now anyway) then that will probably be the end of my chances. I'm not going to be meeting any women working in the computer technology sector. I know this because there aren't even any girls in COLLEGE anywhere around the computer technology classes. Plus, even if I did meet anyone I've got no relationship experience. I'm sure all those attractive women out there are going to remain interested in a guy who has never had a girlfriend when they're ready to settle down and get married. Attractive older women just love guys with the relationship skills of a teenager.

Andariel: yes, I know it came across as creepy. However, I guess I felt like I wasn't ever going to get to talk to her on facebook since she was only online for like 2 minutes yesterday. What should I have done, waited to chat with her a couple more times on facebook, or at least just send her FB messages? When, how (what would I have said?) would I have gotten her number later? I guess the other thing that freaked me out is that she is a senior with only this semester left to go and I felt like if I didn't work fast she'd just graduate and that would have been it anyway.

The second girl: yeah, in retrospect she was probably just saying something so she didn't feel weird with me just sitting there. She was just being friendly but how would I have known any different? If she doesn't want to give out a facebook or email then why would she contact me via facebook, email or phone? She would effectively be giving that information to me that way. After she said "thanks for sitting here, it's normally so boring!" I should have said "yeah, I usually eat by myself too. Maybe we can talk again if you're in here Thursday". How does that sound?

[Yet another guy]

A lot of girls are really cautous about giving out their number/email/FB to someone they have just met. Best approach in similar situations: don't ask for her number.Say you enjoyed meeting her and would be great if you could hang out sometime.Then give her your number or email or FB and ask her to contact you if she wants to meet for a coffee or something.

I disagree with this. If a guy is into a girl and gives her his number, but the girl isn't that much interested, the guy will be left hanging indefinitely because the girl will never call. Actually, I find it unlikely that the girl would call even if she does have some interest. It's far better to be turned down right away. If a girl would find a guy creepy because he asked her contact information, she definitely won't contact him if she gets his. Therefore it's always best to ask for the girls number instead.

I bet that a lot of girls find the less direct way of communication, that you suggest, more creepy.

[richardwordoff]

I wish there was a damn class about how not to screw shit up, I needed to take that when I was in high school.

I didn't ask her for her number (first girl) because I thought that that would have freaked her out. I thought facebook was more casual and I could talk to her a few times and ask for her number later. Guess it doesn't matter since I went against my better judgment and did that awkward texting shit. No, she blew me off to begin with. Every other text before I told her who I was she answered in like a minute.

oldskool83: How did I have a perfect shot if she wouldn't even give me a facebook or email? How would giving her my number made her any more receptive? If she didn't want me to have a facebook or email then why would she give me her number by texting me? And if I just said "well, if you're in here next time we can talk again" without asking for the number there would be no guarantee I'd see her because she could a) eat her lunch just a little bit earlier or later and I'd miss her or b) sit in an entirely different spot (cafeteria is huge)

You guys obviously know a lot more about this than me. Please tell me how to quit being a jackass. That girl in the cafeteria just flat turned me down IMO, but that first girl I might have actually had a shot with if I hadn't been a damn fool.

[surfhb]

I disagree with this. If a guy is into a girl and gives her his number, but the girl isn't that much interested, the guy will be left hanging indefinitely because the girl will never call. Actually, I find it unlikely that the girl would call even if she does have some interest. It's far better to be turned down right away. If a girl would find a guy creepy because he asked her contact information, she definitely won't contact him if she gets his. Therefore it's always best to ask for the girls number instead.

I bet that a lot of girls find the less direct way of communication, that you suggest, more creepy.

Yep! Exactly! Ladies?

[Andariel]

Andariel: yes, I know it came across as creepy. However, I guess I felt like I wasn't ever going to get to talk to her on facebook since she was only online for like 2 minutes yesterday. What should I have done, waited to chat with her a couple more times on facebook, or at least just send her FB messages? When, how (what would I have said?) would I have gotten her number later? I guess the other thing that freaked me out is that she is a senior with only this semester left to go and I felt like if I didn't work fast she'd just graduate and that would have been it anyway.

The second girl: yeah, in retrospect she was probably just saying something so she didn't feel weird with me just sitting there. She was just being friendly but how would I have known any different? If she doesn't want to give out a facebook or email then why would she contact me via facebook, email or phone? She would effectively be giving that information to me that way. After she said "thanks for sitting here, it's normally so boring!" I should have said "yeah, I usually eat by myself too. Maybe we can talk again if you're in here Thursday". How does that sound?

Personally, I am not a big FB fan. I only use it for very close friends and family. I do understand though that other people prefer to use it a lot. In this case, I would have just send her a casual message saying you 'enjoyed meeting her the other night and you would like to see her again over _insert activity_ sometime. My number is _insert number_, I would love to hear from you' and would have left it at that.If she was interested she would get in touch with you. Just don't come across as too eager.Show interest but in a cool, rather than a desperate, way.

2nd girl: Let's assume she liked you and wasn't just being polite and that she is also not the type of girl who easily hands out her contact details. If you gave her your contact details without asking for hers you would show her that you are not some pushy creep who will keep pestering her with calls etc until he got a response. This has happended to me many times in the past, and as a result I have to rrrrreally now like a guy to even think about parting with my phone number. If they give me theirs I feel a lot more at ease and sometimes I will then give them my number as well spotaneously! It's just a case of not feeling threatened I guess.

I appreciate you're worried about missing out on opportunities but girls can smell depseration a mile away!And noone wants to date a desperate guy (or girl for that matter). Try being more patient. Let them come to you instead of pursuing them all the time.You might be pleasantly surprised by the results! ;-)

[Yet another guy]

Pestering her during class? She was on facebook for god's sake.

That doesn't mean she has time to have conversations.

Text messages are "free" when they're included in a plan. I don't know any girls that have limited texting plans.

You never know when you've met your first.

Attractive older women just love guys with the relationship skills of a teenager.

Really? Just how old are we talking about? Or was that sarcasm?

[Yet another guy]

Let them come to you instead of pursuing them all the time.

That... doesn't really happen except to really attractive guys.

[Andariel]

That... doesn't really happen except to really attractive guys.

I meant that after he has approached a girl (as with girl #2), he could give the girl his contact details and then let her contact him, instead of him asking for her number and then doing all the pursuing himself.

[Yet another guy]

I meant that after he has approached a girl (as with girl #2), he could give the girl his contact details and then let her contact him, instead of him asking for her number and then doing all the pursuing himself.

Chances of her contacting would have been extremely slim.

[Andariel]

Chances of her contacting would have been extremely slim.

I would imagine he would have more chances of being contacted by her if he did not sound desperate. He would look more like a guy who is confident enough to approach a girl without being too pushy/desperate though.Essentially the type of guy that would intrigue her and hopefully make her want to have the chance of getting to know him better.

[richardwordoff]

surfhb, you know what, you're right. I should have shut the hell up after she ignored me. My instinct now is to apologize (not beg for forgiveness). Should I? Something like: "hey her_name. I should have asked you if using your number was ok first. Sorry for kind of being a douche". On the other hand I feel like bringing it up again could make it worse. I at least want to apologize for acting like a douche about though.

[surfhb]

surfhb, you know what, you're right. I should have shut the hell up after she ignored me. My instinct now is to apologize (not beg for forgiveness). Should I? Something like: "hey her_name. I should have asked you if using your number was ok first. Sorry for kind of being a douche". On the other hand I feel like bringing it up again could make it worse. I at least want to apologize for acting like a douche about though.

Of course Not! Its over....forget about her and move on...just dont do it to the next girl. A guy should only ask once or call once.

[searock]

Yeah, I don't think you should bring it up again. Don't contact her again, it would make you seem even more desperate. The fact that you wanted to "work fast" cause this is her last semester tells that you are, and she sensed it. If she's interested, she's got your facebook and your number: she'll contact you. If she isn't, contacting her again would only creep her out more.

Try not to think about stuff like "omg if I don't find a girl before (whatever) then I'll never have a girl ever!" cause that just leads to you being desperate, and it shows. You don't need a girlfriend in order to be happy, try to put yourself in this (truthful) mindset instead. Don't go hunting for opportunities, good things happens when you don't expect it.

[ladiesfirst]

Sounds like you know what you're doing! Good luck!