My long distance bf broke up with me via skype messages, but I am coming home on Frid

[Sonrisa]

Any other perspectives?
I just sent him a message after the request saying "nvm about the meeting, im done"
but this is not fair to me at all!
i need closure.
when im home im going to call him and ask him to meet me for at least 20 min!!! i feel like i deserve this o_O.. a face to face break up.

Jess, there's no such thing as closure. what you feel is an emotional and sexual attachment and your brain is rejecting the thought of your favourite toy being taken away. Control your feelings and find a new boy.

[sadie_genie]

Jess, there's no such thing as closure. what you feel is an emotional and sexual attachment and your brain is rejecting the thought of your favourite toy being taken away. Control your feelings and find a new boy.

Ya. The more you see him, the more you can't get over him anyways. You actually remind me of an ex who just kept asking to see me one last time, and then that turns into 2nd last time, and then 3rd last time...You just need to get over him with no contact.

[Jessica1]

okay, i'll pull away. I already sent the message that cancelled my request.

[Jessica1]

he's a coward -__-

[Sonrisa]

all men are, girlie.

[Jessica1]

pkay soo I spoke to his sister and then him today....
I basically learned that he's bipolar >.< like legit mental illness. and his sister was like "I know how he can get, he has periods where he treats me like crap and I can handle it. you can't, it's best to leave. he called me today saying how much he missed you. im sorry to be the break up artist but you dont deserve to be treated the way he treats me when he has his bipolar periods"
I spoke to him today on the phone and omg he sounded so emotional. i've never like heard him like that. he said he missed me and didnt want to break up but blah blah
and i was like "im like you a lot and im willing to support you through whatever. i just didnt understand why you were suddenly so cold, distant"

[Sonrisa]

pkay soo I spoke to his sister and then him today....
I basically learned that he's bipolar >.< like legit mental illness. and his sister was like "I know how he can get, he has periods where he treats me like crap and I can handle it. you can't, it's best to leave. he called me today saying how much he missed you. im sorry to be the break up artist but you dont deserve to be treated the way he treats me when he has his bipolar periods"
I spoke to him today on the phone and omg he sounded so emotional. i've never like heard him like that. he said he missed me and didnt want to break up but blah blah
and i was like "im like you a lot and im willing to support you through whatever. i just didnt understand why you were suddenly so cold, distant"

ughm..how long have you known him?

[reetmmy]

That's pretty weak of him to break up via IM. I'd let him make the decision, if he wants to talk about it then he'll tell you, i wouldn't go chasing it.

[Jessica1]

EH I should have listened! I'm home asked to see and he says he's sick!! Been sick for Friday, Saturday, Sun. Asswipe. I'm done.

[MaidenMinx]

Honey, walk away. Being bipolar and recently diagnosed means that at this point he has little to no control over how he feels, thinks or acts at times, which explains the disappearing act before the break up. Being diagnosed bipolar would have made him feel like crap (depression is nasty enough, the depressive side of bipolar can hit without warning and take a person into quite a deep dark pit). He would not be able to bear seeing you at the moment.

You need no further explanation. This is a genuine "It's not you, it's me" situation. Take some time to lick your wounds and move on.

[Jessica1]

the night before, he asked to skype with me and seemed in a good mood...that's why I went through with it >.<
I am not sure if he was recently diagnosed though...his sister made it seem like he had for awhile but it's off and on over long periods of time.
I'm moving on. He's frustrating me..I told him that I'd support him through his illness but he's not accepted my love/support be/c he's constantly pushing me away.
two night before our skype session he wrote "yea theres a lot of stuff that im not just ready to talk about. stuff that i'm the only one who knows. i kinda dont like thinking about it bec thats where all these mixed emotions ( he was referring to whether or not we should be together) stem from."
i then say "tell me when you're ready"
and then he's like "i will someday. but not today"

WTF does that mean?/sound like??

[MaidenMinx]

Ok, even if the diagnosis wasn't recent, is this the first time he's hit the depressed end of the scale that you have seen? Is he usually a li'l hyper and all over the place? Maybe almost too happy?

Most people with mental illness aren't particularly fond of talking about it, especially if they otherwise seem 'normal'. Being so young, it's unlikely he has fully accepted this part of himself, some people with bipolar never do.

Without knowing him or you or being able to sit inside his head and hear his thought, it's hard to say what that sounds like. He could be reffering to simply how he thinks, there may be something that has happened or something he has done.... BUT at this point that is all irrelevant.

What is relevant is that he needs time to focus on himself. He is not mentally or emotionally prepared to be in a relationship at the moment and may never be. He may simply consider himself too much of a drain on people to be with anyone, which is not an uncommon thought process for people with bipolar.

What is also relevant is that none of this is your fault. There is nothing you could have done to change the outcome.

What you need to do now is decide how far you want to pull away. Mental illnesses can be very draining on the people that help care for the people that have them. I am prone to depression and anxiety that can keep me practically housebound and stuck to the couch for weeks at a time which can wear on my husband (he truly is a God send). Your ex needs some space, he'd be feeling terribly guilty about what he's putting you through but I think it would help him to know that you don't hate him for it, if you are prepared to be there in some way for him.

Also, if you realise that you can't be there for him, THAT IS OK. YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU! That is in capitals to help prevent you from feeling obligated to be there. You have no obligation to him whatsoever. It's up to you to choose what you want to do from here.
*hugs*

[Jessica1]

thank you, this really put things into perspective.
his actions have been very hurtful (ignoring me, sending me a confusing, long text asking for space, talking in circles) but now I understand.
I feel like a *** for nagging him and stuff...I have a feeling that he isn't going to initiate contact for awhile (i might be wrong) but will it be a good idea to send a text that says: "I'm sorry for ignoring your request for space in the beginning. i was very hurt and confused when your behavior suddenly changed but I just wanted to let you know that I don't hate you for it. I undestand that you're probably not emotionally fit to be in a relationship right now and although I don't agree with the way you asked, I respect your decision. Although we're not in a relationship anymore, I care for you and I'm only a phone call away if you need support (if you even want to still speak to me lmao). Take care <3"
should I text him this? i'll edit it to make it sound better of course lol

Im just at a lost be/c I was throwing away the things he gave to me today and I have quite a few expensive things from him. We're not rich and he's frugal yet he bought me an expensive (for HS kids lol, a few hundred dollars) necklaces with our names engraved in it..like just a month before we broke up. And idk his behavior is just so sudden. is this common for bipolar people?

Also, yes he mentioned that in 11th grade, he had a serious bout with depression. I did notice that he was quiet, to himself and, honestly I don't remember ever holding a convo with him although he was in one of my small seminar like classes.

[MaidenMinx]

Sudden changes in behaviour are quite common for people with bi-polar. I do suggest you do some research on the condition just so you can get your head around it all.

I like your text idea but it can be so much simpler. "I'm sorry I didn't respond so well when you asked for space. I understand better now and what you to know I am here for you if you ever need me" Avoid saying anything that will contribute to him feeling like he is broken or sick.

I hope in time you can look back on this time with almost fondness. Don't throw away the more expensive gifts. Maybe even offer them back to him if you really don't want them.

I hope your heart mends soon.

[Jessica1]

you've been a great help! thank you.
I promise that this is the last question haha, but what happens when a bipolar person goes back to "normal". do they suddenly regret ending a relationship? have you regretted actions?