What am I going to do now? Clueless.

[greentea11]

Calling you delusional is harsh. She could have said naive. But you know what we are all naive at points in our lives. Just consider it a learning experience.

[smackie9]

She wasn't being naive at all......she knew exactly what was going on. She just wouldn't agree with the little voice in the back of her head.

[IndiReloaded]

Update - My friend started to bargain with me, saying he could only give me 300 $ and if this would be ok.

I just said I am very sorry that he can't do itand that we have to wait then until he is ready.

I really enjoy reading posts like this. You are well on your way to being a respectable, respected woman. Kudos.

But I know I did the right thing. After I wrote, he kind of stepped back and said I am right. He should invest what he has in his art, hopefully make some sales and when things go better, then we should think about meeting.

I might have just put it in a total wrong context or maybe the only way to keep someone interested who is used to women always say yes, is to say no and set the boundaries. .

You certainly did [do the right thing]. If he really cared about your relationship, he would invest in it. Everyone has choices about where they spend their time and money. I don't think you are putting this in a wrong context, you called it exactly right. He was certainly trying to get a free ride (or nearly so) out of you.

BTW, the boundaries are for your own self-respect. Nothing to do with 'keeping him interested'. A man who had your own interests at heart would never ask for what he did. Its insulting. Think about it. For all you know, he needed the other $$ so he could pay his 'share' to visit other women he was scamming a free ticket from.

[MarieCee]

Brush it off. It was a good experience to have.
Tell him you are sorry and move on.

[Mona_B]

Thanks to all of you. Good input, even when it is a little harsh sometimes :-).

However, I am no hero. It hurts. But I am standing my ground. A few emails went back and forth and the last I heard was, that it isn't working with me because I think he is taking advantage of me... Well, there is still the one percent in me who likes to believe I am doing him wrong. But only 1%, so it is not going to change my mind. I did write back for what it is worth, but I guess I know that was it. The little devil in me want to play payback and fill him in on what I know. But I know this would be totally wrong. Just not sure if it won't happen when I get a real pissed moment. I just remind myself if I want to go this road, I'll be better emotionally finished. And what would be the point then?

I don't think so much of it as scam, but a game to get around cheap and get layed. Possibly there are enough women who don't care doing this. So I am licking my wounds, but I know what I really need now is a date with a real man and get a little loving. Not for life but for the moment ;-). I am working on it, LOL.

[Mona_B]

I really enjoy reading posts like this. You are well on your way to being a respectable, respected woman. Kudos.



You certainly did [do the right thing]. If he really cared about your relationship, he would invest in it. Everyone has choices about where they spend their time and money. I don't think you are putting this in a wrong context, you called it exactly right. He was certainly trying to get a free ride (or nearly so) out of you.

BTW, the boundaries are for your own self-respect. Nothing to do with 'keeping him interested'. A man who had your own interests at heart would never ask for what he did. Its insulting. Think about it. For all you know, he needed the other $$ so he could pay his 'share' to visit other women he was scamming a free ticket from.

Yesterday I was out for a beer with a friend who has very little money himself. He asked how things were going and I told him the story. He just looked at me and said: "You know, if I had a friend in the States I care for and she would make me such a generous offer, I would make damn sure I get my part togethe and not ask for more. You can do it, even when you have only a little money, just stash a little away every month". Enough said.

[Mona_B]

She wasn't being naive at all......she knew exactly what was going on. She just wouldn't agree with the little voice in the back of her head.

I am afraid you are right, because I am not naive. Just didn't want to see. But maybe a little naive because I don't understand what is going on in these peoples mind and soul. I am too straight for that.

[smackie9]

Some people are only out for themselves.....selfish you know? They are like predator seeking out the vulnerable (the internet is a great tool for this)....and when they find one or even a few, they know how to work you over, saying the right things, finding your weaknesses. Some would even call this psychopathic behavior....lack of empathy, con artist. At least you put an end to it before it sunk you even further.

[Mona_B]

Well, he isn't psychopathic or a con artist, that much I know :-). I call it egocentric behaviour and having it used to have it his way. To my surprise he wasn't backing off, we argued and still are debating. That makes me think if it would only be about a cheap vacation and getting layed, I would be too much trouble. It is clear that us together would be a bumpy road, a con artist would just look for easier prey. But apart from my mistrusting and this whole money story this is something to think about also. Having someone coming for two weeks from far away if we already know that there is potential for conflicts. Someone who is at least a little excentric and difficult. And I am not the easiest person in the world too.

And I am not willing to give in anyway what the money is concerned. As a matter of principle. If he is so broke that he can't afford it, then it is not possible to travel. I don't want to feel I am "buying" a man, even if this would not be the truth. But feelings are not rational.

I believe it isn't so much using me, it is that he was having it too easy with the "struggling artist" line and the good looks, there are enough women who just go for that. Now he is falling from heaven because it doesn't work with me like that. It isn't the first time we ran into conflicts with eachother, it took a lot of work from both sides to find an understanding. The good thing of it is that I was able to detach myself more and reevaluate my expectations. I am ready to let it go if I have too. We are trying now to find some consense, but I have no idea if it works.