I was skeptical...but it's working!

[C1d6OC]

I think I'm going to check out this article and see where I stand...lol

[C1d6OC]

I just felt like posting to tell everyone that I'm doing the same (GREAT). Just a quick update. Since my last post I had considered unblocking my ex with MSN mainly because if she contacted me, I know I'll be ready this time. I have unblocked her and it's almost been a week and nothing so far. I'm not too concerned particularily because I am honestly enjoying being single. I just want to say that although things may have seemed so torn apart and the world seemed like it was caving in, things do get better with "TIME". Time heals all wounds...this is true. Things do get better. Learn from your experiences, because they are there for the taking.

I have read many posts when I first started in this forum and have taken the advice of many. I want to thank those people for their efforts and consideration. I will keep you all posted if something changes. Thanks again.

Cdoc

[Tonia2]

Wow... that sounds so great. It is really reassuring to see someone a little further along the journey - and that we ALL get there in the end. I really believe that. These people have less and less ability to get under our skin. I am proud of you! Pretty text book behaviour really. How would you feel if she did come back and say she wanted to give it another go?

[C1d6OC]

How would you feel if she did come back and say she wanted to give it another go?

To be quite honest, I think it would totally depend on the situation. As it stands right now, I would not only because of how things are going with me. Maybe in time. But right now, I miss her and still care about her, but not enough to risk what I have right now and that's my own dignity.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there would have to be a lot of changes if this was to work again, because I've adjusted quite a lot and I like my adjustments. I don't intend on changing them. And for all I know, she could have changed quite a bit too. I really have no idea.

This is the best answer I can give you for now.

Cdoc

[Tonia2]

Sounds pretty sorted and positive - well done. Certainly sounds like you would only have her back on your terms, which is what we are all striving to achieve.

[C1d6OC]

Ok, this is a REAL update. So I was on MSN last night talking away to friends and out of nowhere, my ex contacted me. Said she wanted to talk. So I said that I would prefer it not over MSN. She said fine. I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She said that she is really upset and needs someone to talk to. Figures she chooses me. Anyway, I'm doing great with my life so I just say if you want you can call me. She says "if you don't mind". So right away, I know she's afraid to talk, but I say "I don't mind". So 10 minutes later she calls. Apparently since the breakup, she has been doing real bad in school. She gets excellent marks always and now she seems to be dropping quite a bit. Ironic, considering the fact that because she was stressed and didn't have time for school was one of the reasons she broke up with me. Anyway, I was fine the whole conversation and she was crying throughout. She feels like she's been punished for breaking up with me. So here is what I told her.

I told her that she shouldn't look at this like she was being punished. Instead, I said people go through this and you shouldn't stress yourself so much over it. You have to focus more. I even said that as long as you feel you did your best, then that's all that matters. The more you stress about it, the less you will improve. It's true. Anyways, I said that she had a great head on her shoulders and just get back up and keep going. I can't believe that I was so calm with my words. Nervous, but calm. I felt like I handled this quite well.

Anyways, she said I was right and thanked me for the talk. I told her that she doesn't have to be afraid to talk to me and at one point I non-intentionally made her laugh.

After speaking to my family, my mom thinks it could be a sign. I don't want to think about it too much, but any thoughts would be nice. I'm still doing great with my life and I want her to do the same. But it doesn't appear that way for her. I also feel that she has family and friends that she could talk to, but came to me instead. I don't get it. I'm not sure if I ever will, but after the phone call, I was fine and not depressed or anything. The rest of the evening went well and I went to a movie with friends. Anyways, as requested, please give me your thoughts.

Cdoc

[Tonia2]

All I can say is that you have handled it brilliantly! I don't know what she is feeling, but you will probably be making yourself irresistible to her with the way that you are behaving. You will have really made her curious - she is probably expecting you to be a mess without her, and she will probably be quite bemused that you are not. I would imagine that she expected you to be bashing her door down after the breakup, and has used this as a spurious excuse to contact you and see how you were doing.

How are you feeling about it? Do you care one way or the other?

[C1d6OC]

Tonia, I think that I knew that I would be able to handle it ok and not let myself down. Because of that, I feel quite good. Whether or not I care is a good question. Of course I care, I think that she may not have gotten answers she wanted out of everyone else (family and friends) or just decided to contact me to see how I'm doing. I didn't let her know what I was doing. I stuck with the conversation at hand, regardless of being tempted to discuss the past. I just asked her if she was ok and she said that she wasn't because of this. I have no intentions of reading into it too much. But to me it just seems very odd that she would come to me even after everything that has happened...I really don't see what other reason to come up with that. Not to mention she was crying. Thanks for the response though.

Cdoc

[bohemiandonut]

Very good Cdoc!

You're a role model for everyone here!

[C1d6OC]

Very good Cdoc!

You're a role model for everyone here!

Thanks bohemian...I understand things a lot better than I did one month ago.

[C1d6OC]

Well it has been a few days, since my last update when my ex contacted me, but for some reason, it just keeps lingering in my thoughts. I still just don't understand why she wanted to talk to me about how badly she was doing in school and although I'm certain there was hidden meaning, I feel like I'm slowly starting to let my feelings get the better of me again. I just need some help as to why my ex did what she did. Please give me your thoughts.

Thanks
Cdoc

[Tonia2]

I thought this might happen... seems like you were doing sooo well on NC, and then this took you straight back down. I am not saying you haven't done brilliantly, but I think it might be time to resume strict NC, don't you? Try not to look into what she was thinking - i seem to remember you saying to me once that unless they are stating that they made a mistake and want you back, it doesn't mean anything anyway.

[C1d6OC]

I know you are right. Damn though, easier said than done. I will resume the NC for sure, but it just caught me thinking. With regard to my statement with the whole "stating that they made a mistake and want you back". I still stick by this, I guess in some ways, that is what I was expecting when she said she was upset and needed to talk to me. I mean wouldn't others think the same? I'm doing absolutely fine still, however, not to assume or anything, but after people talk to me, they agree that she may end up coming back in due time, based on the events. Where this is a problem for me is as much as I want to say that I won't go back, I really don't know how I'll feel if she decides to do it you know? I do know one thing though, I'm not going to risk the life that I'm having right now, because I'm having so much fun with friends so she'll have to accept that if things do "work out" per se. Thanks Tonia, I needed the slap to wake me up a bit.

Cdoc

[Tonia2]

• Of course she might come back – please don’t think I was saying she wouldn’t, but you need it to happen on your terms. You are doing everything right. She will definitely be wondering what is up with you – particularly as you were quite ambivalent on the telephone, so I have no doubt that she is seriously wondering about your situation – she is obviously thinking about you. I just don’t want to see you slipping back into letting it consume all your headspace – that is where I am at the moment and it is exhausting – much better to concentrate on yourself.

[C1d6OC]

Don't you wish sometimes you could take your own advice? lol...I assure you it won't consume my headspace. I did understand where you were coming from no worries on that. See at first, I was NOT going to look too deeply into it, and I haven't, but it's still lingering a bit. It will go away soon I'm sure. A few days after, what helped was that I wrote her a letter that I will never give her basically asking why she contacted me and such. Just the questions I wanted answered. Writing stuff down helps a lot for me. One day, I'm sure I'll go back over the letters when I'm completely over her and think "wow, I wrote that?"

Anyway, don't be so down on yourself. It is exhausting, but that's what these forums are here for, to get it all out and let some random person(s) know how your situation is and it helps a lot when that person can relate in some ways. You will do fine. Thanks Again.

Cdoc