Please help. She's perfect for me, but I don't know what to do

[Wandering Soul]

I met this girl a few years back. At first I thaught she looked *Kinda funny*, but the more I looked at her, the more I became atracted to her. After a few days I fell in love with her persionaliy, her looks; her. We kind of hid the fact we liked each other from our friends, it was our secret.

After about a week we ended up sleeping rough some times just to be with eachother with out people knowing. I would never normaly do that.
We'ld just hold eachother, keeping eachother warm, bonding with eachother like some people cannot.

I thaught about her every night. Even though we never had a sexual relationship, that didn't matter to me. Like most males it would. All that mattered was I was with her.

One night we got realy drunk and ended up kissing infront of our friends, thats when we made it oficial. It lasted for a few months, but it was my first love and I became too clingy.

We ended up having unprotected sex one night, and after a while she told me she was pregnant, on, off, on, off. She wasn't; she lied to me. She played with me, screwed with my head, breaching my bariers and exposing my weaknesses.

Before we got together, she had told me how she had made one of her ex's go crazy. How he went schizophrenic of what she done to him. After that he went psycotic. She done the same to me. It destroyed me, physicaly and mentaly. I became close to suicide at one point. I'm still recovering from the ilnessess now 3 years later, although I'm more than stable. Still on the medication.

If a normal lass done that to me I would have told her to **** off. But because I was in love with her that's what destroyed me.


Now Im getting familiar feelings of atraction to this woman, but intensified much more. In 3 years I have never fealt this way about anyone. EVER.

[bohemiandonut]

Trust and lust.

Silly.

[Cybog]

God this situation is pathetic.

Perfect for you? Love? You DON'T KNOW THIS WOMAN.

Nobody else here has spelt it out clearly enough for you obviously, so I will take the liberty of doing so.

#1. You don't know what the word Love means. Love is not your annoying fantasies about sleeping with/being with your teacher. Love is not developing feelings for someone that only knows your name because she reads it off of a roster and grades your papers.

Love is tried and true and is something that lasts a lifetime. Your obsession (which is all this is) will eventually go away once you either A) Get back on those meds and learn to develop some sort of a social life, or B) Actually meet someone worth your time.

#2. Anyone emotionally and mentally weak enough to actually allow someone to get into their head enough to drive them "psychotic and suicidal" has more issues than just their relationship.

My Ex wife attacked me with a knife, sabotaged my vehicle, had people steal from me, stole several thousands of dollars, faked pregnancy (times 3), self-aborted, took my son and ran off with another man (whom she was pregnant with) to a different state, busted my computer(s), throw out all of my personal letters and photos from my entire life and then rode off into the sunset in the cheap rental van of another man.

All in the span of about 3 months.

But, guess who was at work the next day after she left?

So don't give me this crock of shit about how you were "in love" with her and that's why you "had to" stay and it destroyed you.

Here - I will save you the $120 an hour therapy charges and tell you the truth - The reason you were so "broken" is because you are weak, and until you stand up and say "You know what, I really AM a dumbass and need to develop some godamn social skills!" it will always be the same.

You will fall in "love" with people who don't even know you, fantasize about events that will never happen, and post anonymously on an internet site about what you should do because you are too chicken shit to actually make moves of your own.

Do some growing up, find yourself and your REAL personality, then come back here in a few years when you have discovered the mature adult that is hiding behind all of this bullshit and have a real relationship.

[Wandering Soul]

Fair enough I except what you saying. No need to ****ing flame about it.

[Wandering Soul]

So do you believe I might still be ill?

[Cybog]

What do you mean by "ill"?

My guess would be that were convinced you have some variation of Manic or various social "imbalances" or possible nervous disorder. I would need to know what type of "illness" and what kinds of meds they gave you to figure that out.

[Wandering Soul]

After what happened I was actualy diagnosed a schizophrenic by a psychaitrist. They proscribed me serequel: quetiapine for it. I've been on the med 2 1/2 years now. I believed I was getting better, but now I think im actualy becoming more ustable. I think I might get refered back to the quack.

Thanks for your harsh words by the way.

[Cybog]

And you never took any form of medication or were diagnosed with any kind of other disorder before being with your ex girlfriend?

[Wandering Soul]

I was fine before her, but after, I got diagnosed and put on meds.

[Cybog]

Well, part of it also depends on what dose you have been taking, whether or not you are actually active in taking the drugs now, any kind of side effects you might have had….

Every form of schizophrenia is different and what type of behavior you are displaying outside of this “relationship” thing is also a factor. To wonder if you are still “ill” is pointless until you stop and realize what your “illness” really is.

Personally? To me this situation sounds like a math problem. A+B=C, in that A) You were doing “fine” before your past relationship problems, B) The relationship went sour and things got all ****ed up, and C) You didn't know how to handle your problems.

Chances are you have a small friends “network”, possible unstable family and don’t know a lot about relationships in the first place. When this first broad came into your life and ****ed things up, you didn't know how to take it and how to act and what to do etc etc etc…..

Hence this “schizophrenia” when you went to the psychiatrist was most likely attention outbursts, depression, mood swings, etc. These are not physical ailments that require drugs. These are the hurt feelings and uncertainties of a “child” that never had the chance to grow up.

I find psychology 100% better than psychiatry for the most part. Nothing pisses me off more than parents pumping their kids full of drugs and convincing them that something is “wrong” with them so that they can get special treatment in life, or drug addicts hooked on shit convinced that they have “pain” that needs healing.

You have to realize something about the “business” of psychiatry: They are there to make money, and rarely help people on the side. Every pill that you buy gives more money to them. The only true way to “heal” is through your mind and realization that there is nothing “wrong” with you, except that you need to “see” life in the way you always should have.

Right now, the world sucks; you are in a spiral and think that the world is against you. But trust me when I say it isn’t true, and you aren’t a psychotic getting ready to snap.

What you DO need to do, is take life one day at a time realizing and coming to grips with who you really are, AWAY from this burden and the shackles of your past. Stop blaming her, your parents, your high school bully, your friends that left you….whoever and move on in life. Learn to forget and continue. It is the only way you will ever be able to truly “get better”.

[PKsEvolution]

Cybog, you are proving nothing, stfu already, wasting valuable typing energy on stuff noone actually cares about...do you honestly think the guys going to come away and start thinking about what you've said after you've ripped the piss?
" MErr Merr Meeerrrr, I'm not ripping the piss, blah blah blah"
just...zip it, SHUSH, this isn't me telling you to shut up, this is what you should be realistically thinking of doing.

Your the one going on about how the guy should "come to grips" come back down to earth, man, you've gotta actually read what you type afterwards, I can picture yourself sitting by the comp trying to type ASAP, rushing like a mofo trying to get in your say, half the stuff you right are opinions that may be solid, but noones actually going to even consider accepting them, which really does make them completely obsolete.

Thinking before you speak is not enough, think, type, check back, error correct, and then, if it's all stuff that you realistically know is just going ot be ignored, delete it! forget it! can it! BLAM THAT SHIAT! Don't you dare take the mickey out of people that ask for help, and then fill them full of facts they either can't follow, don't think or care about.

Do NOT reply to this message, do NOT answer back, do NOT have a go at me, I WILL ignore you and everything you have to say, not because I'm scared, I don't WORRY about anyone being better than me or being able to prove me wrong, I work with the people, and if the people think I'm right, then let it be, opinions only work if you've got a group to back me up.

Listen I'll give you this, you can say what you want, it gives you your personality, and it gives up something to talk about, so you do create an atmosphere at least, but it's not enough, it's not enough to just be a pain in the arse, theres gonna be either a boundary, or a balance. You can chose which you want. If you don't understand what I mean, then I'm explain ^_^.

Boundary: Stfu when you know your going too far >_<.
Balance: Say all you want, just give a little love sometime too, whether we are looking or not.

Don't carrying on doing this, it's not right, and it's completely pointless, and well, it's boring, noones going to read that much boring stuff, forget it hah...if your gonna be like this all the time, unless you admit that you arn't like this offline, you are going to be bitter, sad and lonely, and I'm serious.

Good luck

Pat
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[Cybog]

......huh?

Cybog, you are proving nothing, stfu already, wasting valuable typing energy on stuff noone actually cares about...do you honestly think the guys going to come away and start thinking about what you've said after you've ripped the piss?

"Noone" isn't a word, but if you mean "No one" cares, obviously you did. In fact, you cared so much for my words, you decided to type out 449 of your own. Thanks for caring!

half the stuff you right are opinions that may be solid, but noones actually going to even consider accepting them, which really does make them completely obsolete.

Don't carrying on doing this, it's not right, and it's completely pointless, and well, it's boring, noones going to read that much boring stuff, forget it hah...if your gonna be like this all the time, unless you admit that you arn't like this offline, you are going to be bitter, sad and lonely, and I'm serious.

I love it when the token "New Guys" roll in here and toss out a few misspelled words trying to pass themselves off as armchair therapists who "have me figured out".

I don't even feel like going into the number of topics I have responded to or contributed to where the person requesting advice has thanked me repeatedly, or the rest of the intelligent mature forum members agreed with me. Nonetheless, he asked for my response, so I continued with the conversation.

Listening to you type feels like I'm sitting at a godamn Melissa Etheridge concert. I've taken shits and wiped my ass with more substance than your post. And just so you know choir boy, I for damn sure don't need to "prove" myself to some fudge packing, non-contributing, pedophile looking ass-pounder like yourself.

[URL=http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?p=77634#post77634]You call this crap a "sample of your work"?[/URL] Give me a ****in break you loss. Click on my name and you can find a few hundred more. Come back and talk to me when you have actually done something with your meaningless existence.

Boundary: Stfu when you know your going too far >_<.

I'm just getting warmed up.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

"give me a ****in break you loser" not loss.
unless you intended to make it 'loss' then i'm sorry for correcting you

[Kiechi]

Don't carrying on doing this, it's not right, and it's completely pointless, and well, it's boring, noones going to read that much boring stuff, forget it hah

Comming from the person who just hijacked this poor guys thread with your sad attempt of a rebuttal? I'm pretty positive words such as... shush and zip it is hardly going to serve the purpose of "offending" someone. So I suggest next time your going to aim to offend someone or show them the error of there ways, make it less jovial. Like reading a nursery book with shit like...

" MErr Merr Meeerrrr, I'm not ripping the piss, blah blah blah"

^_^

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[misombra]

and what great advice would you have for this person? leave cybog alone, he is trying to help this person. why come in here and diss everybody's attempt at helping others. you're not the only one here who can. i'm sure you're not the wisest person out of everybody here, not to say you're not wise, but don't come in here and start condescending everybody, that's not cool.