What was I thinking?

[C1d6OC]

I feel that if on a break, it's best to clear that up with your partner before hand. If this is going to be a considerable amount of time, then you have to make it clear to one another that dating is ok. I for one, disagree with seeing someone while on a break, but that is because the break my girlfriend chose to have lasted a week until she decided to break it off completely.

As far as cheating goes, DEFINITELY not a huge one in my books although I feel like a hypocrite, because I have cheated once, but that was many years ago and I'm still not proud of it. But I think the best way is to figure out how long of a break the person wants to take, if there will be contact and is dating allowed. Those are just my thoughts.

Cdoc

[kindofalone]

i wasn't really talking about cheating during the relationship. more of aster you broke up. would you consider it cheating if she was with someone while you were broken up? how would she feel if you were with someone?

[C1d6OC]

Honestly I wouldn't know what she would think RIGHT NOW if I were with someone while we were broken up, but truthfully it's none of her concern. She was the one that broke up with me and so that indirectly tells me that she is willing to experience other people.

If the tables were turned and she were with someone, I don't know what I would think, I know I would be hurt, but if it would make her happy, then I respect her for it. I hope that answers your question.

And I wasn't really able to interpret your previous question well, so I gave you both sides of what I thought was suitable to answer it.

Cdoc

[cycletease]

Whether she had a logical and valid reason to be upset about the interlude is questionable. Would she still be hurt, you betcha. Even if you are broken up on paper, if you want to get back together with someone it is going to be pretty hard to explain that you went and screwed someone else. If my BF did that there is no chance in hell that I would go back, sorry. To me that means that he truly didn't care about me.

This is just me and I am particularly harsh on this subject. Others may be able to logically break it up and say that you were, in fact, broken up and that is ok. It would depend on the girl.

[Glenn]

Agreed...Cheating is a 100% deal breaker. But sometimes its a blessing in disguise that a relationships fails that way. It is so unforgivable(for some) that it pushes you to move on...

[cycletease]

Agreed...Cheating is a 100% deal breaker. But sometimes its a blessing in disguise that a relationships fails that way. It is so unforgivable(for some) that it pushes you to move on...

This is a very good point. People often times have a hard time letting go so this makes it easy. Sadly, people get much more hurt than if they would have had the balls to break up without the cheating.

[C1d6OC]

I'm just here to post a quick update which is needless to say, relieving. Last night I got an IM from my ex requesting to fix her computer again. I was a bit confused, because I thought perhaps reading my email, she'd understand that coming to me for help wasn't an option right now. Anyways, I asked her if she got it. SHE NEVER DID!

I have mixed feelings about this, because it has been about 2 weeks since I sent it and throughout those 2 weeks, I have moved on even more accepting things better. However, she had asked me to send it again, but to a different email account. If you quickly skim over it, please note: I'm not so sure I feel the same way I did 2 weeks ago and am very hesitant to send again. I almost feel like it's fate and a good thing she never received it. This has given me more an opportunity to move one. Believe it or not, things have changed from 2 weeks ago and although I spoke from my heart, I don't think it's the right thing to do. I have to stick with what I said before and if she wants me back, she'll tell me.

Aside from this, I accepted her complaints and told her I'd take a look at her computer. I told her it was best to drop it off at my place, rather than her place (no chance I'd do that to myself). She was fine with it and arrangements will be made later.

Also, I spoke to some very inciteful people about this where they have had plenty of experience in relationships and their thoughts are quite intriguing. Despite her efforts in trying to reach me, they feel as though because I am her first boyfriend, there will be that sense of security that she needs and I'm that person even though it may not be the right thing in my eyes. I guess in many ways, there will always be a soft spot for her and same for me and this could be why she has been coming to me. Believe it or not, they don't think that she wants to close the door on the opportunity yet and still may be some time before that will happen. They also feel she could see that I have somewhat "closed the door", and doesn't want to let go.

I just want to get some of your thoughts on this and advice as well. Just to summarize, I have no intentions of sending the email again and if I do, it will be edited. Also, I'd like to hear what you have to say about the thoughts I got from those people. Thanks

Cdoc

[cycletease]

It is not at all unusual for people to revisit old relationships from time to time. It is very possible that whatever she had going on ended and she is thinking about you more. The fact that she is contacting you at all means to me that she is either totally selfish, or that she still has some thoughts about you and wants to keep her foot in the door. (I suspect the later)

Isn't it amazing how much really letting go can change your perspective? I am not at all surprised to hear of the shift in just two weeks. Perhaps she has detected this but likely she is feeling some of the effects of long term exposure to No Contact.

Either way it is nice that you are feeling more confidant and have an opportunity to rethink your contact from this new power base.

Agreed that as her first boyfriend that she will always hold a special place for you. Dissadvantage is that likely that means she has a lot more growing to do before she is in the same place that you are.

So, fix her computer, be lighthearted and friendly, you will know what to do.

[bohemiandonut]

Haha, what a relief Cdoc, she never got it! That was pretty much the best you could hope for, wasn't it? I mean, two weeks of no response... must have been tough!

Well, take this opportunity if you want. Now that you aren't so much of an emotional mess you can send her an e-mail appropriate to what you want right now. It's comforting to read you because my position is so similar. I considered asking my ex if she wanted to go to the beach this past weekend (it has been sunny), but luckily I came to my senses.

Of course, I still want to ask her. And I've got a bottle of wine in the fridge with her name on it... Dammit, no! SHE has to contact ME! That was the plan, wasn't it? WASN'T IT!?!?

Good luck, Cdoc.
Peace

[Tonia2]

Hey Cdoc - good stuff - you just sound so centred, so I guess it doesn't really matter how she behaves - you sound like her stuff and her attitude is not going to affect you too much anyway. I still think she will be totally intrigued about how well you are doing and how quickly and decisively you seem to have moved on. Even the most hard-hearted and detached person is going to wonder how their ex has managed to move on so quickly. Well done.