Boyfriend of 3 years doesnt enjoy sex?

[Sinkingxbelle]

It was an issue he would use porn and never come to me for intimacy out of laziness. It was an addiction the point that he would look at very shocking things, such as one time I caught him on child porn a long ways back. I was so shocked, and from that point on I have had a major issue with it, as I was sexually molested as a young child. This really traumatized me, as I can not bear the fact that my boyfriend the man I love has viewed men hurting children, or got off to children being hurt in some way. I know with all my heart he is not a pedophile, I know he was just so deeply addicted to porn, he then needed shock and shame value to get off because I am sure the regular porn just diddnt do it for him anymore. He has strange fetishes, like one of him being with someone who would roleplay or pretend to be his mom, or sister, taboo type incest. I have no issue with the fetishes, just the porn use in a fear it will get out of control, and he will not ever come to me for intimacy. In the beginning I had no issue with it.

[Sinkingxbelle]

So you mean, it's always wrong...lol.

And I agree, I feel porn is pretty horrible within a relationship, it ruins the womans confidence to know that her man looks at other women who are probably fake and better looking than her, it makes her feel low and inadaquit. Not sure what man would want to make their woman feel that way out of selfish lust and the need to view several women other than the woman you love to get off. Its kinda sad if you ask me.

[vashti]

one time I caught him on child porn a long ways back.
I can not bear the fact that my boyfriend the man I love has viewed men hurting children, or got off to children being hurt in some way.

I find this extremely alarming. I think you are worried about the wrong thing, especially given that you have a child in the home.

[oldskool83]

if i were to sit and droll over porn and i had a g/f and she was around i could def stay away from the child porn.

my honest feelings over your situation...hes removing himself because he does not want to really be with you. there is no other real reason. ive seen women do this to me........once the sex normal stops at a young age and break up is going to occur. i could be wrong but ive seen and heard about this enought times.

i read your child was not unplanned but you sure as hell are not married either. its time reality sets in. welcome to the single mothers club i feel.

[searock]

Absolutely agree with Vashti. I wouldn't keep my child within reach of a guy who gets off on child abuse. Jeez.

Porn per se is not a bad thing, Sinkingxbelle. To guys it's just part of their "self-loving". Most women can do with just fantasies, men need the visual support. It's no different. The problem arises when it becomes an addiction, when it messes up their sex life, or obviously when it involves child molesting or other disturbing stuff like that (I mean of the kind in which people actually get hurt).

[Sinkingxbelle]

He is not a pedophile. It was one time, and it was on a forum called 4 chan. He said the images were shocking to him, but he also has admitted to viewing it off 4 chan in the past. I know 100 percent he is not a pedophile. The porn has affected our sex life, it still does, I cant trust him at all. It really is an addiction, he hides it and lies about it.

[Boisdevie]

So the sex life is crap. You're not happy with him watching porn. So why don't you just split up with him? What's stopping you?

[searock]

Ohhh it was 4chan. Well then, as long as he wasn't masturbating to the images or something. That website is pretty messed up, but sometimes funny. It's possible that he hadn't been looking for that type of image at all, someone just posted them. IDK. Or was he looking precisely for that type of image for, er, pleasure? If it's the case, he is pretty sick and I stand by what I said earlier.

Boisdevie has a point. Why are you still with him when you are clearly very unhappy?

[Sinkingxbelle]

Boisdevie has a point. Why are you still with him when you are clearly very unhappy?

We have a child together, and despite everything we love each other. Sometimes the relationship is good and sometimes its miserable. In regards to the child porn, yes he was I do believe getting off to it. I just think the addiction got so bad normal porn couldnt turn him on anymore so he moved on to more taboo shameful things. He is not a pedophile. Simply messed up when it comes to anything sexual. I am not sure if something may have happened to him as a child, or maybe his mom had a relationship with him that was inappropriate when he was young, but he somehow has a MOTHER fetish, like he would want me to pretend to be his mommy. He will not go into details about this though, and he will not tell me about his past sexual experiences. SO who knows. He is very very closed off, I do not even know the past partners he has been with, which hasnt been many, but he is a very closed off person. I hate it.

[searock]

Love alone isn't a good enough reason to stay in a relationship that is making you miserable. If you don't remove yourself and your child from this situation, you will both end up suffering a lot, when you could avoid it by staying away from this guy. The issues you speak of aren't of the kind that can be resolved, unfortunately.

[Boisdevie]

We have a child together, and despite everything we love each other. Sometimes the relationship is good and sometimes its miserable.

An excellent case of denial. Listen honey, your relationship is obviously going nowhere. It's pretty bloody clear to most of us here so stop getting lines on your backside from sitting on the fence and make a decision. Leave him or stop complaining to us about it.

[iamaninnocentma]

We have a child together, and despite everything we love each other. Sometimes the relationship is good and sometimes its miserable. In regards to the child porn, yes he was I do believe getting off to it. I just think the addiction got so bad normal porn couldnt turn him on anymore so he moved on to more taboo shameful things. He is not a pedophile. Simply messed up when it comes to anything sexual. I am not sure if something may have happened to him as a child, or maybe his mom had a relationship with him that was inappropriate when he was young, but he somehow has a MOTHER fetish, like he would want me to pretend to be his mommy. He will not go into details about this though, and he will not tell me about his past sexual experiences. SO who knows. He is very very closed off, I do not even know the past partners he has been with, which hasnt been many, but he is a very closed off person. I hate it.

You are an idiot, and your bf is a dirty bstd that needs his balls chopped off. Hope this helps.

[vashti]

You are an idiot, and your bf is a dirty bstd that needs his balls chopped off. Hope this helps.

It helped *me*. lol

[smackie9]

Not only does he not do a good job of satisfying me sexually, he acts mean towards me all the time. I constantly feel he hates me. I am growing so sick of this, and I am starting to feel like he doesnt deserve to be with me, by the way he treats me sometimes, and he gets away with it because of my low self esteem, I feel I do not deserve better, when in all reality the way he treats me is wrong, I often feel I deserve it. He is not only mean to me, but he treats me as though I am unimportant to him at all times. He never flatters me, he never compliments me, he never says I love you, he is down right mean to me. He makes me cry daily, if not more. I am starting to become so low. I love him I wish he would just treat me properly. He claims he loves me, yet he shows nothing to support it, other than cuddling from time to time, and conversation from time to time.

The lack of sex is a symptom, not the problem. Both of you are obviously frustrated with how things are. His meanness is brought on his frustration of you not understanding him. With a lot of guys they don't know how to express themselves or fear to show their feelings. Instead of asking "why don't you do this or why you can't do that for me", say more like "Please help me understand what is going on with you, and I will listen". "I'm willing to make changes". Keep going to therapy but drop the topic of sex for now. Focus on trying to get the communication working for you in your relationship.

[Sinkingxbelle]

Hmm, wow I came here for help and advice and you are mostly insulting me. I am not an idiot, and when you love someone and you have been with them for a long time its very hard to walk away, HE is my best friend, and an amazing father.