My boyfriend went to an escort

[bcgirl]

I can just seem him with these women and it turns my stomach. I can't decide if I'm hurt, frustrated, disgusted, irrational, or just getting involved in something that's none of my business. I have no idea how I would bring it up to him. We had already talked about one of my ex-s wanting to find a girl through a similar website to have a threesome with and that didn't spark any conversation from him about him doing it. From the sounds of it, I think I just attract the creeps with weird sexual issues. I just think if he wanted to get laid he could. He's a good looking dude, young and was living in Seattle. I have a hard time believing there's no drunk chicks in the bars out there! I am just having a hard time deciding how I feel about it I think. Maybe just need some time to get over it and move on

most men and women won't be able to get over this fact. It is looked down upon in society and that's why most ppl don't talk about paying for escorts, even to their best friends/gfs. Although the reason why some love it so much is because they are sluts. They will pretty much do anything they are told and you can do the dirtiest thing to them and not give a damn or buy her flowers. Just pay her and kick her out of bed or car. Because of this fact, it does appeal to many perverts that want to do really nasty things but don't want to return the favor to their lover. Realistically, sometimes a spouse isn't able to sexually satisfy every single aspect of one's sexual needs so those without respect for their spouse will seek it out elsewhere...in some cases in the form of hookers.

Did he tell you prior to you two dating that he paid for escorts? how did you initially find out? or is this the first time of you finding out?

[bcgirl]

Sex trafficking and slavery is shamefully common (even in the US!)

Yes this is a whole other topic, but he is contributing to the sad reality of sex trafficking. Sex slaves make more money for gangs than the selling of guns/weapons. With sex slaves, you dont just profit off them once like you do with guns/drugs....you profit off them over and over and over again. This is the sad reality, the less Johns there are...the less women are being exploited. And most of those online escort services, rub n tugs etc are run by gangs too.

[reeba]

lol. What do you mean he is in Wyoming and has little access to something like that?

Our joke where I live (Wyoming for 17 years now) is that if a whore house ever opened up here, it would be out of business in a week, cause the Wyoming girls give it out for free. You should see the local girls flock to the bars when the contractors (oil field, refinery, ect) are in town, hoping to get their hands on their paychecks. Makes for some real interesting people watching.

On a serious note. I would be concerned that he once viewed women as nothing more than a commodity. Hopefully he has matured.

[bcgirl]

^ yes it is really not all that hard to find whores in your local bar willing to do things for free! They r everywhere lol. I'm sure if a guy wanted to get laid and is decent looking, he can just find the drunkest girl at any bar and it would be free

[iamaninnocentma]

Just had a look on this site. ****ing brilliant. A blow job for $30. God bless america.

Does your bf know of any sites like this that operate in europe?

[Jess319]

So, I talked to him about it last night. Told him that I, like an asshole, went through his email and saw he was talking to these girls. He says it was just erotic massages and nothing more but when I asked him about the reviews he wrote about several girls blow jobs he says they were friends and they asked him to write the review. Obviously, I don't believe him but maybe in some far reaching region of reality, that's all that happened. He says it was a dark time in his life after his breakup from his ex. Says it wasn't so much about the sexual part of it as it was the attention. After breaking up he felt like he wasn't good enough for women. I asked him why not just find a drunk chick at a bar, they're everywhere. He said he didn't want the emotional attachment that comes with hooking up with people like that. In a weird way I respect him for not just using a chick from a bar and leading her on, but at the same time, it worries me that someone could feel that low about themselves to pay for attention. The thing that worries me the most is that he has some weird sexual s*** going on and I won't be able to please him. So far it seems like it's all good and he's yet to complain so I guess I shouldn't worry. Or just not worry yet. If he gets bored, then what? Oh, and I was waaaaaayyy wrong in thinking that sort of thing was less available in WY. Didn't realize so many girls from Salt Lake drive here to do that. And ya, Wyoming is full of slutty sluts but I'm not worried about those nearly as much as an online situation.

[Jess319]

you obviously can't and that is fine....most of us won't be able to deal with it either. We are only human and we have feelings and emotions. I'm sure if the tables were turned, your bf wouldn't like it either!



because it costs more money, but i'm sure he has.

Communication is key. Do talk to him about it. Why are you so scared that you've invaded his privacy? You seem very scared about losing him which concerns me even more. That is probably why you two are together, he has the upper hand while you play the passive role.

I'm terrified of losing him. That's the worst part. I love him more every day and part of loving someone is loving everything about them, even their faults. This is why it's so confusing for me. I feel bad for him that he felt that low because I would never want that for him, even if it was before we met. Yet, it was right before we met so I have a hard time believing that I brought him out of his funk with the snap of a finger. I have serious trust issues and, clearly, insecurity issues of my own or I wouldn't be creeping his email in the first place. I pretty much suck at relationships and have yet to have one with any decent length or meaning. I've never felt the way I feel about him for anyone and really plan on spending my life with him. I just don't want this to linger in the back of my head worrying if it's happening.

[bcgirl]

You should really seek help from another source, perhaps a therapist can help you with insecurity issues and help you heal from past relationships so you can feel worthy again and not put up with men like this. We as humans tend to give the benefit of the doubt to our loved ones, you so desperately want to believe he is telling the truth so you won't have to face losing him... But you need to listen to your common senses, your gut and your intuition. If his "lies" seem too good to be true, they probably are. I mean c'mon, just erotic massages???!! What the hell is the point in that if he is not getting finished off. He likes to be teased and left hanging with blue balls? I mean if u r gunna pay for something, I'm sure he wasn't paying for soft supple skin and the scent of lavendar masage oil. There had to be some rub n tug involved. I think this relationship is going to be a roller coaster ride for you giving u lots of grief. You will constantly have insecurity thoughts in your head of whether he really did or didn't. If he comes home late u will wonder in your mind whether he stopped by a "rub n tug". You will get sad thinking u cant perfo better than those sluts, your boobs arent huge implants and you dont constantly walk around in leather panties. This can make anyone go insane. The longer you are with him, the more memories you two share...the harder it will be to get out from the relationship. Also, he has some issues too and I think one of the reasons you two find each other is because most other girls wouldnt put up with that crap.

[Maple1714]

Just read through this thread....

You should leave this guy. He is probably lying about not actually getting blow jobs from those girls...they were his friends? How did he meet them in the first place? Weird. I wouldn't know how to feel about the whole escort thing....in some countries its legal and "clean" to a point. Was just talking about this subject with a friend the other night. He thinks it's fine. A lot of men think it's fine...they like the idea of getting what they want sexually from a women and then having her leave...no strings. I dated a guy for 3 years who had sex with a prostitute in Vegas before we got together. I found out after and I was a little grossed out...but they used protection and it just happened. Soooo you honestly have to ask yourself if you can live with knowing this about him? But, he is lying about just being friends with these women on the site...so I would probably break up with him if I were you. It's one thing to be open and honest about your dirty secrets...and another to lie about them. Lying about them makes it seem like he is more likely to repeat his actions.

[bcgirl]

There are many men who use escorts, hookers, prostitutes whatever u wanna call em. I know some male buddies who were single, drinking and partying and wanted to have a good time with the ladies of the night.... If no men were into this, Human trafficking wouldn't exist. But there is a difference with f@cking a slut in Vegas when u r single and a difference with logging online to rate them on their performance while u have a gf. I once knew a girl who came from a good background but got addicted to drugs and ended up hooking. She said the majority of men have gf's or wives, they are blue collared and go home and hang their ties up and kiss their wives goodnight.

[Maple1714]

I missed the part where he was rating them while they were together...anyway he is a liar and a loser. OP - dump him and try to find a nice cowboy in WY...if those exist. Do you know where Ten Sleep, WY is? I have a ranch up there...not many women! Lots of men!

[Jess319]

There are many men who use escorts, hookers, prostitutes whatever u wanna call em. I know some male buddies who were single, drinking and partying and wanted to have a good time with the ladies of the night.... If no men were into this, Human trafficking wouldn't exist. But there is a difference with f@cking a slut in Vegas when u r single and a difference with logging online to rate them on their performance while u have a gf. I once knew a girl who came from a good background but got addicted to drugs and ended up hooking. She said the majority of men have gf's or wives, they are blue collared and go home and hang their ties up and kiss their wives goodnight.

He was doing all of this before we met and from what I can see hasn't logged into the website since we met or started dating.

[Jess319]

I missed the part where he was rating them while they were together...anyway he is a liar and a loser. OP - dump him and try to find a nice cowboy in WY...if those exist. Do you know where Ten Sleep, WY is? I have a ranch up there...not many women! Lots of men!

Ten Sleep has some of the best elk hunting in the state!! Never hunted it but had some friends who have and have been dying to do so since!! Anyway, the ratings of the girls all happened before we met. Supposedly these were friends of his friend that turned him onto the site and they asked him to write a review so they could get more business.

[Jess319]

I mean c'mon, just erotic massages???!! What the hell is the point in that if he is not getting finished off. He likes to be teased and left hanging with blue balls?

They were the happy ending massages. Claims he went to Envy Massage for just a regular massage and at the end the girl said for $25 she'd beat him off, which of course he did. He hasn't gotten a massage since we met and that definitely won't be happening any time soon!! Who's to say if the opportunity presented itself, he wouldn't do it

[Maple1714]

Yeah, that's what I thought originally...that ALL this happened before he met you. So, what I wrote before still stands. You should probably move on if it bother's you a lot. I do not think there is any difference in paying a prostitute to sleep with you or paying one for a blow job and then rating it online. I chose to stay with my BF after I found out about his little trip to Vegas...it was before we met and I have always been into a bit of a seedy "scene" myself. Nothing dishonest though...that is the key. I think when people are in control of their lives and are living their life true to themselves (no lies) then so be it. As long as no one if getting hurt...it's a fine line. Your BF sounds like he is ashamed of what he was involved in though...and that's not good...shows signs of not being in control.

Ten Sleep canyon is the most beautiful place! Still the wild west up there for sure. My family Elk hunts...that's why we got the ranch.