stood up and cut off!!!!!!!

[Phil Davies]

I'm not without empathy for your sadness, embarassment and feelings of having been discarded but you really need to understand that when a man treats you like you have no value to him then you need to get away from him as quickly as you can. Love yourself enough that you'll not beg for more booty and then hope because he took you up on it that he actually wants a relationship now. Please also learn that you are unable to keep sex casual so don't do it anymore.

^^^ None of that was said in malice to anyone ... just pointing out some denial I was seeing.

It's not about being discarded, but being stood up? With a kid for christ sake? You have drunken meaningless sex with a dude don't get pissed when he doesn't call. But you CAN get pissed if he calls, sets up a date, you get a sitter for your kid and then he never shows or gives you any sort of explanation. Thats a bullshit move, even for me.

[Wakeup]

It's not about being discarded, but being stood up? With a kid for christ sake? You have drunken meaningless sex with a dude don't get pissed when he doesn't call. But you CAN get pissed if he calls, sets up a date, you get a sitter for your kid and then he never shows or gives you any sort of explanation. Thats a bullshit move, even for me.

No one said it wasn't a bullshit move. It certainly is. Can you explain to me why should would want to keep him as a "friend" on facebook after him being such a cunt?

[Maple1714]

Can you explain to me why should would want to keep him as a "friend" on facebook after him being such a cunt?

It's hard to let go...that is why. She will eventually. Bruised egos hold on to a lot...the "ego" creates feelings of guilt. I bet the OP has sat around and felt guilty for not being this or that or not having enough of "something" to make this guy develop feelings for her. That is counterproductive!! It all starts with our initial actions...and when we stumble from time to time and our actions are not in our own best interest (like sleeping with a douche bag in hopes that he will develop feelings) we allow the "ego" to have control and we can't let go.

Wakeup - are you religious? Not spiritual, but have you participated/been a part of some form of organized religion? I am just wondering...just curious..

[bcgirl]

I've stood guys up before. Did I feel guilt? No. Did I feel shame? No. I felt nothing. Don't even think bout them or remember their names now. I actually felt embarrassed for the guys who didn't get the hints and still kept calling

[Phil Davies]

No one said it wasn't a bullshit move. It certainly is. Can you explain to me why should would want to keep him as a "friend" on facebook after him being such a cunt?

Jesus I'm friends with girls I had a one night stand with 15 years ago. its facebook who gives a shit.

In all seriousness, this is the right answer to your question by the way ...

It's hard to let go...that is why. She will eventually. Bruised egos hold on to a lot...the "ego" creates feelings of guilt. I bet the OP has sat around and felt guilty for not being this or that or not having enough of "something" to make this guy develop feelings for her. That is counterproductive!! It all starts with our initial actions...and when we stumble from time to time and our actions are not in our own best interest (like sleeping with a douche bag in hopes that he will develop feelings) we allow the "ego" to have control and we can't let go.

[Wakeup]

It's hard to let go...that is why.

Of course it is, no one said it would be easy. She's not let go at all though. Me, when someone threats me like shit, I don't try harder to keep them by my side, I distance myself from them.

She will eventually. Bruised egos hold on to a lot...the "ego" creates feelings of guilt. I bet the OP has sat around and felt guilty for not being this or that or not having enough of "something" to make this guy develop feelings for her.

no doubt. But I see no value in poo pooing her self-deprecation. She volunteered to continue to be a casual sex object who turned absolute total jerk likely to get it through to her that he doesn't want her the way she wants him. Its one thing to acknowledge her bruised ego.. it's quite another to enable it to remain that way by not even pointing out to her that she was the conductor of her own fate. (sans the being stood up) Had she listened to him when he told her he only wanted to have a warm wet place to masturbate with her, was true to her own wants (a boyfriend) and loved herself enough to tell him goodbye ~ then she wouldn't be in any such spot to be stood up.

That is counterproductive!!

Not looking after your own best interests and being true to your own boundaries is ALWAYS counterproductive. Op hasn't learned that lesson.

It all starts with our initial actions...and when we stumble from time to time and our actions are not in our own best interest (like sleeping with a douche bag in hopes that he will develop feelings) we allow the "ego" to have control and we can't let go.

Yes.. so lets try to help people let go of their ego and to love themselves instead. Someone who loves themselves has less of a hard time letting go of ego.

Wakeup - are you religious? Not spiritual, but have you participated/been a part of some form of organized religion? I am just wondering...just curious..

None whatsoever. I'm a realist and when I see people making mistakes like this girl did I point out where the went wrong so that they might think about it before doing it again.

I have nothing against FB's or FWB or casual sex or even open marriage for that matter is that's what everyone has agreed to... But it you're going to do sex for sex sake and you catch feelings and you voice your wants to your casual sex partner who doesn't want what you want then you better learn to say good bye and quit doing what doesn't work for you. You should understand that or it will keep happening to you when you let ego rule you right into desperation type actions.

[bcgirl]

Perhaps what's more concerning is the type of man the op tends to fall for. Why is the father of her children not in the picture? Could it be that the op keeps making the same mistakes, not learning from past mistakes and keeps on having poor lifestyle choices?

[Wakeup]

^^ You are right, I did contradict myself. I do not think anyone should feel guilt. It's a useless emotion. If you robbed a bank why would you sit and feel guilty about it after? You already did it. I agree with Robin Hood. Anyway, that's opening up a whole different discussion...

Were your parents hippies?

Yes, we have ALL been in the situation where we give more of ourselves than necessary, put too much emotion into someone else and then have them use us and/or take us for granted. It might be with a friend, family member or dude we are ****ing. Do you not agree?

As I said, When you love yourself you distance yourself from people who do not value you and who mistreat you. We may have all been duped at one time or another when someone has be disingenuous but I (can't speak for anyone else) would not be her wondering what went wrong and still keeping him/them a part of my facebook friendship list (if I used facebook). She's so lost of self worth and respect that she doesn't even have the gurl ballzz to delete him and banish someone who abused her from her life.

The OP shouldn't sit around and tell her self she has no self-worth, shouldn't feel embarrassed, shouldn't tell herself she is an idiot, lament on the fact that she was used etc....instead the OP should just think the guy is a ****ing douche and forget him forever.

If she doesn't take responsibility for her own actions then she will never learn a thing. By taking responsiblity for her own actions, forgiving herself and learning to adhere to her own personal boundaries.. it does not take away the fact that he is an asshole. It just doesn't resolve her from all responsibility.. that's all. She has to realize her own culpability or she's learned nothing and is destined to repeat.

She should be proud that she feels emotion/cares for others and move on to finding someone who views life/relationships/sex the same way she does.

And how do you think she'll ever be able to do that? If you don't love yourself then why would you expect anyone else to love you?

We do ALL stumble along the way...shouldn't sit around and beat yourself up over it.

No.. we should acknowledge our own culpability, forgive ourselves after learning the lesson and then onward and upward. Not just forget about where we went wrong like it doesn't exist and just put all the blame on others. He's an asswipe for standing her up. She's responsible for volunteering to be abused once again ("I miss you" and thereby opening herself up to continuing being his booty call) when he was truthful about not wanting anything but sex with her.

[Maple1714]

Were your parents hippies?.

I wish.

Of course, we should love ourselves....your post is so long...I am tired. I agree with you and I think the OP is gone....

[Wakeup]

I wish.

Of course, we should love ourselves....your post is so long...I am tired. I agree with you and I think the OP is gone....

Being condensending helps how?

nyway. I hope she's creeping her own thread. Hopefully she'll see where she went wrong. It's common knowledge and we're all in agreement that he's a ****tard jerk.

[Maple1714]

Being condensending helps how?

I wasn't being condescending at all...your post is long and I really am tired. Why did you take it that way? I said I agree with you...

[Wakeup]

I wasn't being condescending at all...your post is long and I really am tired. Why did you take it that way? I said I agree with you...

I put it back.. Sorry, I originally said it because I thought you were being condensending and saying you agreed so I'd STFU ... lolzzz

[jennj2481]

Hey guys thanks for the replies, even the insulting ones lol. As for an update, I deleted him as a fb friend and I never Texted/called again and just got on with my life. A couple of days ago he Texted me "hey" I didn't respond and I have no plans too... as for me being desperate, women have needs jus like men. I chose him cause he was attractive and convenient. I found out he had a decent personality and I fell for him. Instead of jus disappearing I was honest. I contacted him again because we parted on friendly terms and I was horny. Since I was the one that contacted him he never had to pretend he was willing to be more the sex buddies. I would've slept with him anyway, said thanks and went on with my life, and if i would've felt bad after had no one to blame but myself, but he did say he was willing. He stayed at my house for hrs talking and cuddling and watching movies, he Texted me everyday asking about me and telling me about him, and he asked me out on a date. I did nothing but respond as a normal person would to what he was doing. I didn't profess my undying love or even think he was my boyfriend (that's why I didn't want him to meet my kids) but I thought we were getting to know each other then he did that. It was unnecessary and that's why I was pissed, hurt n confused. We are adults there was no need to pretend. I will never contact him again because he's immature and an asshole.... as for me being a mom, moms get horny too and so do your moms. As long as I'm not bringing ever tom, dick and harry into my kids life I am fine so get off your high horse.

[Wakeup]

Hey guys thanks for the replies, even the insulting ones lol. As for an update, I deleted him as a fb friend and I never Texted/called again and just got on with my life. A couple of days ago he Texted me "hey" I didn't respond and I have no plans too... as for me being desperate, women have needs jus like men. I chose him cause he was attractive and convenient. I found out he had a decent personality and I fell for him. Instead of jus disappearing I was honest. I contacted him again because we parted on friendly terms and I was horny. Since I was the one that contacted him he never had to pretend he was willing to be more the sex buddies. I would've slept with him anyway, said thanks and went on with my life but he did say he was willing. He stayed at my house for hrs talking and cuddling and watching movies, he Texted me everyday asking about me and telling me about him, and he asked me out on a date. I did nothing but respond as a normal person would to what he was doing. I didn't profess my undying love or even think he was my boyfriend (that's why I didn't want him to meet my kids) but I thought we were getting to know each other then he did that. It was unnecessary and that's why I was pissed, hurt n confused. We are adults there was no need to pretend. I will never contact him again because he's immature and an asshole. We coulda been having sex off and on for yrs if he had been civil but he treated me like shit for no reason so now he can die... as for me being a mom, moms get horny too and so do your moms. As long as I'm not bringing ever tom, dick and harry into my kids life I am fine so get off your high horse.

Well good for you for ignoring him because that's all he's good for.

"You could have been having sex on and off for years if you hadn't asked to be more than a **** buddy as well.

If your only concern was that he stood you up then why all the bs in your Opening post about developing feelings for him so you dumping him because he didn't want anything else to do with you but screw?

You called him again because you were horny? You thought you could do him without the emotions involved this time? You've learned nothing then.

If you don't want to be just a **** buddy, then logic dictates ~ don't be one.

[jennj2481]

Hmmmmm its hard to explain without going on and on about how my emotions work and blah blah.. basically we were fwb when we started out. Had sex 3 times a week. Spoke everyday that kind of thing. Its hard to do that with a decent person without feeling anything. Thats what i didnt want to do. When i contacted him i didnt want to start up a fwb situation again, i just wanted sex that time. Sort of like a one night stand but with someone u know. Something to get me through the month lol. Its easier to keep feelings in check when i only see him sporadically, if that makes any since. Anyway its all water under the bridge cause im over it. Doing the whole nun routine as i date in search of something more serious. No more fwb!!!