Hmmm ?

[shh!]

Infatuation is an immediate and intensely passionate feeling. Love is commitment to
a standard of behavior that lasts over time. (Longer than 2 weeks, unless you are 12.)

[Only-virgins]

Seriously my answer.

Love = relative
Infatuation = Physical attraction as like to a super model.

Love is commitment to
a standard of behavior that lasts over time.

Wouldn't that mean that you would have to force(commitment) yourself to love someone? You believe that behavior is correct? behavior is human made...I would prefer to believe that love is natural.

[shh!]

"Wouldn't that mean that you would have to force(commitment) yourself to love someone? You believe that behavior is correct? behavior is human made...I would prefer to believe that love is natural."

Infatuation (lust/sexual attraction) is natural; love grows out of infatuation. If you look at couples who have been married for very long periods of time, you can bet they have gone through many hills and valleys as far as their feelings of "love" are concerned. I believe love is not necessarily an emotion, but more of a behavior. We love somewhen when we are willing to commit to a certain standard of behavior, regardless of our day-to-day feelings. Also, I think believing that love is solely a feeling (and elevating it above all else) contributes heavily to the divorce rate being so high. We all know that feelings are fluid.

I guess you can say I'm not a Harlequin Romance kind of girl.

By the way, I'm new to this forum. Would you answer a dumb question? Can you tell me how it is that you were able to quote my previous post without using cut-and-paste? I've been posting using the "post quick reply" button.

[shh!]

(pardon my errors - I am not a very good typist)

[Only-virgins]

"Wouldn't that mean that you would have to force(commitment) yourself to love someone? You believe that behavior is correct? behavior is human made...I would prefer to believe that love is natural."

Infatuation (lust/sexual attraction) is natural; love grows out of infatuation. If you look at couples who have been married for very long periods of time, you can bet they have gone through many hills and valleys as far as their feelings of "love" are concerned. I believe love is not necessarily an emotion, but more of a behavior. We love somewhen when we are willing to commit to a certain standard of behavior, regardless of our day-to-day feelings. Also, I think believing that love is solely a feeling (and elevating it above all else) contributes heavily to the divorce rate being so high. We all know that feelings are fluid.

I guess you can say I'm not a Harlequin Romance kind of girl.

By the way, I'm new to this forum. Would you answer a dumb question? Can you tell me how it is that you were able to quote my previous post without using cut-and-paste? I've been posting using the "post quick reply" button.

There is a "reply" button on each post at the bottom right of it. Click it and it will auto quote that phrase.

Like I said about love. Very relative. I would say calling love anything near behavior is like spitting on it. Its a emersive feeling that is un-controllable. People change what the word means just to better suit their outcome and need. In reality the word from the beginning meant that infatuation feeling and what you talk about is just commitment it-self. I don't worry my-self with devorce rates and things like...why should I care if other people refuse to be with each other?. If you believe you love someone and you find someone else more perfect then clearly your first decision was false.

[shh!]

There is a "reply" button on each post at the bottom right of it. Click it and it will auto quote that phrase.

Like I said about love. Very relative. I would say calling love anything near behavior is like spitting on it. Its a emersive feeling that is un-controllable. People change what the word means just to better suit their outcome and need. In reality the word from the beginning meant that infatuation feeling and what you talk about is just commitment it-self. I don't worry my-self with devorce rates and things like...why should I care if other people refuse to be with each other?. If you believe you love someone and you find someone else more perfect then clearly your first decision was false.

(Well, I hope this quote-thing works; thanks for the advice.)

I am struck when reading your post at how society assumes that women are more oriented towards romantic ideals, when consistantly I see the exact opposite. I guess all that I can say in response is that you are a true Romantic. However, your ideas of love are certainly more subject to fickleness (is that a word?).

Is it not possible that "if you believe you love someone and you find someone else more perfect" then perhaps you are merely infatuated with the new "love"? And how can an older relationship, with its familiarity and predictability, compete with the excitement of a new relationship/sex, etc.?

[Only-virgins]

Is it not possible that "if you believe you love someone and you find someone else more perfect" then perhaps you are merely infatuated with the new "love"? And how can an older relationship, with its familiarity and predictability, compete with the excitement of a new relationship/sex, etc.?

If you are infatuated with someone new do you not find them more appealing? how can you find someone else more appealing then the one you love? I find that to be a contradiction as I always thought that the one you love is the one you always want to be with/ find more appealing. I think the biggest mistake in society is the belief that love has to last in order to be love.

[shh!]

If you are infatuated with someone new do you not find them more appealing? how can you find someone else more appealing then the one you love? I find that to be a contradiction as I always thought that the one you love is the one you always want to be with/ find more appealing. I think the biggest mistake in society is the belief that love has to last in order to be love.

Does not your last sentence argue against your last post? "If you believe you love someone and you find someone else more perfect then clearly your first decision was false."

In any case, I think we are defining love and infatuation differently. I would think that love is more enduring than infatuation, which I consider fleeting. How could I find someone more appealing than one I love? Well, I find George Clooney very appealing, probably more so than anyone I know personally, but alas! I don't think it qualifies as love. :-(

I bet you are one of those "love at first sight" types, aren't ya?

[Only-virgins]

Does not your last sentence argue against your last post? "If you believe you love someone and you find someone else more perfect then clearly your first decision was false."

In any case, I think we are defining love and infatuation differently. I would think that love is more enduring than infatuation, which I consider fleeting. How could I find someone more appealing than one I love? Well, I find George Clooney very appealing, probably more so than anyone I know personally, but alas! I don't think it qualifies as love. :-(

First of all. Want I meant by that is that you will love the new person more. Never the less you should just go with the person you love.

Your not in love with George Clooney but from what I am understanding you are not infatuated either. You just think he is attractive. I think many many...MANY...girls are attractive but I only love one and she looks better then all of the movie start bitches put together to me.

I bet you are one of those "love at first sight" types, aren't ya?

Offcourse,Is there other kind?...

[shh!]

First of all. Want I meant by that is that you will love the new person more. Never the less you should just go with the person you love.

Your not in love with George Clooney but from what I am understanding you are not infatuated either. You just think he is attractive. I think many many...MANY...girls are attractive but I only love one and she looks better then all of the movie start bitches put together to me.

Yes, but will you still feel that way when she's given birth in exchange for stretch marks and put on 20 pounds? THAT is love. I do not see a distinction for you between love and infatuation. About love at first sight, you wrote "is there another kind"? Well, I think there is, but we define love differently.

By the way, bitches? Why the hostile terminology? Also, I am very sad to hear that I neither love nor am infatuated with George Clooney! haha

[misombra]

i suppose it's all in the way you define love. i'm leaning towards shush's perspective. peaks and valleys, 20 pounds, etc. you're taking the words right out of my mouth. i don't need my boyfriend to tell me that he loves me more than i need him to show it by being with me, caring for me, and having unconditional regard for me. i don't believe love has a thing to do with emotions, which i suppose is my personal distinction between love and infactuation.

[Only-virgins]

Yes, but will you still feel that way when she's given birth in exchange for stretch marks and put on 20 pounds?

Yes, as long as the chemicals are flowing in my head it really doesnt matter if shes bald or full of stretch marks. I did not think that people thought of infatuation as just attractive looks. I thought it meant as the chemical biological attraction....and believe me...this attraction is stronger then any bond, attachment, or just plain attraction. It can also last VERY long..sometimes for ever. To me its so strong that if its real name is infatuation and not love then its greater then love. I call it love. I found my self saying that I would die for this person..how does it get any stronger then that?

[shh!]

Yes, as long as the chemicals are flowing in my head it really doesnt matter if shes bald or full of stretch marks. I did not think that people thought of infatuation as just attractive looks. I thought it meant as the chemical biological attraction....and believe me...this attraction is stronger then any bond, attachment, or just plain attraction. It can also last VERY long..sometimes for ever. To me its so strong that if its real name is infatuation and not love then its greater then love. I call it love. I found my self saying that I would die for this person..how does it get any stronger then that?

Oh yeah? Have you ever been infatuated with bald, fat women? Has ANY man ever been infatuated with bald, fat women? Of course not! What you are calling "love" I would call chemistry. Chemical biological attraction is indeed a heady experience, but I've never heard of it lasting with the same intensity for longer than perhaps a year after sexual intimacy occurs. I would agree that it IS much more exciting that what I call love, but it is definitely morre transitory.

[Only-virgins]

Oh yeah? Have you ever been infatuated with bald, fat women? Has ANY man ever been infatuated with bald, fat women? Of course not! What you are calling "love" I would call chemistry. Chemical biological attraction is indeed a heady experience, but I've never heard of it lasting with the same intensity for longer than perhaps a year after sexual intimacy occurs. I would agree that it IS much more exciting that what I call love, but it is definitely morre transitory.

After sex intimacy? ..ok...I fail to see the difference that would make but I will not argue because I have not had sex with the person I feel love(infatuated) for. By the way though..there is always someone who has chemistry for a bald, fat women. They feel it as well as anyone. I actually see it more likely to be that the people who are with un-attractive people feel chemistry rather then they think they are a swell nice person that they "love" with the attachment way that you describe it. After all...when you feel chemistry as you would call it ...the person could look attractive to you but to everyone else a different story.

[shh!]

After sex intimacy? ..ok...I fail to see the difference that would make but I will not argue because I have not had sex with the person I feel love(infatuated) for. By the way though..there is always someone who has chemistry for a bald, fat women. They feel it as well as anyone. I actually see it more likely to be that the people who are with un-attractive people feel chemistry rather then they think they are a swell nice person that they "love" with the attachment way that you describe it. After all...when you feel chemistry as you would call it ...the person could look attractive to you but to everyone else a different story.

I am laughing because I see you are having a similar argument with Misombra on another thread! Must be that "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" thing. Only, again, I think it is funny that the male in this case is the Romantic while we girls are more practical. :-D

Yes, sadly the heat/passion/lust/infatuation (what you apparently call love)one feels at the beginning of a new relationship begins to die down little-by-little after you've had sex a few times. Has to; can you imagine how unproductive our lives would be if all we ever wanted to do was... well, you know!

I think people who are with unattractive partners are more likely to love them (in the way that I define love) despite a lack of chemistry rather than because of the presence of chemistry.