Heartbroken and lost - cannot get over my ex and want him back! help!

[Wakeup]

I'll add that of course I don't know "exactly" why he lied, and strung you along, but ususally people say the things he said because it buys them time. Why he needed time only he can tell you but the point is. Get yourself to the point where you don't care why because you don't care what a liar and a coward does.

[monty23]

I know what its like to not be able to eat or sleep and when you do finally get off to sleep, that moment you wake up and feel ok for 2 seconds before it all comes flooding back to you and you feel like you are going to be sick. And having to force food down because you cant stomach anything. Its like a bad nightmare only you never wake up.

God, that is exactly how I felt for the first week after he stopped all contact with me. I just had no appetite and I'd wake up at 4am every morning feeling normal but then within seconds my stomach would be churning and my chest would be all constricted and sore from tension. It really was like a constant nightmare. I just wanted to get out of my head and away from my thoughts, but I never could.

Now, at least it isn't quite as bad. I wake up feeling flat and depressed every morning but the stomach issues and chest tightness are usually not there these days.

Today will be a month since we last had any normal contact.

[ruby_red]

Its awful isn't it, i'm a little better now too as it's been 1 month since he broke up with me but I still have nightmares about him most nights. I know need to not do this but I cannot help thinking about him and keep freaking out about what he is doing and who he is with. Its been day 3 of no contact with him, i read somewhere on here that 21 days is how long it takes to break a habit so i'm doing 21 days of no contact and hopefully by then i'll stop looking at my phone every 2 seconds and thinking about him!

I can't even watch a movie because I can't concentrate on it!

But I do feel like I am finally on the mend and being on here has helped. Things will get better monty just try and stay positive.

[monty23]

Yeah, things do get better. I have to keep ignoring the niggling thoughts that I was so much happier when we were together, and even though I know time heals and makes it easier, it's still hard to accept I won't be that happy again.

I'm now more often able to appreciate and enjoy the happy memories we had, and also recognise that it wasn't all a bed of roses the whole time. We as a couple had no problems, but our situation created MANY problems, tensions and issues.

You have nightmares about your ex? That's not good. I'm sorry for that. I actually have only GOOD dreams of mine. Every few nights I dream he comes back to me, or even arrives on my doorstep and tells me he has left his wife, etc.

[Wakeup]

or even arrives on my doorstep and tells me he has left his wife, etc.

... O.o ....

[tillyb]

I think this is good solid advice - it's brutal to hear but yes, i can get this.

[Guybrush]

I think this is good solid advice - it's brutal to hear but yes, i can get this.

It has been a few days since you started this thread, so how are things now compared to - say - a week ago?

Just curious to learn how fast the healing process is moving along, and whether discussing stuff here actually works.

[ruby_red]

Hi - so it has been hard but I have stuck to the no contact and am now in day 5. I can get through a day without crying several times now which is good and dont feel as sick as i did, my appetite has come back and im sleeping better although i dreamt about him again last night and it all came back to me. I dreamt we had got back together and in my dream i felt really good then woke up and when i realised it was just a dream i felt sick and upset again. I have learnt though that keeping busy and keeping my mind activie is important and my friends and family are being amazing.

i still can't help myself thinking about what he is doing and if he is with someone else but it is definitely not playing on my mind as much as it was.

however i did take a few steps back in the healing process today. i went for a job interview and it went realy well and i was quite positive. I came out of the interview to a text from my ex saying that he had found out that i had lost my other job and that he hoped it wasn't because of him and that he thought that he had dealt with things in the way he thought i would be hurt less then he said that he hopes things work out for me.

I immediately burst into tears in the middle of the street and had to sit down. I felt sick with panic and was really upset-all the feelings came back to me. His text sounds like he was planning to break up with me for a while and the whole break thing was actually the way he thought would hurt me the least. why did he even text me though, does he feel sorry or guilty - do you think he regrets things and still cares about me. i still want him back although i dont know why as he treated me so badly.

i dont know whether to text him back now but what would i say.

what do you think?

[Guybrush]

His text sounds like he was planning to break up with me for a while and the whole break thing was actually the way he thought would hurt me the least. why did he even text me though, does he feel sorry or guilty - do you think he regrets things and still cares about me. i still want him back although i dont know why as he treated me so badly.

Answers to you 4 questions: Not relevant, not relevant, not relevant and not relevant.

i dont know whether to text him back now but what would i say.

what do you think?

I think, stick to the plan! No contact, please!

I fear he only *simulates* sympathetic in order to relieve his guilt and move on with someone else. Don't cave in! Ignore!

5 days, only 16 to go (or so they say).

[ruby_red]

im finding it really hard - all i can think about is texting him back! I want to know if he has moved on, you think it sounds like he already has?!

urrrgh so difficult!!!!!!

[ruby_red]

yep i am back to the beginning again, i cant stop thinking about him and im crying and cant stomach any food! how does one little text from him (and me not even replying) do that! urrgh get me out of this hellish nightmare!

[VincenzoG91]

Focus on your job search. Really throw yourself into it with enthusiasm.

Also, talk to your friends and family. Not necessarily about your breakup, but just talk to them because you will feel better afterwards. Google up some funny YouTube videos and watch them all. Read a book. Watch a movie. Get some exercise. Do whatever it takes to keep busy, so busy that you don't have time to think much about the recent past.

[Guybrush]

I want to know if he has moved on, you think it sounds like he already has?!

I have no idea. You need to get to the point where it does not matter anymore what he thinks or whether or not he has moved on. Find something else to focus on. Don't respond to his text.

[Wakeup]

*snipped*

You can do better than him. Do your best to stop wondering about him. He's NOT worth the energy it drains from you. YOU can do better. Really, you can so be strong and don't reply or.. if you do reply then do so just to tell him not to contact you again.

Do what Vincenzo said and keep yourself busy. You're ruining your life by letting him affect you so. Go to the library and get some books on self-improvment that relate to your situation.. one's that will help you through your grief. Don't just wallow in it.

[ruby_red]

Well Im afraid i gave in and text him, in fact a got very very drunk at home on my own one night because i just didnt want to feel anything anymore and text him several times And i didnt get anything nice in return, he said that he had no plans in getting back together with me and basically to leave him a lone. Now i feel like i am back at the beginning again and hurting more than ever. I just cant believe how cold he was - how can he get over me in such a short space of time, i dont get it.

I know its my fault and im ready to be told off

I think i need help in getting over him or at least controlling myself - i just cant stop thinking about him and i feel like im going a bit crazy! ive deleted his number and he isn't my friend on fb anymore but every now and again when he does text me then i go back to the start again. maybe i need to block his number but i dont want to risk it in case he does change his mind one day and want me back.

i really am a sad case.