Help me please, pregnant

[ALovelyLady86]

But artyemi... even though you were only 19, would you ever give up your boy? Hes the love of your life right?
Hes worth all the trouble you went through with college...

[shh!]

I think you missed the part where it was suggested that once you have a kid, it is not about YOU and what makes YOU feel good anymore. It is all about what is good for the BABY. Just because you love a baby doesn't mean you are good for one.

(This does not imply in any way, artyemi, that this advice applies to your situation. It is a generality.)

[ALovelyLady86]

I believe (and I think I stated before) that as long as youre not on drugs or an irresponsible person you need to take responsibility for your actions. It wouldnt be easy, but its the right thing to do. It is in no way thinking of yourself... it is thinking of the baby.

[shh!]

And you've come to the conclusion that a 19 year old, unwed, uneducated, unemployed person is in a better position to care for a baby than a mature, responsible, employed, educated couple based on what evidence?

[shh!]

Oops! My mistake. The original poster to this thread has only just graduated high school, so that would make him more like 17 or 18.

[Illusional]

when girls are on the pill, they are regulated by a cycle. roughly every 4th week, they will have their period. at most, it sometimes will be off by only a few days. however if she didn't have her period yet, and it's been since the 20th, then maybe you should consider other alternatives.

as for the morning after pill, they now consider it to be effective up until 72 hours.

raverboy

[artyemi]

I think you missed the part where it was suggested that once you have a kid, it is not about YOU and what makes YOU feel good anymore. It is all about what is good for the BABY. Just because you love a baby doesn't mean you are good for one.

(This does not imply in any way, artyemi, that this advice applies to your situation. It is a generality.)

Shh! NO, it totally applies. Just because I love my son doesn't mean that I am good for one. I could have been a much better mother had I waited.

It's exactly why I'm saying that those two really should look at all options and what they want in their future. They shouldn't feel that because they had sex, they should have a kid for self-punishment. They should have a son because they are ready and are able to provide for the child, while at the same time, doing what is best for them.

It's a silly notion to think "oh, well, we had sex now we have to live with the consequence."

[artyemi]

I believe (and I think I stated before) that as long as youre not on drugs or an irresponsible person you need to take responsibility for your actions. It wouldnt be easy, but its the right thing to do. It is in no way thinking of yourself... it is thinking of the baby.

So a drunk driver shouldn't be responsible for car accidents?

[artyemi]

But artyemi... even though you were only 19, would you ever give up your boy? Hes the love of your life right?
Hes worth all the trouble you went through with college...

College wasn't about him. I would have given him up if I had the sense in me to seek the counsel of more responsible people who would have helped me see what I could offer to a child and what I'd be doing to my future.

[shh!]

Shh! NO, it totally applies. Just because I love my son doesn't mean that I am good for one. I could have been a much better mother had I waited.

I applaud your ability to see the situation objectively, and I am glad you have taken no offense. I hope all potential young mommas will take your wisdom to heart.

[artyemi]

I applaud your ability to see the situation objectively, and I am glad you have taken no offense. I hope all potential young mommas will take your wisdom to heart.

Thank you. I don't see why I should be offended at what you say. You sound like you've got a great head on your shoulder..

Religion, family, personal values... they all have so much influences on what we choose to do.. But we have to remember what the facts are, and what's best in the situation.

So go and get tested already, and tell us what the result is.

[ALovelyLady86]

So a drunk driver shouldn't be responsible for car accidents?

Actually what I said was the complete opposite..YOU SHOULD take responsibility for your actions.
I dont think its right to get yourself pregnant and give it up just because you think you cant be a good enough mom. Any mother who keeps their child and does the best they can is a great mother in my book. Even if that mother cant provide a $300,000 house and a Jag.
You have to take responsibility for your actions! You cant just get knocked up and say oh well and hand the baby over to someone else! That is completely irresponsible to me. If you knew in the first place you were unfit, you need not have sex.

[shh!]

You write, "Any mother who keeps their child and does the best they can is a great mother in my book". Really? Because these young mothers are very frequently abandoned by the father of the children, these kids often pay a horrendous price. They are normally stuck in unsafe neighborhoods and are victimized by gang and gun violence, attend substandard schools (or drop out because they are genuinely afraid to go to school), and frequently resort to illegal behaviors (drug sales, theft, gang involvement, prostitution, etc.) to try to compensate for the material items other children have because our society demonstrates an exaggerated interest in the possession of material goods and consumerism. If their single mothers are working, there often is no one to care for them after school hours, which is, coincidently, the time of day that crime rates rise. College is usually not even seriously considered as an option for these kids, because mom usually has not gone herself and therefore does not understand the link between higher education and improved quality of life or that poverty begets more poverty. Besides, if that child has not yet gotten themselves knocked up by the time they should be preparing for college, they will often be expected to help contribute to the familial income.

There is a BIG difference between providing an expensive car and house (by the way, $300,000 won't even get you a condo in a decent neighborhood in LA) and providing a decent life for a child, which for me includes (minimally) access to a good education, college, decent enough clothing to keep them from being ostracized in school, healthy food, and a roof over their head.

You write, "You cant just get knocked up and say oh well and hand the baby over to someone else! That is completely irresponsible to me". Well, you are wrong. It is simple maturity to recognize when you are unable to provide these things a child is entitled to, and it is an immense act of unselfish love to care enough for the baby to sacrifice your own pride/emotions to ensure your baby gets what s/he is entitled to.

I do believe that parents TRY to do their best for their children, but sadly, their best is frequently NOT good enough. People who are unfit to rise to the challenge are often the ones who lack the education and maturity to understand that they are not fit. Furthermore, I wish I had a dollar for every person I've come across who was having sex before they are ready to realistically accept the responsibility of an unplanned pregnancy.

[JMark]

Are you saying that people in 3rd world contries shouldn't have children?!? A $300,000 house is many times more than what is needed.

It's IMO a case specific situation (as Shh! is saying if I understood correctly.. I skimmed through).

[DarkDwarf]

okay well im not pregnant, but my GF may be. I just graduated Highschool and im very scared. I have only had sex with her two times and she is on birth control and i used a condom the first time and the second time i pulled out before i ejaculated. This week she was spose to go on her period and she has not yet. And she wont test her self for another day , cuz shes scared to. So if she is pregnant im going to take responsibility and do my duty as being a father, but is there a way to somehow end the pregnancy if she is pregnant way before the actual fetus is made? Is there anything? if anyone knows please respond. Thx

SHH makes a good point...

Hopefully your GF isn't pregnant...

But let me tell you you sure are one caring guy because i see lots of mom who are left to raise a child after they are abandoned by the father...

again hope...

Im praying for yah...

Best of luck...........