Girlfriend of 4.5 yrs cheated on me again dont know what to do

[Solidus943]

Im not tryimg to say that just undesisive bout her im indesisive bout alot of things in my life t like whenevet I go out with mates I never really make a full on desistion on what to do im a bit of a people pleaser thinking of other oeoole first, also cant deside whether to go to europe this year with a few friends or to wait till next year and go with cousin and uncle. anyway I came this site to talk this through with someone. I already know from her past that it is unlikly she will change if we stay together and that the relationship is unfair on me. I just find it hard to let go off people I just wish that we could break up and later down track still be friends, I wish I could see her change for herself so she could be happier with herself. Its just very hard for me to let go because I was going to propose to her. Just need support and dont want to get my family involved.

[Wakeup]

Have you been tested for sexually transmitted deseases? Don't stay with her until she gives you herpes or aids. Do you wear a rubber when you get your turn to have sex with her?

[Cerby]

Im not tryimg to say that just undesisive bout her im indesisive bout alot of things in my life t like whenevet I go out with mates I never really make a full on desistion on what to do im a bit of a people pleaser thinking of other oeoole first, also cant deside whether to go to europe this year with a few friends or to wait till next year and go with cousin and uncle. anyway I came this site to talk this through with someone. I already know from her past that it is unlikly she will change if we stay together and that the relationship is unfair on me. I just find it hard to let go off people I just wish that we could break up and later down track still be friends, I wish I could see her change for herself so she could be happier with herself. Its just very hard for me to let go because I was going to propose to her. Just need support and dont want to get my family involved.

Sometimes emotion and reality are in conflict (actually, quite often). You are stuck in this nostalgic phase of all the times that she made you smile, but you also have to think about the other mens she has been with, and who have been inside her. Love doesn't mean you should stay together, it just means you'll need some time to get over being apart. There is no reason for you to stay with her, you can find someone who makes you smile who won't cheat on you. You just have to have the balls to realize that unless you can accept the idea of an open relationship, she will always cheat on you.

Dem had it summed up pretty good in his first reply. Sorry bro, you aren't going to have anyone here tell you to try to work it out, cheating just isn't right.

[blondie28]

Once a cheat always a cheat. I believed my ex was cheating early on in our relationship, but without any proof I let it go. I caught his ex, half dressed in his house one night, he said she needed somewhere to stay. I let it go. He then got someone pregnant and lied about it until a DNA test proved he was the father. I STILL tried to make it work, and he cheatd again. 15 years wasted with a cheat! He was my best friend, we had good times together, but none of that could take away the pain.
She won't change. Move on

[Solidus943]

I know i need to move on and in my head before I confronted her I was gonna end it and I know its what I have to do. She has already packed her bag, I just came on here looking for support to get me through it. I guess there is a part of me afraid of being alone and the other not wonting to lose a close friend. I think I need to find someone I can physicly talk to, to help me through this. I know the break up is coming and that I will end it im just sad to lose her also affraid she might hurt her self, because there are alot of her emotional issues(she suffered from depression and confitent issues) that I havnt disscused on here. I just have to hope her family can keep an eye on her. Because I do know she will miss me and that she did love me but she just put herself first b4 the relationship and I need to do the same and end it.

[Solidus943]

She came over last nyt to get some of her stuff, it was hard to see her we talked abit and I told her I wasnt sure i just feel like im between a rock and a hard place. This week was ment to be a week of space which it has been until last nyt but sunday is when the week is over and thats when were gonna talk properly. Its just hard to say good bye to some one u do still love and have feelings for. I just wish she was a better person.

[Lissy0404]

I recently ignore the naked picture of another woman on my boyfriends email, the phone calls late nigth, the phone she even made me from his cell one nigth he was traveling, I saw so many messages, and photos. Also, I saw a chat on his facebook, where he acept her invitation to have sex. As it looks... I never saw them of course, and he denied the whole thing, and beg me to stay. Now I'm miserable every day because I forgive him, when I know there was no exuse to cheat on me on the first place. If she has done it more than once, please red flag... leave her. Now, my boyfriend and I, are on a break. This cheating thing happened 4 months ago, and now he feels smother by me.

[Solidus943]

I know I leaving is the sensible choice its just hard to say good bye, when I talked to her last nyt she saud she would through away everything that reminds her of me which was sad because I still love her and even when we break up she will still have a place in my heart I guess the best I could hope for is to one day be friend

[smackie9]

You will look back on this, see how foolish you were and will kick yourself for not doing it sooner.

[Solidus943]

I thought I might still write on here to get things of my chest and maybe get some support. Well as u may know this past week we have had space, time for me to think and process everything thats happened and deside if we break up or not (so I told her I wasnt sure if we were going to break up or not but for her to treate it as if we were still together. She tells me she really want to change that she is sick of being this person and she want to be better for herself aswell as for us and that she wont cheat anymore (i really hope she seeks help to change for herself). Anyway on are week of space we talked a bit and we saw each other one nyt and I told her about this site so she could write on it for help, but she read my posts and got into an argument. I msged her a few days later in the morning and got no reply I had a feeling something was up. She came over on saturday and we talked I came straight out and said whats going on? What have u been doing while we had space? ShejU told me she was still on oasis dating site and she msged someone. I kept pushing and she eventally told me she meet up with someone I pushed a bit more and she told me she slept with him. So after finding out at the begin of the week thats she had still been cheating. She tells me she will change and doesnt want to lose me and that she wants to be different and will do anything to change and then shows me by cheating again and says that she thought I was going to break up with her and thats why she did it.

[Solidus943]

Now tomorrow night we are going to talk and im going to tell her what I have desided, I just havent been coping very well and have been destacting myself instead of processing everything.

[Wakeup]

She has many psychological problems, Soldius. The cheating is just how she manifests her issues. You will be a foolish, foolish man to even keep talking to her because you're weak and vulnerable and she will hoover you back in. Tell her to get the therapy that she needs to get over her addiction(s)(?) and then leave her alone to work on herself. You also could use some councelling because even to contemplating letting her hoover you back in when you KNOW she's got troubles.. way deeper then just saying "I won't do it anymore" will never, ever fix.

Go no contact and save yourself from sexually transmitted deseases and emotional turmoil. She will steal you joy for good if you keep this bs up with her.

[smackie9]

You have a strong fear of letting go...you really don't know the misery you are in till you cut yourself out of this relationship for good. Yes indeed you are avoiding processing all that is wrong with this. In time once the emotions subside you will see how foolish you were, and how you have been denying yourself true happiness. There is better out there that doesn't come with all this funk. The longer you dwell on this the more missed opportunity to meet the right person.

[Solidus943]

Reply to lissy0404 So why havent u left him?

[Solidus943]

Today is the day she comes over and I tell her what ive desided, ive got the whole day to think bout everything and process it all. Was thinking of putting all the pros and cons together I dont know. I just hope that she gets help and changes for herself. I think a break up is the smartest choice I just hope event with news like that, that she still trys to change herself. I just need to stop thinking of what could happen and think about know for all I know we could break up and move on and be happy or we could break up and meet again in the future and shw could have changed and we could be happy together again. Anyway no one knows the future but I need to do wats best for me now. I will always love her but I need to think of myself. I will keep going though everything until she comes over so look forward on reading more comments