My wife cheated on me

[MrIB]

So you think it's that deep huh?

[smackie9]

This isn't something you can just sweep under the rug and forget about it. She told you for a reason....she needed to get it out in the open, and it needs discussion.

[michelle23]

Please do not blame yourself for what she did. There is no excuse to hurt someone like this and it is not your fault.. I think counselling may help you to deal with all the mixed feelings you are going to experience after this until you are ready to are a decision about your future together. Do not just suck it up and brush it under the carpet. Ignoring this will not help you. And please don't seek revenge. Twowrongs do not make it right and u will only make a bad situation worse. Keep your integrity. You are a good man. But do focus on yourself and what's going to make you happy now. Take time to heal and when you are ready you can decide whether you want to stay or go xx

[whatname]

Well every time i hear or read about an occasion like this, i think about the insecurities that individuals and thus couples go through in their daily lives..

Many of these insecurities lead to incorrect interpretations of a person, incorrect expectations, and from that, detoriation of marriages, divorces, problems, etc..Because couples don't seem to be able to communicate well, and eventually they don't even have a strong understanding or connection..

In this case she didn't fail you, it's always a two way street, even if you feel you did your best, there's a second view on it, and that's why i think utter communication is key..

So..you did not expect, you feel betrayed, confused, and can;t even communicate well to her @ this point..

She's your wife..i'd expect there to be a way for you to talk to her instead of coming to a forum to seek for help. Of course there's "nothing wrong" with seeking help from others, but if you feel you know there's something wrong, why not sit down with her, make each other comfortable, and talk for a few hours about what is happening, what has happened, and what will happen?

Right now you live in a mystery world, confused, but why not confront her, for the better of you both, and clear the air COMPLETELY in every way shape and form with her until you can safely feel you are both on even ground in understanding her?

We can all give you ideas but you have to balance them, and use them to critically thinking wise, talk to her...

The key is to talk to her and build a great relationship built in good communication..

If you cant even talk to each other, then i cant say im surprised...

I have never been in such situation, but sometimes i think about having a relationship, and how i would feel if i would deliberately cheat, and i wouldt feel bad, but maybe i would if my connection with my partner was real and strong..

Something which yours seems lacking in.

TALK TO HER and ask each other ANY QUESTIONS and come to an UNDERSTANDING!

[bcgirl]

You state this is your wife's best friend... Hmm... This doesn't just happen over night and if it does, it can certainly make a friendship go sour real fast.
Do you suspect your wife maybe a lesbian? Although there are lots of girly girls that play soft ball, I've seen a lot of butch girls play that sport too

[whatname]

Is my post visible?

Dam it isn't

As i was saying, this situation has never happened to me, but um heres my input..

I see that insecurities are the downfall of human interaction.

When you start dating someone, there's insecurity in how to act, and even when to call...

If good relationships where communication and understanding are not made with a couple then i am not surprised that this is happening to you.

If you had good communication, then perhaps you would have a greater understanding of each other, better expectations, and a stronger relationship.

But if you dont have these, i dont see why get married with someone you dont feel comfortable even talking to.

It's evident with the fact that you and her are not talking to each other and that you are coming to a forum for help.

Of course theres nothing bad with seeking help, but the core of this problem imo is a lack of understanding, and communication, if you were to sit down for a few hours with her and let every possible thing to understand each other, be discussed, and even expanded into longer periods of time then im sure it would help.

But now you seem to live in a world of confusion not knowing what to do, so my strongest advice is to make each other comfortable and talk about each other and what you are as a couple for a very long time until you come to a conclusion. You might still feel insecure, but trying to come to an agreement on a big picture would help.

Do that.

Sometimes i myself wonder if i would feel guilty if i cheated on a partner with an escort for example, for sex...i dont see my self as feeling bad about it, because its more like a "fun" act, but thats also because its an imagination, i dont really have a partner, with a strong connection, if i did i could feel way different...same is happening to you, in fact perhaps the only reason she is telling you this is because she is her best friend and its a girl..

You would feel way more betrayed and worst if it was a man even a stranger ( to you) believe me..she might even have more secrets!

So talk to each other, BREAK THE GOD DAMN FOURTH WALL IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...

AND COME TO A CONCLUSION, TELL each other any secrets or discrepencies...

WHY LIVE IN A WORLD OF LIES?