He makes me wait for days for a response regarding plans

[michelle23]

I hate playing games, and I have little patience for them. It all seems totally pointless to me and I'm not going to play along.

Stop wasting your time thinking about him. If hes not giving you the time/interest you would normally expect-move on. Life is too short.

[Wakeup]

This is a prime example of why texting should be avoided early in a relationship. You want to talk to the guy? Call him

... Werd! ...

[Wakeup]

He never needed to chase me, really, I have asked for nothing other than if he wanted to meet up this weekend. If he said no that'd be fine. I just don't understand what the point is, if he liked me why would it take days to get back to me, and if he doesn't want to see me then why not just say he's busy and be done with it?

He's hiding something.. what he is hiding isn't clear. How did you meet him? If you call him, does he pick up? Where do you meet when he does get with you?

[picklepops123]

It could be that he's actually trying to impress you in some weird guy psychology ie he may be keeping you dangling in the hope that you think he's a busy guy with options and worth having. It may be that he could say yes or no straight away but is playing games. It could also be that he likes to know you are waiting for his call and that he can pick you up when he finally decides (and he's banking on you not making plans or changing them to suit him). Either way (game-playing or genuinely busy) he's putting his own ego first and he's not showing you much respect. Personally, I'd write him off. Do your own thing. Don't ask him if he's free, just make yourself extremely busy. If he wants to date you, he must learn to respect you and that means understanding you have options too. If he asks you out, it's up to you if you go out with him but I personally would say no. He'll get the message that he's screwed up (guys know, they just push limits) and he'll either pursue you (showing you that he does like you) or he'll move on (showing you he wasn't worth the effort). If you 'play' it like this, you will lose nothing. No effort on your part and your self-respect fully intact.

[FriendlyStrange]

Again, thanks to you all for taking the time to respond, I appreciate it

He's hiding something.. what he is hiding isn't clear. How did you meet him? If you call him, does he pick up? Where do you meet when he does get with you?

I have no idea if he's seeing another girl, but from seeing his place, it looks very much like he lives alone so I doubt there's a live-in girlfriend. We met through a mutual friend, and where we've been meeting...sometimes out somewhere, sometimes his place. I don't call him, a weird quirk of mine is how much I hate speaking on the phone (even with family members), so I haven't tried. My guess is that he's "busy" with "better" offers, be it other girls, with friends or both.

It could be that he's actually trying to impress you in some weird guy psychology ie he may be keeping you dangling in the hope that you think he's a busy guy with options and worth having. It may be that he could say yes or no straight away but is playing games. It could also be that he likes to know you are waiting for his call and that he can pick you up when he finally decides (and he's banking on you not making plans or changing them to suit him). Either way (game-playing or genuinely busy) he's putting his own ego first and he's not showing you much respect. Personally, I'd write him off. Do your own thing. Don't ask him if he's free, just make yourself extremely busy. If he wants to date you, he must learn to respect you and that means understanding you have options too. If he asks you out, it's up to you if you go out with him but I personally would say no. He'll get the message that he's screwed up (guys know, they just push limits) and he'll either pursue you (showing you that he does like you) or he'll move on (showing you he wasn't worth the effort). If you 'play' it like this, you will lose nothing. No effort on your part and your self-respect fully intact.

I wondered this too, if it was some sort of weird "hard to get" strategy to build up his ego. I guess I can't know for sure what he's up to, but it isn't very considerate. The thing is, if a guy plays too many games then I end up getting irritated and throwing in the towel. I've done it before with a guy who was too flaky, funnily he still contacted me for a few months after I gave up on him. I think you are totally right, I am basically going to be "busy" myself and see what happens.

[picklepops123]

Good for you. I'm the same and have absolutely no patience with game-players and generally when I think someone is playing games they are. To me it spells immaturity but insecurity above all else. Also it illustrates to me an unwillingness to really get to know me - they've jumped to a conclusion and that's that in their eyes. I'm always sweet though and like you, often I find the guy hasn't worked out he's been relegated for a long while. Next!

[rayna]

I was in a similar situation not too long ago. It was kinda odd...it was fun when we hung out. He seemed into me and heck even seemed shy sometimes (like he'd make a move on me and then seem embarrassed or apologize). If I invited him out he'd make time to come even if there was something else going on in his life. We tried to communicate civilly. Then I found a job and moved away and he couldn't find a job in the same city so we just started talking less and less. I was busy...he was busy. Now once in a blue moon he'd send one text to check in on me but it never leads to a convo. I have yet to understand this kind of behavior... But I know my correct move is to walk away. If only my heart would shut up about hope.

[FriendlyStrange]

I am so glad I can ask about this stuff online, it makes things so much easier

Before posting this thread, I had replied to the guy's message. He had switched back to the Saturday, and I basically said that I was free that day but that as he seemed so busy it'd be ok if he'd rather just find another time. I don't normally play games, but I wanted to see if he'd take the chance to cancel altogether. His next reply was that he still wanted to stick with Saturday and I felt I'd seem petty if I canceled after that. So I went to his place (easier, I have roommates while he doesn't), and once again, he seemed really interested in me. He also told me a lot of stuff about himself, about his concerns over a sick family member, showed me some of his hobbies, talked about what his other weekend plans had been. Most annoyingly, he has a very similar sense of humour to me, so therefore he made me laugh which is my weakness.

At the end of the night, he started talking about meeting up again. He had mentioned that he has a family birthday to attend on the weekend (they live several hours away) so he said perhaps we could meet in the week. He did suggest plans a couple of days later, but I was genuinely busy that day, as well as this evening, and tomorrow. He said maybe he could meet me for a drink after my late shift on Friday but that depended on how early the next day he needed to leave to see his family. It turns out he'd have to leave very early so being out so late wouldn't be the best idea, but said that I am "more than welcome" to stop by and see him for a while before I start.

So basically I am still confused. He still takes ages to get back to me, in conversation he mentioned being generally bad with that, but still...it's ages. I don't understand why. Yet he still keeps making these plans to see me, and like I said before, in person he seems so interested and he was very open about himself too. I really don't get him. If he wants to see me, then why does it take so long to reply? And if he's not really interested then why bother with all this? I'm keeping cautious, it's the safer option.

[bearz]

There's no excuse why he doesn't respond to you within a day, especially with today's convenience of simply sending a text message, an email, or even calling you. He really doesn't seem to be that interested in you unless you are actually with him. That should be a red flag in my opinion.

[FriendlyStrange]

There's no excuse why he doesn't respond to you within a day, especially with today's convenience of simply sending a text message, an email, or even calling you. He really doesn't seem to be that interested in you unless you are actually with him. That should be a red flag in my opinion.

I agree, it is really weird. I myself can be slow sometimes at replying to people but not much when it involves planning stuff, so it makes me feel really cautious. I just don't understand why he bothers at all though. I'm not forcing him or pressuring him to see me, and I'm not conveniently available all the time as my work and classes mean I normally need to plan stuff ahead. What is the point in this if you're not that into the girl? Wouldn't it be easier to just find someone else who has a more flexible schedule?

[michelle23]

Men who are this "busy" are normally not trustworthy OP. Just forget him. Meet someone else.

[bearz]

I agree, it is really weird. I myself can be slow sometimes at replying to people but not much when it involves planning stuff, so it makes me feel really cautious. I just don't understand why he bothers at all though. I'm not forcing him or pressuring him to see me, and I'm not conveniently available all the time as my work and classes mean I normally need to plan stuff ahead. What is the point in this if you're not that into the girl? Wouldn't it be easier to just find someone else who has a more flexible schedule?

That's the thing, it seems like you are only convenient for him when he's got time and has nothing else to do. You might not be even on his mind during the week.

[Wakeup]

I am so glad I can ask about this stuff online, it makes things so much easier

Before posting this thread, I had replied to the guy's message. He had switched back to the Saturday, and I basically said that I was free that day but that as he seemed so busy it'd be ok if he'd rather just find another time. I don't normally play games, but I wanted to see if he'd take the chance to cancel altogether. His next reply was that he still wanted to stick with Saturday and I felt I'd seem petty if I canceled after that. So I went to his place (easier, I have roommates while he doesn't), and once again, he seemed really interested in me. He also told me a lot of stuff about himself, about his concerns over a sick family member, showed me some of his hobbies, talked about what his other weekend plans had been. Most annoyingly, he has a very similar sense of humour to me, so therefore he made me laugh which is my weakness.

At the end of the night, he started talking about meeting up again. He had mentioned that he has a family birthday to attend on the weekend (they live several hours away) so he said perhaps we could meet in the week. He did suggest plans a couple of days later, but I was genuinely busy that day, as well as this evening, and tomorrow. He said maybe he could meet me for a drink after my late shift on Friday but that depended on how early the next day he needed to leave to see his family. It turns out he'd have to leave very early so being out so late wouldn't be the best idea, but said that I am "more than welcome" to stop by and see him for a while before I start.

So basically I am still confused. He still takes ages to get back to me, in conversation he mentioned being generally bad with that, but still...it's ages. I don't understand why. Yet he still keeps making these plans to see me, and like I said before, in person he seems so interested and he was very open about himself too. I really don't get him. If he wants to see me, then why does it take so long to reply? And if he's not really interested then why bother with all this? I'm keeping cautious, it's the safer option.

Did you have sex with him that night?
Men will always seem interested if they're getting sex. If they're not seeing you on the weekends, not inviting you out on dates outside of places where sex is likely going to take place and making excuses that they have to see family on prime date nights then all that could be red flag behaviour. Keep your heart out of this until you know his intentions is my suggestion. I wonder how long it would take him to contact you if you stopped contacting him? It only takes a sec to text, I'll get back to you tonite when I'm free of work.

[smackie9]

The key word here is "casual". From what you have described (and what your gut is telling you) isn't really THAT into you. If things are not moving at a pace you like, then that means he doesn't meet your expectations. It's a no brainer to keep kicking some other tires.

[rayna]

Just to throw another thought out there. Does he ever text or check his phone when you guys hang out? If you've never noticed then maybe he really just doesn't check his phone that often.

I am always a big texter and I found out once that the guy I was texting took forever to respond (but always gave really long responses) bc he had a limited texting plan so he only responded if it was not like a one word thing. It was something that simple.