Should I tell him?

[Wakeup]

^^^ How do you spell s.a.n.c.t.i.m.o.n.i.o.u.s?

Op: this is not a special kiss that one would should be saving for their significant other that you gave this door man so I'd not worry about it and keep it to yourself because it's not anything that you'll ever do again. NEVER let anyone talk you into doing something you are uncomfortable doing. That is the lesson you need to learn in this particular situation, IMO.

How you allowed yourself to do something you didn't want to do isn't a good thing so don't do it again. M'kay.

[milou]

It's a tough one. I was expecting worse though, though this is pretty bad, too.

Several things can happen if you tell him. One he will forgive you and think that if you are so honest with him about something like this, then he can trust you for bigger things and this might actually make him trust you more.
On the other hand, it could do the opposite. He could start mistrusting you from that point on. It's really a tough decision.

People don't realize that when you do things like that, it cheapens the kiss for your loved one. For your relationship to be special you have to do things that only you do with your loved one. When you kiss, don't give away your kisses to just anyone, or they won't be special, anymore. For something to be real and lasting it has to have a meaning, it has to be dignified, pure, honest. What is a person without principles. Your actions define you, and they can destroy you, or make you beautiful.

Thank you for this reply. The second one, is what I am scared of.. that he would start mistrusting me, because he is a man with principles. I have never done such a thing in my life , that is why he might me a shock to him. But if I don't tell him, it is like I am hiding something anyway... What do you think?
I think I need to say anyway and see what happens if I want to be totally honest for our relationship.
Let's just hope it won't break totally the trust he has for me...

I can't tell him now, because we are far from each other, we are communicating through skype everyday.. So I think I will have to keep that until I see him again.
Also I am scared he won't understand why I kept that for almost 2 years.. and the worst is I did not even remember about that, with work and everything, it was not important, because it had no meaning for me, but now it came back to my head, and I feel very guilty.. I know it's weird..

[milou]

^^^ How do you spell s.a.n.c.t.i.m.o.n.i.o.u.s?

Op: this is not a special kiss that one would should be saving for their significant other that you gave this door man so I'd not worry about it and keep it to yourself because it's not anything that you'll ever do again. NEVER let anyone talk you into doing something you are uncomfortable doing. That is the lesson you need to learn in this particular situation, IMO.

How you allowed yourself to do something you didn't want to do isn't a good thing so don't do it again. M'kay.

Thank you! it is so true, and I am ashamed of that, I usually never do things that I am not comfortable doing, but i guess I wanted to make my friend happy and with alcohol... but it is true, it is a good lesson.. now I might pay a lot for this stupid mistake..

[Wakeup]

Thank you! it is so true, and I am ashamed of that, I usually never do things that I am not comfortable doing, but i guess I wanted to make my friend happy and with alcohol... but it is true, it is a good lesson.. now I might pay a lot for this stupid mistake..

Your guilt is misplaced and you should tuck it away and forget that it even happened. Doing anything more is just you being selfish and trying to aleviate your guilt by placing your burden on your boyfriend. Selfish, selfish, shelfish. If you had a passionate kiss that you wanted to have with this man, then that would be a different story. Unless you're lying to yourself or us about your intent, then you shouldn't need to feel guilty.

[milou]

Your guilt is misplaced and you should tuck it away and forget that it even happened. Doing anything more is just you being selfish and trying to aleviate your guilt by placing your burden on your boyfriend. Selfish, selfish, shelfish. If you had a passionate kiss that you wanted to have with this man, then that would be a different story. Unless you're lying to yourself or us about your intent, then you shouldn't need to feel guilty.

You are right about being selfish and I am not lying at any point. It's just that I never cheated at any of my boyfriend, I like to be honnest, even though I know it was nothing, i still put my lips on someone else's while I was already in a relationship, and I feel ashamed because it is not who I am.. I guess I feel the guilt now and not before, because I know it is very serious between us and I would never do that to him while at the begining I thought he might see other ppl too. You right it would be selfish, to hurt him. But I hear all the time that you have to be completely honest in a relationaship. I feel guilty cause I feel like I am not being 100% honnest.
I don't know maybe I exagerate but I think I would like to know if my bf was seing other ppl at the begining of our relationship...

I am so lost.. :S

[Wakeup]

You are right about being selfish and I am not lying at any point. It's just that I never cheated at any of my boyfriend,

... and you've not cheated on this one either.

I like to be honnest, even though I know it was nothing, i still put my lips on someone else's while I was already in a relationship, and I feel ashamed because it is not who I am..

You didn't "kiss" this man in the romantic sense. You kissed him in the "I want to get into the VIP room to be with my friends" sense. If anyone should feel ashamed and guilty it's the asshole who expects you naive girls to kiss him if they want in. Someone should have the manager kick his ass right out of the secruity guard role for that matter.

I guess I feel the guilt now and not before, because I know it is very serious between us and I would never do that to him while at the begining I thought he might see other ppl too.

It is not affecting anythign except your misplaced concern that you cheated. You did not cheat.

You right it would be selfish, to hurt him. But I hear all the time that you have to be completely honest in a relationaship. I feel guilty cause I feel like I am not being 100% honnest.

You will find as you mature that it is not a good idea to be volunteering a lot of things to your husband/SO. If he were to ask you outright if you ever kissed another guy since you've been with him then you would definately be honest and tell him the story because now he definately wants to know and you're not being selfish by telling him about such a trivial thing.

I don't know maybe I exagerate but I think I would like to know if my bf was seing other ppl at the begining of our relationship...

You WERE NOT 'SEEING OTHER PEOPLE' You're comparing apples to oranges for krist sakes.

I am so lost.. :S

If its screwing you up that much then just tell him and let the consequences fall where they may and stop obsessing about something so trivial, really.

[toknow]

Milou, if anything it's very probable he'll be glad you didn't sleep with anyone.

In fact, if you have to tell him about it, make sure he thinks you cheated on him at first (don't lie to him). What I mean is, if he expects you cheated on him, and finds out it's a kiss instead, I think he'll be very relieved it wasn't you having sex with someone.
Do you understand what I mean. So, if you decide to tell him, tell him how you feel about it first, don't tell him what it is. And since you feel horrible, he'll probably think you cheated on him having sex with someone, and he'll expect much worse, then when you tell him it's this.

This is the impression I had when I first read your thread title. I thought you had slept with someone. And when I found out it was a kiss, one that you didn't even enjoy, it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.

And it speaks highly of you that you think what you did was really bad, and you haven't even slept with anyone.

[milou]

Thank you everybody for all the comments, it really help me to understand and feel better. I think I am going to try to relax and think less about it and in a month when we will see each other, I will see how I feel, but I think I will probably tell him..

[QUOTE=toknow;893558]
Do you understand what I mean. So, if you decide to tell him, tell him how you feel about it first, don't tell him what it is. And since you feel horrible, he'll probably think you cheated on him having sex with someone, and he'll expect much worse, then when you tell him it's this.

the way you explained "toknow"about saying first how bad I feel about my stupid action is probably the best way to bring it to him. Thank you

[michelle23]

OP you did not passionately kiss him, you didnt enjoy it, you didnt like him, at the time when it happenedyou honestly thought it was nothing (and it was nothing)

perhaps you subconsciously fear matrriage? maybe your not ready and now your looking for flaws that will make him think bad of you?

this is not worth telling him about. seriously. i believe in 100% honesy
ty and 100% fidelity and i honestly think if someone cheats-they are obliged to tell their partner but you did not cheat. if you tell him now-it will mess up your relationship and it was nothing.

hell wonder y your only telling him now and may think your hiding other things. you have to let this go.
your feeling guilty over something stupid. it was like kissing your grandad a quick peck. it was even less than that coz it wuda been affection with a relative-it was just to get into the club.

at the time it didnt worry you. if you passionately kissed someone on the dancefloor-i would say yes tell the truth but it was nothing like that.