Please help! Is it impossible to ever get a relationship with my views and character?

[Woods]

Save politics for your work/studies, not for dating.

[dem862]

So are you saying the evidence shows that you are indeed "creepy", despite your best attempts not to appear so? In deference to your desire not to be considered "creepy" and a "rapist," is it perhaps within the realm of possibility that you are giving off the impression of someone who is trying to be what they are not?

[basilandthyme]

The difficulty being that the former kind treats those with politically different views as personal enemies, and they would therefore never date with one such.

As a 'bleeding heart leftie' I somewhat agree with this statement. While I would not see an extreme right wing voter as a personal enemy, I do believe that his morals and ethics would be incompatible with mine. And if the morals and ethics are incompatible, a relationship is not possible.

I completely detest, and here feminists would agree with me, the notion that women should be involved in the "womanly" activities, such as cooking, crafting, watching comedies, attending yoga, reading celebrity magasins, etc. It is simply a shame they are wasting their lives like that, instead of being involved in the things which give motion to the world and the society, thus instead of making a contribution into the processes of our world, they are preoccupied in the matter being imposed upon them by the society.

This binary attitude only shows your ignorance of women. Why do you think that women can't be politically active and enjoy traditional feminine persuits? I am a very keen crafter....patchwork, drawing, cooking and papercraft are things I'm very fond of. And I'm also politically active. I've been campaigning for the National Disability Insurance Scheme. I'm involved in seeking better supported living options for the disabled. I'm passionate about increasing funding for public schooling. And I've spent far too many hours campaigning against a massive overdevelopment proposed for our suburb.

Indeed, the idea that, as some-one in this thread mentioned, women must be entertained by jokes, silliness, and "fun" I find most derogatory and I would even say offensive, for it treats women as little children, incapable of more profound and intellectual conversations and activities.

It's not just women. Most men want a girl who has a sense of humour too. Hubby and I make each other laugh - it's not just him 'entertaining' me. Did you know that two people can not only discuss politics...but they can also laugh at silliness too? I have found that the most interesting people are those who can comfortably move between serious topics and having silly fun.

Again, this I believe is something many feminists would greatly disagree with. In fact, these men are the ones who treat women as children and of lower status, for they expect not from them that, which they would expect from men, they expect from women less, they expect them to be undertaking their artificial social roles of doing the "womanly" things, which I have already described, and not making them be involved in the important things as philosophy, politics, economics, history, business, art, literature, etc.

While my hubby supports my 'womanly' interests, we also take shifts minding the kids while one of us out campaigning against over development. And who made you master to judge one person's interests as being more important than another person's interests?

Mate, between your binary view of women's behaviour and believing that your own interests are more important than other' interests, it's no wonder you are single. And I can safely say that you will continue to be single.

[surfhb2]

It's simple John....you just sound very boring. Yes....women do want "circus clowns" because they aren't boring.

My guess is that you will have a hard time finding a significant other. Not to shoot down your hopes but you just have to put up with the rejection until you find that girl. She out there....it'll just take awhile longer then Most guys. Good luck!!

[bcgirl]

Firstly, I'm a Canadian girl and have talked to numerous opposite sex about politics. I wouldn't judge the whole person based on his/her political beliefs unless they were a complete fascist. So perhaps you are talking too much about your political views sounding like a preaching broken record and it can get boring real fast. My take on why you are 25 and still single is because you lack social connection. The norm doesn't speak the way you write, and if that is the way you talk...well it's a no brainer why you aren't getting the girls. Women in their child bearing years are evolutionary attracted to an alpha male type. Someone who is able to take the lead in a sense. It's no wonder the girls prefer to go out with a guy who is a pro athlete who talks like a trucker than a vegetarian, tree hugging political activist who got into Harvard. A girl in her early 20's would much rather you wine and dine her, take her out dancing and go back to your place to have mind blowing kinky sex. If you want Shakespeare and museum, ask a 50+ yr old lady whose in menopause

[surfhb2]

The topics I chose for discussions were very neutral, such art, music, philosophy, I spoke a lot about Bauhaus, for instance, or about metaphysics, I was explaining Kant's CRP, so there could be no suspicion at all that I might be saying anything which could be misinterpreted as being sexually related, or that would ever show that I treated them as being of different sex (i. e. females). Yet, why would they still find me "creepy"?

Dude! Seriously? If those are the topics you wish to woo a girl with, I really hope you enjoy being single LOL. News flash....girls dont want neutral...put something in gear

[IndiReloaded]

Notreadingthatwalloftextsorry.

[Love'sReject]

Dude! Seriously? If those are the topics you wish to woe a girl with, I really hope you enjoy being single LOL

I agree with that.

First dates which intellectually heavy stuff like that reminds me of intelligent serial killers that target women. I think there was a Kevin Spacey movie about it, not sure...So it's not really any wonder, OP.

[bcgirl]

^ k. That's a bit far fetched. I wouldn't think serial killer. You'd have better odds getting slipped a date rape from a stud muffin jock at the club. I would think... "This guy is a bore and someone incompatible so why waste my time". A girl in her early 20's most likely listen to mainstream music not classical. A girl in her 20's would rather drink green beer on saint patty's day than sip English tea...get my drift?

[michelle23]

sorry I just dont know anything about politics so I didnt know what you meant by anti-socialism, pro-civilisationism... etc. I dont have a clue what that means. You sounded old fashioned and I wondered is that why women hate your views. I don't believe in extreme feminism like test-tube babies etc-that is crazy! but I do expect to be treated equally and I would not allow a man to make me feel beneath him and I don't believe in double standards (one rule for him-another for her etc) 100% equal.

Anyway I just picked up what you were saying wrong-thats all. I wasnt accusing you of anything.

I dont know where you get this view on men and women? Where I come from-women are involved in all of those things you just listed philosophy, politics, economics, history, business, art, literature, etc. And I dont know many men who make women feel beneath them. My bf swears occasionally, doesn't speak in a perfect way etc but he treats me really well so I dont understand why you think just because they are a little rude or dont have the best manners-it automatically means they treat women bad? That is not true.

[John Steed]

Thank you for your comments, I very much appreciate your advices!
Although a few more points to be expounded in response:

A girl in her early 20's would much rather you wine and dine her, take her out dancing and go back to your place to have mind blowing kinky sex.

But this seems outrageous! Is not the very reason, and the most common one, why a girl would avoid or condemn a man, is that she would hold that he has sexual intentions??? That is, would not a girl leave and stop communicating to a man, as soon as she will begin suspecting, that he bears intentions of copulating with or touching her? Is it not the case that women are being perpetually threatened by men who have, amongst other things, copulation on their mind? And not such potentially dangerous people are the ones denominated "creepy" and "weird, i. e., those who would will to touch and do other obscene things to them?
This is why, as I mentioned earlier, I refrain from ever anything which could be misinterpreted as me treating her as a person of an opposite from mine sex, and thus as having some vulgar intentions, hence I exclusively resort to the neutral topics such as art, philosophy, music, politics, literature, etc. And by the way, is not actually taking a girl to one's own place considered officially a crime? I mean that not only if you ask a girl to come over to your place, will you be administered multiple blows with the handbag upon your head, never talked to, and treated eternally as a sexual maniac by all the people, but could also end up in jail for sexual harassment (even if you in fact had not such bad intentions at all in mind when you asked the girl to come to your place, but, say intended to read poetry or play violin to her)?

News flash....girls dont want neutral...put something in gear

But would not they then misinterpret me as having vulgar intentions, or as insinuating or emphasising that we are of different sex, and hence avoid me?

I do believe that his morals and ethics would be incompatible with mine. And if the morals and ethics are incompatible, a relationship is not possible.

Well yes, but that applies primarily to radicals like nazis or communists, who both believe that it is morally good to kill certain classes of people, to suppress freedom of speech, to try people without court, to torture them, etc. Nevertheless, as regards normal and reasonable people, be they left or right, the ethical standards are usually the same, the difference is in achieving them: we both hold it as our ends equality of opportunity, most happiness and freedom to all. A modern left wing person would say this is constituted by preservation of ethinical and religious identities, redistribution of wealth, welfare system, national self determination of countries, high taxation and government controul of the economy, whereas I would claim these things being amongst some of the key causes of inequality, strife, privation, hindrances to freedom, poverty and suffering, hence it is not the ends, which generally constitute the core of one's ethical principles, but the means which are the cause of disagreement of rational and non radical individuals.

This binary attitude only shows your ignorance of women. Why do you think that women can't be politically active and enjoy traditional feminine persuits?

It is my duty to clarify this point, inasmuch as this is not what I intended to say, and thus I believe you have misread me. I said that I think it is ill for women and is of great inequality being the fact that the majority of women (according to my experience, and many other could support such a claim too) are apolitical, indifferent and preoccupy themselves exclusively with womanly activities showing lack of interest in, if not openly despising other important things. I have no objections to when a person is involved in both types of activities, I find it poor when the majority of the representatives of a certain group of people, to wit of women, restrict their activities only to a limited sphere, having no desire to widen their interests and to be involved in other things. I am not blaming only those specific women themselves for such narrowness of interests, but also the society in general who imposes through various means that role upon women, discouraging them from taking parts in certain spheres and professions. It is well known that in the earlier days women were even legally, not to speak of being socially, prohibited from entering various trades, and were encouraged to remain at home and perform domestic work, so my concern is that evidently the effect of such a malicious policy has not been fully overcome unfortunately, and as the result thereof, we have currently a generation of women the majority of whom are politically indifferent, are not interested in philosophy, business, history, etc., and find it more interesting to cook, do yoga, watch soap opera, etc.

And who made you master to judge one person's interests as being more important than another person's interests?

And who made them masters to judge that their interest are more important? For merely by ignoring and not being interested in and having no sufficient knowledge of certain disciplines, they automatically produce the judgement that such interests are less important (simply in virtue of not having proper knowledge thereof). Please see my previous paragraph: my concern is not that my interests are more important, but that statistically the majority of the females limit their own spectrum of interests restricting themselves only to a few prescribed by the society sets, having even no desire to consider something else, and to "open their horisons".

Mate, between your binary view of women's behaviour and believing that your own interests are more important than other' interests, it's no wonder you are single.

Again, you seem to be distorting the meaning of my assertions. In what sense is my view "binary"? I am not believing that my interests are more important, I am believing that women should not restrict themselves exclusively to some prescribed sets of interests, but should consider other fields too. Unfortunately there are few women, compared to men, who become politicians, philosophers, composers, film directors, businesspersons, etc. This I find wrong and being rooted in women's lack of desire to be interested in such fields (mainly such lack of desire had been cause by society).

So perhaps you are talking too much about your political views sounding like a preaching broken record and it can get boring real fast.

Well, the fact is that I actually avoid conversing concerning politics with those persons who I know already would strongly disagree with me. The problem that they eventually find out what my views are anyways, for instance if they ask first themselves what my opinion is as regards a certain subject. And thereafter they simply commence hating me as a person (for instance they say "how do you think we should help the aboriginal people?" and I would reply "I think we should stop giving them funds, which only create dependency, and we should help them by civilising them through making them abandon their "traditional" prehistoric way of life and encourage them to move to the cities and acquire decent education." "oh, you are such a racist!")

My take on why you are 25 and still single is because you lack social connection. The norm doesn't speak the way you write, and if that is the way you talk...well it's a no brainer why you aren't getting the girls. Women in their child bearing years are evolutionary attracted to an alpha male type. Someone who is able to take the lead in a sense. It's no wonder the girls prefer to go out with a guy who is a pro athlete who talks like a trucker than a vegetarian, tree hugging political activist who got into Harvard.

Thank you, this, I believe, is information of great use for analysis, albeit I find it being immeasurably odd.

PS I understand that there are some Irish people here, thus I want to make it clear that I am not at all anti-Irish, I in fact have several Irish friends, and am not against the independence (although merely ideologically I do not like everything about Catholicism, but this applies of course not to Irish people but to Catholicism itself). If any of my posts seemed in any way inappropriate or ill intended (but in fact they were not intended to be such at all), this is not at all because I am anti-Irish, for in fact I am not, I want to make this clear.

[michelle23]

But would not they then misinterpret me as having vulgar intentions, or as insinuating or emphasising that we are of different sex, and hence avoid me?

It depends. If you both really like each other, trust each other and can see potential for a relationship-then sex is normal between two people. Why do you think shed think your a creep for that?

As the result thereof, we have currently a generation of women the majority of whom are politically indifferent, are not interested in philosophy, business, history, etc., and find it more interesting to cook, do yoga, watch soap opera, etc. [/I]

I dont agree with this. I know a lot of top class business women, female doctors, historians etc. I myself studies psychology and sociology. There are also a lot of men who are not interested in any of the topics you mentioned so your theory makes no sense.

the majority of the females limit their own spectrum of interests restricting themselves only to a few prescribed by the society sets, having even no desire to consider something else, and to "open their horisons".

Some people enjoy learning and exploring. I research all sorts of different things all the time. Some people dont. Its not a gender thing. Everyone is different. What do you say about men who work as teachers or nurses or hairdressers or in kindergarten, special needs assistants etc? Again your theory makes no sense because lots of men are now interested in all sorts of things that they were stereo-typically not supposed to like before.

I do get what your saying. All these stereotypes about men and women etc really wind me up too and I think a lot of people are afraid to just be themselves because the media has thought men to behave a certain way and thought women to do the same but I dont agree that women are less present in certain careers because they believe they have no place there. I think it all boils down to personal interest. We recieve the same education men do and we choose which topics we like.

[michelle23]

I am from Ireland and I think its a lot different here. Even 100 years ago there were women working as judges or in politics as far as Im aware and there are still a lot of women today who are present in our government and all sorts of careers that you mentioned. Most people here do see women as 100% equal and nobody has ever made me feel inadequate to men-ever. Our past president was a woman for 15 years (Mary McAleese)

I studied construction studies in school and there were girls in the technical drawing class who went on to study engineering in college and they were never made to feel different because of it. There are also tons of women working in the police force etc

But I would say that is the norm in most countries today

[michelle23]

But to answer your original question-I think there are women who would share your views but the problem may be that you just talk too much about it. Can you tell if someone is getting bored with the conversation and know when to give it a rest?

Also perhaps you should try to explore other things that you have little interest in. And try to take her somewhere different on dates. The zoo, a carnival, dinner, a wine bar, the cinema. You can also take her to museums etc but try to be more diverse and have a few other things to talk about.

When somebody talks in such a perfect way, is never rude or never swears etc-I think it makes others feel like they are being judged when they do which is uncomfortable. Im not saying you should change into a slob or anything but you could try to just loosen up a little and have some fun. It sounds like you are looking for a real lady (and there is nothing wrong with that as long as your not telling her to sit up straight or lecturing her for spilling some gravy on her dress) She should be able to relax and just be herself. I know myself that I am quite clumsy lol and Id say a lot of women are especially if your nervous so dont assume that means she is lacking in manners. Its the opposite

[basilandthyme]

OK John, you are right about everything. Enjoy your single life.