Leaving Danny at the altar still haunts me, 12yrs later...

[overanxious]

Of course "some" but certainly not enough to give up on two marriage proposals and to be posting about it 12 YEARS LATER. You're posting apples to oranges.

true...agreed

[FlaCooln]

Sometimes you meet and are with a great person, but it is just the wrong time in your life. I have an exGF from college we dated for about 2 years. She graduated a year ahead of me and we did the long distance thing for a year. Her dad one day told me his wife and him love me and consider me a son, basically giving me their blessing to marry his daughter. I did not realize it at the time, but that scared the shit out of me. I was still too young for all that, wanted to party some more, and the LDR thing got hard. So we broke up.

I used to compare every woman I dated to her. None were as good, none made me feel as loved, none would wake up in the middle of the night when I went to the bathroom to make love to me. But, you know what I realized years ago that she is not the woman I knew and I am not the same man I was back then. We all grow and learn. Stop reliving past mistakes...they are WAAAAAY in the past. You were not ready for what you had. You are now and you will find that with someone else who will love you for who you are today.

Take these words from a man who no matter how bad it gets will NEVER stop believing in love and has recently found an angel.

[VerticalMoon]

Lots of people have "the one that got away". Somebody that they're still kicking themselves over years later. What's unusual and unhealthy in your situation is how strongly this is still effecting you many years later. There isn't just one person in the world that we could be happy with. There are a number of them. It can sometimes take time to find them, but they're out there. Maybe you had one and let him go. So? You were young and didn't know how to appreciate what you had. You need to learn to forgive your past self. Move on and keep searching. He's found somebody else. You can too. If I was you, I would avoid contact with him and block him from any social networking feeds. If that wasn't enough to get over the obsession or depression, then I'd get counseling for it. If you don't, then the notion that you can never get over this is likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[michelle23]

if you dont get over a loss within 2years-you need counselling. its that simple. some people waste their whole life living in the past and its your loss if you do that.

you cheated, you let him go and you have just repeated that same pattern for the past 12years. what about the other 2 that you let get away?

he got over the past as most healthy people do. hes happily married with kids now and prob well over you OP.

you need to do the same or else you will miss your chance of a happy ever after.

the thought of losing my partner scares the crap outa me. when i think about it i can feel this anxiety building up inside me coz i love him to death but you know what? i am strong and realistically if he left me-as much as it would hurt me, i know i am strong enough to handle it, grieve the loss within two years and meet somebody equally compatable.

you have wasted twelve years. its time to stop wallowing in self pity, grow a backbone and go and find some happieness. life is too short for this bollox. your ruining your own life. your self-destructive and i dont really have much pity for you coz i think its quiet pathetic-sorry to be blunt.

you can either waste the next ten years feeling like crap or you can forgive yourself, realize it wasnt meant to be and meet someone else.

theres no such thing as "the one" the reality is you could be compatabile with a million people. ya you ****ed up and you paid the price. you did the crime and did the time so now you gotta heal and get the **** over it. your only hurting yourself.

srriosly get some counselling. b&t is right btw-i dont believe in ldr either. complete waste of time. it was not meant to be. if it was youd still be together now

[Valixy]

You already know that you shouldn't blame yourself for the fact that this relationship didn't work 12 years ago. He was away for 3 years, you started to lose the intense feeling for him because of the distance, questioning your love for him, needed attention and got confused. The fact that your parents were divorcing didn't help, you were lonely and very young and too vulnerable in front of that situation. If you had been away for three years, he would have faced similar difficulties waiting for you at home.

You seem to long for a second chance though, but you forget or prefer to ignore you had one. You both got together after three years and it didn't work. Much of the trust, love and respect were gone. He dumped you after one month and you considered it was right for him to to that (!) A week later he wanted to try again but you asked him to remain friends and he was fine with that. He didn't insist and he didn't cause a big drama.

Maybe you should stop thinking that you hurt Danny beyond his psychological limits by cheating on him and cancelling the wedding. It seems to me that Danny is a big boy and got over that just fine. When he had a chance to be with you again, he didn't mind screwing it and then he accepted to be your friend. Then he got married. He doesn't behave like someone who has been traumatised for life, so maybe you should give yourself a break.

In my opinion you two were not meant to be together even if everything seemed to be planned wonderfully for you two, because when two people are meant to be together, they actually stay together. The guys you met afterwards and you felt you couldn't marry them, that was not because of Danny. They simply didn't tick all your boxes, emotionally, mentally, physically. However I hope you 're aware by now that Danny wasn't perfect either and your relationship with him must have had its problems but it was easier and more simple for you to connect with a man when you were 16 than when you were 28. The expectations are completely different too.

If you feel that the romantic aspect of your life has failed, you could at least stop thinking that it's because you haven't married Danny. Everything happens for a reason and if you can't see the reason yet, it doesn't mean there isn't one. Instead of self-flagellating yourself for being single as if it's some kind of divine punishment, accept the challenge of your emotional nature, feel free to experiment life and enjoy your freedom because secretly many wish they had it. The right man and the big love will come

[Kromat83]

i actually agree with ya....i mean im not going for therapy...because they arent going to tell me anything i havent thought about or dont know....but ya 12 years is awhile...if im still like that in 12 ill go...although i still think its a little natural to have some feelings of regret on a 1st love...even after 12 years....especially if you are alone

A thing to consider, with getting over someone, is not regretting what you've done.
It happened, he went his separate ways, and you made it happen, so just accept it.

My 1st love went love distance, and she broke it off, to give each other someone else a chance, because she couldn't wait for something to happen and it really wasn't fair for the two of to continue, with so little interaction.

Some things are meant to be in life :
raising a family, death, friends, mistakes, choices, fate,
accomplishments with hard work, the right job, love for someone else, etc.

I am currently working on myself, which you should do too, forget about the past,
and just look forward to loving yourself first, and liking what you are today,
and feel happy that a whole life awaits you still.

[IndiReloaded]

@ Valixy - Nice armchairin. Sorry I missed my chance to Thank.

[Valixy]

Thanks, Indi. I appreciate it