Help! Falling in love with married man?!

[Rowen]

Because I already said my intentions are good, I never got involved in this to be malicious or hurt anyone, especially his daughter. I didn't WANT OR WISH for this to happen, and I've never experienced anything like this before. I can't help my feelings, it just happened. You can sit there and judge me all you want and tell me I'm wrong, it doesn't matter. I can sleep just fine at night because I know I'm a good person stuck in a shitty situation. I'm just trying to seek advice maybe from someone who has actually experienced what I am going through. Didn't post this so I could be criticized and insulted by people who know absolutely nothing about me and don't even know the full situation. So go ahead, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, keep sitting on your high horse judging people then we'll see who karma comes back to.

Ha...whatever helps you sleep at night, dear.
You got involved to pursue someone for love, all the while knowing he was already taken with a daughter. That spells bad karma right there. Paint it any color you want, OP, but you did what you did. Your actions, should they ever be discovered by his wife, WOULD hurt someone. And you're still hanging onto hope that he's into you- another bad karma. Also, you seriously want to know why I'm being so hard on you, OP? I don't want you to go down a road I've seen a number of friends go down and a road I almost went down myself. Yes, I was in a similar situation before, but you know what? The best thing is to walk away because, in it, YOU MEAN NOTHING. So, of course, sit back and tell the guy who is trying to give you a wake up call and sound alarm bells so you can protect yourself that he knows nothing about your situation. I've lived it. You're just too sucked into his bullshit that you can't even see the reality of things. Call it "being on a high horse" but I call it protection.

Like it or not, the situation is simplistic- You like him. He's married. You wish you could be with him. He has a daughter. You're hurt that you can't have him. He's cheated on his wife by screwing around with you behind her back.

But you know what? Apparently I know nothing, according to you.

[Wakeup]

Did you think that I haven't thought that its simply lust? I've thought about it plenty of times, over and over and I don't think it is just lust or I wouldn't be here.

I must respectfully tell you to take your head out of your ass and logically think about these feelings you 'believe' you have for him. You don't know him outside of work, the odd oral exercises and a drink or two to get you ready for whatever the two of you do sans penile penetration. Love is an action word and he has not shown you any actions that he loves you nor have you shown him.. sex is not a loving action.. It is just sex (particularily when its under the situation you two are having it.. and yes, oral and hand jobs is sex .. its just not intercourse.) If he's like how he sounds, then I suspect you're not the first girl he's had extra-marital shennanigans with.

There is more to it than I have been able to type in the single paragraph overview I wrote.

Hardly. Like I said, drinking after work and oral sex doesn't equal loving actions. You've let your passion make you think it's love.

I'm just confused. I know that what you're saying is logical and makes sense and you're probably right about him, but I honestly can see myself with him.

Saying you would be fine looking after his daughter without ever having done so are just words, words that help convince you that he's who you should be with yet you take no consideration into the fact that this man is untrustworthy. He's married, doll, that makes him a cheater and you the enabler that allows him to cheat. Think about it.

You are also right about my boyfriend. He has been my first and only serious boyfriend. I know that if we were still meant to be in our relationship I wouldn't be cheating on him. I know I need to leave him and that we have nothing anymore but it's way more complicated than that or I would've left already. I can't leave him right now and you just have to trust me when I say that

Sorry, but whatever this reason is that you don't leave means you're using him right now. I'm thoroughly convinced that if the dirty bastard you're cheating with were to leave his wife tonight... whatever reason you're using not to leave your bf you would totally disregard and off you'd go.

but yes I know I need to experience life single instead of acting like I am. Thank you for your input.

He's cheating his wife and you're cheating yourself. If you leave your bf theny for goodness sakes don't do it because you're lusting after a cheating womanzer.

Did you google "Limerence?" Read the Wiki link to it so you understand that it's not love you are feeling for him.

I suspect that your karma will be that he'll do on you, what he's doing with you.

[Prescious]

whatever you do and i honestly couldnt give a toss what happens to you or him-just tell your bf the truth. he doesnt deserve this-noone does and stop making excuses by blaming the f**kers wife-its not her fault. it takes two to make a marriage work and they are both to blame IF hes telling you the truth that they are unhappyand now he has broken any chance of repairing his marriage with the mother of his child coz hes messing around with you and she doesnt deserve this bs either.

i dont care if shes the biggest bitch on the planet, if she nags him all day and refuses to have sex with him and laughs at the size of his d**k. if hes unhappy he should get mariage counselling or leave her. its no excuse to have an affair. it dont solve anything-just makes everything 100times worse

your a selfish two faced cheating liar. good luck when karma bites you on the ass

OMG you are my new best friend. Finally somebody telling it like it is. It is bitches like this girl that ends marriages. You are right if he is miserable, you slut, then why doesn't he divorce her and do co-parenting? WHY? It's all BS he loves his wife and will not leave his miserable wife for you

[Miseryx3company]

OMG you are my new best friend. Finally somebody telling it like it is. It is bitches like this girl that ends marriages. You are right if he is miserable, you slut, then why doesn't he divorce her and do co-parenting? WHY? It's all BS he loves his wife and will not leave his miserable wife for you

Yes I am a slut and a bitch and I am trying to end his marriage. You lone nothing you pathetic idiot. Maybe if read everything you wouldn't be asking why he won't leave his wife. You are a judgmental retard and of you actually read the shit I wrote you would understand that I never intended this to happen. I am not trying to end his marriage, I just want him to be happy and I know he is not happy with her and he can't leave her at this time because she would then have no one to take care of her. So how can I blame him for feeling guilty and not wanting to dump the mother of his child on the street? And please, don't say he is filling my head with these lies, box he actually never talk about her, I have only hears him say that she is a very jealous woman. I heard what the real issue is from his very close friends, my fellow coworkers. People that have known the 2 of them since they got married. And I already said he married her bc she was pregnant with his child. She was told shed never have children then by a miracle she conceived. He was trying to do the right thing.

So I will no longer respond to any negative criticism or insists. Unless you have something constructive to say, or your input will actually contribute and help make the world a better place, then I don't want to hear it. Go harass someone else.

[Wakeup]

OMG you are my new best friend. Finally somebody telling it like it is. It is bitches like this girl that ends marriages. You are right if he is miserable, you slut, then why doesn't he divorce her and do co-parenting? WHY? It's all BS he loves his wife and will not leave his miserable wife for you

Its interesting that you don't say one bad word against the man who is cheating on his wife. Not one.

[Wakeup]

Yes I am a slut and a bitch and I am trying to end his marriage. You lone nothing you pathetic idiot. Maybe if read everything you wouldn't be asking why he won't leave his wife. You are a judgmental retard and of you actually read the shit I wrote you would understand that I never intended this to happen. I am not trying to end his marriage, I just want him to be happy and I know he is not happy with her and he can't leave her at this time because she would then have no one to take care of her. So how can I blame him for feeling guilty and not wanting to dump the mother of his child on the street? And please, don't say he is filling my head with these lies, box he actually never talk about her, I have only hears him say that she is a very jealous woman. I heard what the real issue is from his very close friends, my fellow coworkers. People that have known the 2 of them since they got married. And I already said he married her bc she was pregnant with his child. She was told shed never have children then by a miracle she conceived. He was trying to do the right thing.

So I will no longer respond to any negative criticism or insists. Unless you have something constructive to say, or your input will actually contribute and help make the world a better place, then I don't want to hear it. Go harass someone else.

You'd seriously do well to stop believing his lies and get on with your life without him in it. He's a cheating douche bag who is feeding you a bunch of lies why he can't leave his wife. He doesn't leave because he doesn't want to. PERIOD and you are a naive and hopeful interloper who will suffer heartache over a man without character.. Stop being a twit.

[dickriculous]

[bcgirl]

However way you want to look at it, hooking up will never be right. He will ALWAYS have the upper hand. Firstly he is much older than you with a lot more experience, he is your superior at work, he has a marriage and family so he can always keep you on your toes and either promote you at your job or fire you. While you are day dreaming about someday being Mrs. John Doe he is going back home to his wife and kid. Yes, his wife may be a manipulative bipolar that got pregnant but he is a grown adult who can make his own decision and he chose not to use a condom and he also chooses to stay with a bipolar nutcase... What does it make him? He chooses instead to not try to split custody of the child in court under the grounds that his wife may not be fit due to her bipolar/manic depressive states yet instead tells young 20 yr old girls at work about how crazy his wife is yet at the same time leaving his precious 6 yr old daughter with nutcase mom while he is doing some shooter shots off some young employee after work...hmm... Don't be so naive and take things at face value because its never as it seems. I too swayed men to bring me home to mom etc....all the while having a boyfriend I knew I would never leave at the time...yet still strung around those puppy dogs in love...cheaters have a way, and if they are capable of the highest level of manipulation which is cheating, they are also masterful at painting nasty images about how aweful their current spouse is like they are the damsel in distress or prince trapped in a witches spell that needs to be saved.

[Valixy]

Does his indifference and lack of truth hurt you after you fool around with him? Well, if his absence hurts now, imagine how it will feel after sleeping with him. Of course that sleeping with him once will not be enough, so stop telling lies to yourself. You will actually be even more in love with him after sleeping with him, you will need him to treat you with more respect and consideration after that and you will need more of him. All this while he will become more detached and less interested, going cold on you, dissapearing again for a while, leaving you going nuts and you will be absolutely heartbroken and going to work will be more painful than you can imagine.

Your main problem is that you think there's the possibility of a happy ending, like being together with him, or simply losing interest in him one day but none of these things will happen. He will not leave his wife for you and he is not even in love with you, maybe he is attracted to you and he likes playing with you, that's all. When he suddenly treats you with indifference, it's not because he's fighting his feelings of love for you, he simply doesn't care enough and he starts valuing more his wife and his work. Also you will not suddenly lose interest in him while you're working there, you simply are too in love with him and you've lost control over your emotions, so maybe doing something else about it will be necessary.

This relationship is wrong and unhealthy - just think of all the doubts and pain you've been untill now and this is just the beginning. If you can't care about your boyfriend, or his wife, or his daugther, please care about yourself, your emotional and mental happiness and be strong enough to let this go. You can still do the right thing for you, take the right choice, rennounce to this 'love' and get another job. Or you can decide to continue working there, developing more feelings for him, sleeping with him and ending up feeling used, not loved, humiliated and heartbroken. Getting another job for you is just a question of time, in my opionion. You can leave now with your head up, or later when you'll be running away from too much pain. Your choice.

[Miseryx3company]

This relationship is wrong and unhealthy - just think of all the doubts and pain you've been untill now and this is just the beginning. If you can't care about your boyfriend, or his wife, or his daugther, please care about yourself, your emotional and mental happiness and be strong enough to let this go. You can still do the right thing for you, take the right choice, rennounce to this 'love' and get another job. Or you can decide to continue working there, developing more feelings for him, sleeping with him and ending up feeling used, not loved, humiliated and heartbroken. Getting another job for you is just a question of time, in my opionion. You can leave now with your head up, or later when you'll be running away from too much pain. Your choice.

THANK YOU. Thank you for giving me what I asked for. Advice. Thank you for speaking to me like I am a human being and not something horrible and disgusting stuck on the bottom of your shoe. Everything you said I have either felt myself but managed to suppress or already knew just didn't want to admit it to myself or hear it from anyone else, which would just confirm that there is no happy ending and that the only way out of this is to leave. I really do appreciate your advice. I think what you said was the final confirmation and kick start I needed to get up the strength to deal with this and move on. Thanks again!

[Valixy]

Be strong and a smart girl and do the best for yourself. Leave and protect yourself of more misery. You would indeed end up suffering beyond your limits otherwise and he isn't worth it. Good luck!

[Zaz01]

Be strong and a smart girl and do the best for yourself. Leave and protect yourself of more misery. You would indeed end up suffering beyond your limits otherwise and he isn't worth it. Good luck!

Thank you for your honest advice and thank you for not judging me. As I explained to someone else, there is so much more to this situation than I was able to explain in the single paragraph overview I wrote. Yes, these things do happen. I wish it never did and I can't help my feelings for him. To answer your question I would. I can see myself being a mother to his child if I had to. It's not something I wish upon his daughter, to have a broken family, but if he left her I would be more than willing to step into that role. And that's what confuses me and makes me feel like its more than just a crush and lust. I would give up my life as I know it to be with him and take care of his daughter... But you'll ask would he do the same for me? No I don't think so. But I know it's because he is scared to leave her. If you read one of my other replies you will see why. As for my boyfriend, yes there is more to that than I have mentioned. And I know that I need to take care of that situation before getting involved in another. You are also right about the job. Waitressing jobs are a dime a dozen. I should leave, especially since he has so much "power" where I work. It's just hard. I live where I work, we're like a family. I've made some of the best friends I've ever had at this place. ::sighs:: I just don't want to feel this way ya know? :/

I was in a similar situation as you. Except there was no cheating. She was divorced and I was single. And she did attract me. And I also thought I was able to be the stepdad or whatever. But I honestly think you can't know that until you try. And let me tell you one thing about dating parents..you don't just have sex with them. You don't just try.

Here are some situations that kinda drained my energy.

She was very close to her parents. Along with the kid, they were all family. They were nice to me but trust me, you easily feel you're an outsider.
When I watched TV, I had to look what I watch. No violence. No sex. Seems like a small thing but with time, everything bothers you. Just symbolizes you,rr giving up stuff...you're watching cartoons instead.
Mom will always be around. Be ready for that woman to be mentioned all the time. To tell stories of a happy family ocassionally. Sure, it makes sense now. But when you get to the point of wanting more of him, when you develop selfishness we all develop in relationships with time, you will feel like competing.
If you havee dreams likenope. traveling, seeig the world etc.....nope, it's not about you. Her needs will direct everything.
Alone time? Nope.
Being intimate when she is around? Sure, when she falls asleep...but be quiet. And there's always possibility she may go to th bathroom so you can't really relax, you gotta prepare for the case she wakes up so it doesn't look like you're iust having sex.

That's just a glimpse into it. Guess it would be easier for you because fathers are less involved and don't get the custody but you'd experience many of the same things like I did, for sure. At first I was also like, I like kids. No problem. But I just couldn't.

Think about it.

[Starnique]

^^^^Well that was just your specific situation and the way your GF at the time did things. That doesnt happen with everybody. Of course a child comes first, as they should and any man that dont understand is childish and the woman is better off with him anyway but no thats not always true. that was YOUR situation.

[michelle23]

Wow thank you for being so judgmental. You don't know me and all you know is what I've written on one paragraph about the situation. It's actually much more complex and what I've written is only the surface. I'm not saying his wife deserves to be cheated on, because that's not how I feel. However, I do not judge him for what he has done bc I know the situation between them. He married her because she was pregnant with his child, which was an accident. She was told by the doctor age could never have children then she became pregnant. He was trying to do the right thing. His wife is also diagnosed bipolar/manic/depressive and has no one to take care of her. Her parents died and she has no family to turn to. He is scared of what she will do if he ever tried to leave her and who wants to deal with going to court and all that? It's just not something he can do right now so I don't think it's right that you were so quick to judge and make it sound like its so easy for him to leave her. As for my boyfriend, again, you don't know. What if I told you he beat me and. Was afraid of him that's why I can't leave? Not saying that's what's going on but you don't know so don't be so nasty. Do you think I WANTED this to happen?! Do you think I want to be in this situation? I am a strong believer in karma myself and I'm not worried about karma coming back to bite me in the ass k? My intentions are good and I'm trying to find a solution to this problem. Or else I wouldn't have asked for advice.

Like I said already-i dont care what excuses you come up with-they go in one ear and out the other. Its all bullshit to me. Cheating is cheating no matter how you try to dress it up and he had a choice-he didnt have to marry her-that is also bull! Your bf has given you 7 years-what a ****ing waste of his time.

If he is beating you-call the police, get a social worker, get a restraining order, counselling, ask family for help etc. What good will an affair do? #

I will judge you coz my morals are much much stronger than yours and I take responsibility for myself and my life and if I was in an unhappy relationship I would leave (not cheat) and I go by a girl code which is to look after each other. I wouldn't mess with someone elses man. Its wrong! You have destroyed a family. I am obviously much stronger than you coz I dont need a man to help me get out of whatever situation I find myself in. I will look after myself.

Do you want us all to throw you a little pity party? Lets get out the violin shall we and pat you on the back, wipe your tears and say "there there"! No, what you need is a serious reality check and a slap across the face so I am not going to be nice and I dont care if that hurts your feelings.

What the f**k is wrong with this world? Does nobody have any integrity or loyalty anymore?? Seriously!

BTW my grandmother has bipolar disorder and she is the most beautiful, strongest person I know. I adore her as does the rest of my family. She has an illness-you think that makes it okay to cheat on her?

And if you knew anything about this illness you would know that most people with it can live a normal life as long as they take their medication properly and look after themselves. My grandmother lives alone. She has reared five children, been through a very messy breakup to an evil bastard who treated her like dirt (my grandad), lost her daughter (my aunt) and had so many ups and downs along the way but she is doing fine and we are all proud of her.

[michelle23]

If you want some constructive advice: Get rid of both the men in your life and get some therapy and learn how to be a person with self-respect, morals, dignity and integrity before you meet another man.

but your not gonna do that are you?