Serious Relationship

[misombra]

i suppose i would do it if it was what the person i was with wanted. i don't think anyone in my family would require it except for my grandmother who is not here. so there wouldn't be any pressure for it on my side.

[whaywardj]

I'm beginning to get the feeling that the LF board is in general agreement with the contemporary idea that marriage as traditionally understood is, and has for a long while been, a defunct institution except as it pertains to, at one end, establishing ownership of wealth and, at the other end, making a public acknowledgment of a private condition that exists between people. Given that, I have to ask in response to the question posed by your original post, Arty: What's marriage got to do with whether anyone's seriously committed to a relationship or not?

[artyemi]

it doesn't, from my view.

i'm just racking my brains out why someone would bring it into a conversation of serious and then doubts about marriage.

i've never heard of it before.

like, i've heard of either you just wnat sex or you want some thing else.

what serious, but no marriage... it's new.

why can't serious just be open ended?

[artyemi]

and yes, i agree that the general idea on here is that marriage as an insitution is defunct.

[misombra]

What if that was the only reason and not much else was working for you two? Would you still do it?

i just realized i didn't answer your question...

i will say no. i'm not big into the money thing. i would do it just so i could feel like i have some power if i'm having children with somebody with a lot of money, you know what i mean?

i dated this architect with lots of money and a nice house in the nice part of santa fe. he was a jerk. the bling bling means shit to me.

[Asip4u]

i just realized i didn't answer your question...

i will say no. i'm not big into the money thing. i would do it just so i could feel like i have some power if i'm having children with somebody with a lot of money, you know what i mean?

i dated this architect with lots of money and a nice house in the nice part of santa fe. he was a jerk. the bling bling means shit to me.

ahh, yea that makes sense...I view it pretty much the same way

[Asip4u]

well you guys, i'm off for the night...Canada Day festivities, so party time now....happy 4th just in case i can't login later (i've had many problems in the past)..caos

[whaywardj]

I'm not sure I'm following you then, Arty. Here's what you asked:

"What if it's a serious relationship, but with no prospect of getting married, why then must it be exclusive to one person?"

By saying "why then," you imply that if marriage IS a prospect, that will have a bearing on whether your romantic involvement is exclusive to one person. I'm asking what's marriage go to do with whether it's exclusive or not?

Then, of course, there's the question of whether not being exclusive also means not being serious.

All very interesting, wouldn't you say?

[shh!]

I have another question - If marriage is "simply a formality" or "only a piece of paper", then why are men so hesitant to do it, even when they claim they want no one else, and all that other blah, blah... I think perhaps it has more symbolic meaning than is being acknowldged here, but maybe I am wrong.

[misombra]

i don't know. maybe because they feel like they're signing their lives away?

[whaywardj]

Yes, misombra. Can we all say "protecting your assets," kids?

[shh!]

Well, now - that was a sexist remark. I happen to know several couples in which the wife is the bigger income earner. What about THOSE men?

[whaywardj]

shh! -- I see two components to the institution. The ceremony (public acknowledgment of committment to...we're still trying to decide what!), and the legality (controlling wealth). The myth is that the ceremony (connoting union) is the stronger, more meaningful component. The fact is that, today, the legality (connoting control of assets) is actually the stronger, more meaningful component. That's why marriage has lost any meaning in serious relationships. It's become completely disconnected from affairs of the heart, and utterly hard wired to purse strings. IMHO.

[shh!]

There are pre-nups to protect your assets, women often make their own money, not all women wish to reproduce, divorce is always an option, and yet men are STILL hesitant to sign up while women are usually anxious to do so. I think men romanticize marriage more than women, and I can't help but think they have some sort of symbolism attached to that piece of paper, or else it wouldn't seem like such a big deal for them to get married.

[Chlorine]

Artyemi-----"yet, here's one that that boggles me. a person who wants a serious relationship, yet, has already said that marriage is out of the question. i can understand sex only."

Hey artyemi, my small 2-cets. If a person told me that they wanted a serious relationship, but didn't want to get married ever.....I'de interpret that as NOT a serious relationship and I would move on. Guess I'm old fashioned. Marrying me, would mean he wanted a serious commitment. Anything less than that, isn't serious to me.