confused, help needed...

[Millie]

To me its when you find a new "best friend" of the opposite sex and invest a lot of time in them.. Stick around on this forum and in time you will see the dangers of male/female friendships. Its prob the biggest issue here. One woman was here last week. Her 5 year relationship ended coz her bf found a new best female friend who he hopped straight into bed with 5 mins after their breakup.. Shes devastated of course.

Men come here all the time talking about a taken girl who they want to be with and she sends out mixed signals and tells him after awhile she has feelings for him but then goes home to her bf-eventually leading to a breakup, a brief fling before she runs back to her bf and new guy is left devastated... and her relationship is never the same again as her bf is so hurt..

It happens all the time. My bf doesnt have female friends. he had one years ago who he grew up with but they grew apart over time and I know for a fact he never had feelings for her coz she used to irritate the life out of him and he thinks shes a bit of a twat. The only reason she was friends with him was coz she had a major crush on his best friend and at the time she was in a long term relationship with someone else..

Since he has never had any interest in having female friends-all his friends are male and me and his mum and his nana are the only women he really cares about-if he all of a sudden had a new best female friend Id leave him coz that is an emotional affair

Hmmm, yes I can see that it's potentially a slippery slope for some people - but not all, and as far as I'm concerned it is possible to develop a friendship with a member of the opposite sex without there being any mixed signals but I suspect that's half the problem - that most people who get into that 'emotional affair' scenario don't clearly define the boundaries of what is/is not appropriate because they like the attention a little too much and don't see the harm in it until it's too late.

You'd leave your boyfriend if he suddenly made a new best friend who was female? Really? Similarly to your boyfriend, my husband doesn't really have female friends and never has so if he were to make a strong friendship connection with a woman now it would be strange for sure and I'd definitely keep my eye on it simply because I think it's always worth keeping an eye on out-of-character behaviour, but I wouldn't be leaving my marriage over it lol

[rts]

Im not the best talker, so ive written my feelings down to her, saying how much it hurts, this flirting, she says that's her personality, which in a way is true, but its taken 10 years to reach a stage that bothers me so much.
I feel im constantly confronting her about it. After the talk, I feel assured, happy. But this doesnt lsst long till my heads going round in circles.
I feel she's not taking it serious in the way she dismisses it,
I know she loves me. And she says she loves me, and thats all that matters!

Is there anyone out there who has a jealous partner, to give me an insight as to what im making her feel?

Thanks

[LifeInflux]

Im not the best talker, so ive written my feelings down to her, saying how much it hurts, this flirting, she says that's her personality, which in a way is true, but its taken 10 years to reach a stage that bothers me so much.
I feel im constantly confronting her about it. After the talk, I feel assured, happy. But this doesnt lsst long till my heads going round in circles.
I feel she's not taking it serious in the way she dismisses it,
I know she loves me. And she says she loves me, and thats all that matters!

Is there anyone out there who has a jealous partner, to give me an insight as to what im making her feel?

Thanks

Oh, yes, jealous partners... I've had one extremely jealous one. A lot of it has to do with insecurity, some of it might have to do with their past, in this particular partners case, she had both going for her. A cheating ex and she was just rife with insecurity. RIFE I tell you.

It got to the point where she wanted everything to be passed by her.. I couldn't have any female friends, I could barely have any male friends.. and if I even had a single gay friend, she'd get suspicious. It was truly that bad.

What it came out as, is me being dismissive a LOT because I felt that a lot of the time these issues were unfounded (and they were) as I have never given her a reason to not trust me. I wasn't talking to these women every day and I was still with her much of the time so it wasn't like I was running off with someone else for hours or days at a time.

I reassured her, but it was never enough, simply because she had her own issues. Eventually that type of thinking will wear out its welcome as it did with me and I became completely detached from the situation. I understood how she felt, and even after inviting her along and telling her she could meet all of my women friends, it was still a constant problem.

The only thing she wanted me to do was stop hanging out with my friends, both women and men, as often as I had been and no other option would suffice. While your situations isn't as good, you need more transparency in this situation and learn to cope with that lest she stops caring its a problem altogether. (which she may have already started doing)