depressive lover mixed signals please help!

[Wakeup]

Yes, you've done the right thing and I'm sorry you're hurting but with zero contact (don't respond to him if he tries to contact you as you will only set HIM back (as well as yourself) in healing if you do.) Don't let him hoover you back in to ease your pain, that too will set you back in your healing.

In time and what you do with your time will speed along your recovery, once you've healed and found a healthy love where you don't have to be micro-managing and caretaking, you'll be so happy you love yourself enough to be this strong.

Well wishes.

[TablesandChairs]

He sounds more bi-polar than depressed. In which case, I would proceed with caution. You don't want to end up just as neurotic as he is, which is what will happen if you expose yourself to these weird games for too long.

Is he seeing a therapist? Has he got any sort of treatment plan in place? If not, then you are dealing with a time bomb - he doesn't even know what's going on so what chance do you have?

If he has bi-polar, then remember that during certain times, sufferers can feel intense feelings of love but this is cyclical - the next day, he could feel nothing. And so on and so forth. The reason you're so keen on him is because, from what I've noticed, these people can make you feel like a Queen/King because of their obsessive nature...but I'm not sure how real it is.

[ditzypenguine]

Thanks for your answer. I am not qualified to diagnose him but you are right about one thing. On our good days he did treat me like a queen. But this was no infatuation like it is suggested. We actually did connect in a very deep level and it was not the sex or our minds playing tricks. That was very real. Unfortunately so is his illness. It hurts so badly right now I can't even begin to describe it with words but I know that it would hurt a thousand times more in the future. The universe is mega screwed up. I waited all my life for someone like that and then everything I ever wanted and more gets dangled in front of my face for enough time to make me feel secure and then taken away just like that. It is not fair :-(

[Wakeup]

Have you considered that you are letting your imagination run away with you about how wonderful this relationship was? Goodness you've put it up on a pedestal and within a measly 4 month period you've gone on an emotional roller coaster that has you believing that this union was the best thing since sliced bread. Really? Just how poor were your other unions if you consider this mess in sush a fond manner?

I suggest you don't idolize what you had with him (good sex and pain and confusion) as "everything you ever wanted and more" or you will find it harder to get to the stage of indifference to him. Not even a full 4 months together.. how can you even say it was everything you always wanted and more... are you talking about the sex? Because everything else sounds rather awful to be truthful. Small increments of "good times" in between the majority of emotional tormenting you hardly sounds like healthy fun and what most people would call "everything they wanted and more."

Sorry to say because I know you're hurting but for you own mental/emotional health I believe it's time to glean the reality out of that fantasy you've imagined your relationship with this man to be, ditzypenguine. Help yourself to heal by viewing what you had as you had it. Which appears to be a disfunctional mess highlighted with bouts of hyper sexuality.

You dodged a bullet by leaving him. Know and believe that.

[ditzypenguine]

I really appreciate you trying to help and I do not mind tough love one little bit. But please allow me to have the inside knowledge of the specifics of my connection with this person. I am not the overenthusiastic little girl. Last time I used the word love was in 2004. I have been in love only once before and even then I knew pretty fast that I was falling. 4 months is plenty of time to fall in love if chemistry and lust at first sight predisposes you towards a person. A lot can be shared. Experiences, feelings. I know very well why I fell in love with him. You just have to take my word for it that. It is obvious that while posting on a forum a lot of things will be left out and yes, the bad will be emphasized. For the best part yes, I knew he was depressed. I knew he had problems but we connected and we were moving forward and he did make me happy (again I am not talking about sex). That unfortunately changed. The weird behavior started a couple of weeks ago (since he had the night terror incident). Now that the tables have turned I refuse to remain in a relationship which drags me down and makes me cry. So there is no going back. That doesn't change the fact that he was an amazing person with issues who either doesn't love me or isn't capable of loving me and being a proper boyfriend. It just means that my emotional well being matters to me more than his.
I hope my response does not seem rude :-) , that was not my intention as I really appreciate all the input that I am getting but I see that sex is emphasized in many responses and I wish that when I say something about my private life people would accept that I might know what I am talking about.

[TablesandChairs]

Heartbreak isn't logical; you know you did the right thing but that won't stop the sadness; you cared about him and whatever you shared was meaningful to you. You're not a robot, there's no off switch. It's just something you will deal with and get past, eventually.

As someone whose ex-fiancee was bipolar, all I can say is that mental and emotional stability is invaluable; it's only when you come across someone who really doesn't have it that you realize this. Your sanity doesn't rub off on them, if anything - they start rubbing off on you and your whole life becomes affected. He gave me some of the most amazing moments of my life so it's telling that I can honestly say - I would happily not have had those in exchange for not having the bad times that ensued. Give yourself the time to grieve; at some point, the fog will lift and you'll know you made a very wise choice.