Help dealing with a naive girlfriend :/?

[pcmaster]

So you are not just a husband but older father figure aswell. You have to guard this innocent thinking girl(Redhead) from nasty wolfes who wants only to eat her. Can you be the hunter and deal with them? Cause I dont see other option. They have to respect you or be unwiling to cross the line. As I understand instead you want to focus directly on your wife and spend energy with purpoise to make her stop these unpleasant flirts that bothers you. If shes telling you what others said its pretty good. She might be unwilling to come clean sometimes cause your reaction is too sensitive. She dont want to stress you.

[Lalalandguy]

Maple that seems like sound advice. It's hard to just drop someone because of an old habit but some things need to change. Thanks.

More suggestions welcome.

[Lalalandguy]

PC-Pure strangers don't bother me, but coworkers need to know their boundaries. Unless you're suggesting you're cool with your wife's colleagues flirting w her.

[toknow]

I don't know what people here are even talking about. This is completely inappropriate! You are right not to feel comfortable with this.

[Hightower]

Sometimes women need a guy to guide them and I mean this because we are men and know exactly how men think. Look, when I first was with my wife she was young, maybe 22 at this time. For whatever reason I went to a party with a bunch of old high school buddies that I have since drifted away from (it happens). These guys are pigs, I won't sugarcoat it and they get crazy at their parties. Well, one of the guys was asking all of the girls to lift their tops. Most of them did, because, well that's what you do I guess. My wife (girlfriend at the time) was asked by one of my old friends but didn't know what to do. I think she felt intimidated a bit but she knew these were some old friends of mine. Anyway, later in the night she was coming out of the bathroom and the same guy approached her and asked if he could see her boobs. She lifted her shirt up and showed them reluctantly and she had a couple drinks in her. Then he was going to grab for them when she put her shirt back down and she left the room and told me immediately that she wanted to leave.

Bottom line, I sort of left her vulnerable in a place where any respect for women was thrown out the window. She didn't know these guys and didn't really know how I expected her to react either.

But if you have a nice girl, I think you have to be blunt with her and flat out say that men can be pigs sometimes. She sounds attractive and I think the best thing you can do is let her know that if anyone steps out of line you are right there to back her up. This party she went to, I think you should have been there. If spouses are not allowed to come to "office get togethers" then that alone is a red flag and if your girlfriend doesn't see that, you should.

[basilandthyme]

Basil-The problem is most of those men wouldn't say those things if I was there. So I expect her to know this keep those standards by reminding them when I'm not.. Am I wrong for that?

Not necessarily wrong....but you sound a bit uptight and controlling.

Thing is, she can't control what others do in her presence. And if the atmosphere at her work is friendly and jokey, then these types of comments will happen from time to time. She could be firm with them and tell them to stop - or she could go to HR - but she probably doesn't want to be seen as an uptight bitch who can't joke around.

Again, I think that if she laughs it off and simply doesn't encourage it or respond in kind, then all is good.

[pcmaster]

Seen where it goes and its the matter of weeks when flirting turns into kissing and touching. Maybe if its all the guys its fine its not like one particular guy is stalking her. You could visit work time by time, ask someone to keep an eye on her. In your place I would on my toes too.

Good luck guy, stay confident !

[basilandthyme]

So she kissed other guys while you two were together? That is cheating.

but they were separated. I wonder who called the separation and why??? And what was the agreement of the separation?

I think I need more info on this one.

[searock]

but they were separated. I wonder who called the separation and why??? And what was the agreement of the separation?

I think I need more info on this one.

Oh, my bad - I interpreted "separation period" as a period in which they were distant from each other for some unrelated reason (I thought he was away on a trip or something like that). Yes, if they were "on a break" it's different, depending on the terms for their break.

[Lalalandguy]

Sometimes women need a guy to guide them and I mean this because we are men and know exactly how men think. Look, when I first was with my wife she was young, maybe 22 at this time. For whatever reason I went to a party with a bunch of old high school buddies that I have since drifted away from (it happens). These guys are pigs, I won't sugarcoat it and they get crazy at their parties. Well, one of the guys was asking all of the girls to lift their tops. Most of them did, because, well that's what you do I guess. My wife (girlfriend at the time) was asked by one of my old friends but didn't know what to do. I think she felt intimidated a bit but she knew these were some old friends of mine. Anyway, later in the night she was coming out of the bathroom and the same guy approached her and asked if he could see her boobs. She lifted her shirt up and showed them reluctantly and she had a couple drinks in her. Then he was going to grab for them when she put her shirt back down and she left the room and told me immediately that she wanted to leave.

Bottom line, I sort of left her vulnerable in a place where any respect for women was thrown out the window. She didn't know these guys and didn't really know how I expected her to react either.

But if you have a nice girl, I think you have to be blunt with her and flat out say that men can be pigs sometimes. She sounds attractive and I think the best thing you can do is let her know that if anyone steps out of line you are right there to back her up. This party she went to, I think you should have been there. If spouses are not allowed to come to "office get togethers" then that alone is a red flag and if your girlfriend doesn't see that, you should.

Great advice! It's hard to convey your expectations when she isn't used to males given she was raised proper with all sisters and has only been around me and my friends for the last 10 yrs.

[michelle23]

I doubt anyone is this naive tbh. Id say she is more afraid of your reaction so acts dumb. As long as shesvnot doing anything to encourage it and doesnt cheat-then there shouldnt be an issue. The reality is shes gonna get attention from others no matter what-you probably will too. We cant control whats others do and its pointless being rude to people who try to flirt with you. Its better to just ignore and change the subject instead of making a mountain out of a molehill.

[VerticalMoon]

I think she needs to be careful about adjusting her boobs in front of other people. If she's putting her hands on her boobs, that can seem inappropriate and send the wrong message.

If she's not doing anything to encourage those comments and just getting them because her breasts are large, maybe you should be more concerned for her than for yourself. Some of the things you mentioned sound like grounds for sexual harassment to me.

[Lalalandguy]

Yeah, we discussed her not going to after hour work events that are recreational. She seems to understand that men will always look at you as a woman regardless of your work performance, it's just nature. Although she needs to be aware of inappropriate comments and check them, especially if they work with her to prevent any awkward situations or drama.

Let me know if I missed anything.

[Starnique]

Since she either don't know or pretending not to know, I would suggest you talking to her about your dislikes and how easy it is for her to be taken advantage of. But as Basil said, if she doesn't go for it then what's the problem? You seem insecure. I'm pretty sure she knows not to cheat on you or do anything else inappropriate and if she does, I hope you don't buy into the innocent role. Attractive women are gonna get hit on, you need to trust that she won't give in like she hasn't been. If you don't like the attn she's getting, find yourself an ugly woman.

[Lalalandguy]

Since she either don't know or pretending not to know, I would suggest you talking to her about your dislikes and how easy it is for her to be taken advantage of. But as Basil said, if she doesn't go for it then what's the problem? You seem insecure. I'm pretty sure she knows not to cheat on you or do anything else inappropriate and if she does, I hope you don't buy into the innocent role. Attractive women are gonna get hit on, you need to trust that she won't give in like she hasn't been. If you don't like the attn she's getting, find yourself an ugly woman.

Star - As I said before ( and for the last time ) I'm not worried about her cheating.
It's her inability to acknowledge sly comments from coworkers that is annoying. My problem was conveying this in a way that she understands so she can just be more aware and let guys know when they're crossing the friend zone line.

If she was consciously attracted to someone and cheated, although I don't condone it I could understand that. I just want her creeper radar to be a bit stronger as women with weak radars tend to be more vulnerable in certain settings.