Fell in love with someone I shouldn't...

[michelle23]

There are different types of cheating dude. Just coz you haven't kissed her doesn't mean your not cheating. If I found out my bf slept in the same bed as another girl-he would be dumped. If he was holding her hand, cuddling her, hugging her etc-he would be dumped, watching her dress/undress etc -DUMPED!

Do your research on genetics:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage

http://doctor.ndtv.com/faq/ndtv/fid/12127/Is_it_safe_to_marry_my_second_cousin.html

Going by what this second link said-it is safe to have a baby with your second cousin-only 2% risk

[Scarlet Knight]

Well man dont be so sensitive, im not saying im better or that you are worse than me. Just saying for your age and expierience level things are normal.

In your place I would cut any artifical contact with all the girls. No skype, phone emails etc. I would realy concentrate on myself. Like month or two stop using internet, phone, TV and etc. - all the information sources from outside. Change the surroundings too(diferent country or town) In this way the confusion would disapear cause I finaly could hear my own voice. I would know for sure what I want in life. Did this few times before and it always ends up with higher inner confidence and ability to focus. In this way you would realy know which girl you want to be with and how to aproach her. You would know how cause you like her and you know its right. Doesnt matter what everyone lese thinks you would be ready to fight for her cause you know you deserve her. Finaly you would trust yourself.

Seriously just stop thinking. Talk with all the girls that you meet in everday life and it will let you know girls better in general and make you so much less of a vegetable near girls you really like.

I see, thank you for behaving in a more constructive manner. The idea of taking some time to think about me and what I should do sounds nice but as for if I feel like a "vegetable" near girls that's a whole different story really. I have no problem flirting with girls, it's just that she is a cousin and it gets 10 times more difficult and akward to confess my love to her for that sole reason.

[Scarlet Knight]

There are different types of cheating dude. Just coz you haven't kissed her doesn't mean your not cheating. If I found out my bf slept in the same bed as another girl-he would be dumped. If he was holding her hand, cuddling her, hugging her etc-he would be dumped, watching her dress/undress etc -DUMPED!



Going by what this second link said-it is safe to have a baby with your second cousin-only 2% risk

Ok my dear Michelle, no need to get mad on me. I really didn't want things to get the wrong turn like they did now... I'm already thinking of breaking up with her in 3 days from now.
Also I don't think I did anything bad yet with my cousin that would count as cheating, I really tried to avoid everything I could when I was with my cousin and to wash my mind off dirty thoughts as much as I could but you know, sometimes humans are weird creatures. I tell my body "no" yet it say "yes". I can understand your frustration about feeling like my gf is being cheated on but I assure you, I didn't have any intention to do anything before breaking up with her. It's just that there are some things that I can't control.
I've already researched about the 2% risk by the way, and that's the risk I was referring to when I said a baby may have health issues.

[HeartIsAching]

Good luck with whatever lol. Im sure doing things this way(not doing anything that matters - not taking risks) will end in the same way as they started. But I must report this language. No offense.

Sorry? You resort to name-calling in your very first post to him, then object to him replying in kind?

[pcmaster]

I think the problem is not in the fact that she is cousin but problem is in too strong feelings. Like most guys put women on pedestal and so making them unreacable to them. So did you. You made her unreachable by this whole cousin thing. Like you cant because shes causin, what others will think, its not common in society etc. Its calling breaking free. Like with any girl there is a moment when you two dont care what others think - the imaginative walls are down and you both are free. Lately I have this new idea that people cant give love cause they might get the same in return. Its like you wont go and punch some random person on the street cause you might get the same back. Its not the emotion that creates fear but the strenght of emotion.

Its common thing in society to work, pay taxes and not break the law. Nowhere in law is said that people have to be happy, follow their hearts and dreams. People tend to surpress their emotions not to express them, just live like machines. Infact only 3% people do whats in their hearts, do what they really want to do. The rest 97% sucks cause they doing what is expected from them, they just exist and avoid trouble - anything to not to stand out from rest. If you are living someones other life then who will live your life?

[Scarlet Knight]

I think the problem is not in the fact that she is cousin but problem is in too strong feelings. Like most guys put women on pedestal and so making them unreacable to them. So did you. You made her unreachable by this whole cousin thing. Like you cant because shes causin, what others will think, its not common in society etc. Its calling breaking free. Like with any girl there is a moment when you two dont care what others think - the imaginative walls are down and you both are free. Lately I have this new idea that people cant give love cause they might get the same in return. Its like you wont go and punch some random person on the street cause you might get the same back. Its not the emotion that creates fear but the strenght of emotion.

Its common thing in society to work, pay taxes and not break the law. Nowhere in law is said that people have to be happy, follow their hearts and dreams. People tend to surpress their emotions not to express them, just live like machines. Infact only 3% people do whats in their hearts, do what they really want to do. The rest 97% sucks cause they doing what is expected from them, they just exist and avoid trouble - anything to not to stand out from rest. If you are living someones other life then who will live your life?

Exactly, that's my problem, by her being my cousin I feel like she is unreachable despite my feelings for her...
The last 2 sentences of your reply is definately some food for thought. Thank you for behaving in a better manner as of the latter posts you made and giving better advise than at the beginning.
I hope more people will give me their opinion as 2 people only makes it a bit too hard to judge.

[Valixy]

If you imagine the best scenario and she is equally attracted to you at so many levels, do you think that you will both feel comfortable to go public with it? Because if you feel that you need to keep this relationship secret, you have your answer. Whatever the barriers, you should feel that you're able to face them otherwise it's no point trying. A secret romance with a second cousin is not worth the hassle, unless both people feel that they are mature and strong enough to live comfortably sharing this secret and not ending up regretting and feeling guilty a few years from now on. It normally happens that way.

My opinion is that when the possibility to be with someone confronts you with such a strong interior conflict, you should listen to yourself, recognise that part of you that tells you to disengage and be wise about it. What doesn't start peacefully it rarely ends up bringing one joy and happiness, quite the contrary.

If you choose to continue, you should feel totally comfortable about being in love with your second cousin, but if you don't feel that way, you should maybe renounce completely to this possibility. You may not believe this now, but there are other girls out there that you could connect with the same way or even better.

[Millie]

You are cheating, sleeping half naked in a bed cuddling another girl IS cheating.

Sorry kinda late to the party on this one and I haven't read the rest of the thread yet so I could be jumping the proverbial gun but do you really believe this or did it just sound good in your head? Which part of that situation equates to cheating, the sleeping part or the half naked part or the bed part? Obviously the OP's gf would have strong opinions on that I'm sure but I don't see how it's cheating per se.

[Scarlet Knight]

If you imagine the best scenario and she is equally attracted to you at so many levels, do you think that you will both feel comfortable to go public with it? Because if you feel that you need to keep this relationship secret, you have your answer. Whatever the barriers, you should feel that you're able to face them otherwise it's no point trying. A secret romance with a second cousin is not worth the hassle, unless both people feel that they are mature and strong enough to live comfortably sharing this secret and not ending up regretting and feeling guilty a few years from now on. It normally happens that way.

My opinion is that when the possibility to be with someone confronts you with such a strong interior conflict, you should listen to yourself, recognise that part of you that tells you to disengage and be wise about it. What doesn't start peacefully it rarely ends up bringing one joy and happiness, quite the contrary.

If you choose to continue, you should feel totally comfortable about being in love with your second cousin, but if you don't feel that way, you should maybe renounce completely to this possibility. You may not believe this now, but there are other girls out there that you could connect with the same way or even better.

I'm sure you are right Valixy about being able to find some other girl out there someday that I can connect with as good or better. My decision for now is to let things calm down and roll by themselves while I will focus on something else to try and forget her. It's only a few days now and this inner conflict drives me mad. I can't talk to anyone around me about it because I think they will find me creepy and it's too tough to keep living like that. I will just relax for now and think good before acting and doing anything stupid. Of all the posts here yours was the most kind, insightful and helpful, you have my thanks Valixy.

[Valixy]

I am glad if you found my post helpful. Just one observation. This is always a group contribution

Some posts may sound more appropriate than others precisely because there have been several before or after discussing many possible points of view.

And one last comment on something you said in one of your replies. I quote you: 'I just want a nice and healthy happy relationship with her that would be nice to stay hidden for both mine and her sake.' This is not realistic of course. A nice happy healthy relationship should not be hidden.

As others have said, there are people that marry their second cousin, so this is not the problem, but how you perceive it. If you aren't comfortable with it, then maybe it's not the right thing for you and you wouldn't even enjoy it as much as you think you would. Taking in consideration how conflicted you feel about it, I agree with you that the best decision is to distance yourself and give yourself time to calm down all these emotions until you succeed to find your old self again. I think that you will feel better and better and stronger every day. Fighting such a strong temptation is never easy but you have already passed the most difficult test when you visited her and you will win this time too. Engaging in other projects also helps as you said, and admitting to yourself that you need a different kind of relationship in order to feel happy AND proud of yourself is the best start.

[Scarlet Knight]

I am glad if you found my post helpful. Just one observation. This is always a group contribution

Some posts may sound more appropriate than others precisely because there have been several before or after discussing many possible points of view.

And one last comment on something you said in one of your replies. I quote you: 'I just want a nice and healthy happy relationship with her that would be nice to stay hidden for both mine and her sake.' This is not realistic of course. A nice happy healthy relationship should not be hidden.

As others have said, there are people that marry their second cousin, so this is not the problem, but how you perceive it. If you aren't comfortable with it, then maybe it's not the right thing for you and you wouldn't even enjoy it as much as you think you would. Taking in consideration how conflicted you feel about it, I agree with you that the best decision is to distance yourself and give yourself time to calm down all these emotions until you succeed to find your old self again. I think that you will feel better and better and stronger every day. Fighting such a strong temptation is never easy but you have already passed the most difficult test when you visited her and you will win this time too. Engaging in other projects also helps as you said, and admitting to yourself that you need a different kind of relationship in order to feel happy AND proud of yourself is the best start.

Yeah, you are right about that quote not being realistic, I'm just so troubled I can't think well about what I really want and what I should do...
I try to drown my thoughts in studying, drawing or exercising in order to forget about her as much as I can now as well as hanging out with friends/girls and engage in fun activities with them to think of her as little as possible. The more I think about it the more hopeless and childish a relationship with my cousin looks like, no matter the feelings I have for her right now.

[Valixy]

If you feel so troubled as you do and a part of you opposes so strongly, she might be an amazing girl but not represent the right relationship for you because of your principles, other factors that came into discussion and your main idea of what your love relationship should be like. It happens. Only you can decide.

[TablesandChairs]

Do you want a relationship or a fling? You stated you just wanted a great experience but your feelings don't sound suited to a fling; you need to be clear with yourself. You have a 'fling' with someone you don't really love - you just like them/are attracted to them. Nothing too heavy.

If you simply want to sleep together a few times and have a summer romance type situation that you can keep secret, so be it provided you both agree to those terms. If you want something more, then you'll have to face some scrutiny or the chance that the secret will be found out...is that acceptable to you? If so, proceed.

[Scarlet Knight]

Do you want a relationship or a fling? You stated you just wanted a great experience but your feelings don't sound suited to a fling; you need to be clear with yourself. You have a 'fling' with someone you don't really love - you just like them/are attracted to them. Nothing too heavy.

If you simply want to sleep together a few times and have a summer romance type situation that you can keep secret, so be it provided you both agree to those terms. If you want something more, then you'll have to face some scrutiny or the chance that the secret will be found out...is that acceptable to you? If so, proceed.

To be honest I would like a long relationship with her because I love her but since it's impossible to keep a serious relationship secret I've decided to just spend time alone for now, break up with my gf and focus on other activities to clear my mind.