Physical vs emotional affair, which is more damaging to a relationship?

[Idainaru]

All 3 of them are inappropriate!

1. It is a fantasy about someone related with real life. And if you know that person, and think about that person while masturbating...its pretty obvious you like that person more than you are willing to admit

2. and 3. No need to explain....its physical contact combined with your excitement!

[Maple1714]

All cheating is hurtful. To me Cheating = lying. All lying is hurtful. You can cheat with drugs, your job, another person...etc...whatever it is that causes one person to hide things and lie to their chosen partner is cheating in my opinion, and ALL equally hurtful.

When our partner that we are in a monogamous relationship with cheats physically or emotionally with another person, it tends to hurt a great deal. I think it's b/c we wrap up so many aspect of our lives with another person when we are in a monogamous relatiosnhip; money, our home, possibly children, our extended family, sometimes our careers, our health, our sexual needs, our emotional needs...it's like we throw "all our eggs into one basket". In Monogamy, neither person is allowed to have the majority of their needs fulfilled by anyone else. So when one person cheats a.k.a. lies, it's like the whole world comes crashing down. Trust has been broken, and that is what is wrong about physical or emotional cheating.

To me, emotional cheating is a lot worse b/c if a man forms a close relatiosnhip with someone that means he must have put a lot of time into the other person. It takes a lot for a man to open his heart and mind up to another person, and that is what I find special about a male/female relationship; the emotional closeness. To me sex is emotional...it's the highest form of emotional expression btw. a man and a woman. It's how new life is created. Most men don't feel this way about sex, unless they are both emotionally and physically connected to a woman. Men need both pieces to be in love...women kind of already have both pieces wrapped up in their attraction in the first place; which is the reason I find women tend to fall in love quicker. If a man is emotionally attached to a woman...watch out b/c love might not be too far around the corner.

[polemikos]

All cheating is hurtful. To me Cheating = lying. All lying is hurtful. You can cheat with drugs, your job, another person...etc...whatever it is that causes one person to hide things and lie to their chosen partner is cheating in my opinion, and ALL equally hurtful.

Interesting point.

To me, emotional cheating is a lot worse b/c if a man forms a close relatiosnhip with someone that means he must have put a lot of time into the other person. It takes a lot for a man to open his heart and mind up to another person, and that is what I find special about a male/female relationship; the emotional closeness. To me sex is emotional...it's the highest form of emotional expression btw. a man and a woman. It's how new life is created. Most men don't feel this way about sex, unless they are both emotionally and physically connected to a woman. Men need both pieces to be in love...women kind of already have both pieces wrapped up in their attraction in the first place; which is the reason I find women tend to fall in love quicker. If a man is emotionally attached to a woman...watch out b/c love might not be too far around the corner.

I agree to the extent that emotional closeness I find far more intimate than simple coitus. Rutting in a hotel room with a near stranger, or coupling with someone that you will never see again will hardly share the same kind of vulnerability that you do when you have an emotional bond with someone and are thus, in my opinion, less meaningful. That said, I am not trying to downplay the significance of physical infidelity.

I think you are also correct when you say that men don't always feel that sex is the highest form of emotional expression. Sometimes a screw is just a screw. I can almost guarantee you that most men have had meaningless sex, sometimes even with inanimate objects...

[searock]

The more meaningless the cheating sex is, the more meaningless your relationship is to you. Don't you see the implication?

When you decide to have meaningless sex and by doing so to cheat on your partner, you are deciding that meaningless sex is more important to you than your relationship is.

[polemikos]

The more meaningless the cheating sex is, the more meaningless your relationship is to you. Don't you see the implication?

So if I'm going to have affairs they should be meaningful affairs, thus proving that I value my relationship. Got it.

No I'm only fooling with you, I never said that a physical affair was good, the question was which would be more damaging and more difficult to overcome for you personally.

[Maple1714]

The more meaningless the cheating sex is, the more meaningless your relationship is to you. Don't you see the implication?

When you decide to have meaningless sex and by doing so to cheat on your partner, you are deciding that meaningless sex is more important to you than your relationship is.

I see what you're saying. But, if you have a one-on-one dinner date with someone your attracted to and sharing your heart/mind with....how is that any less "worse"? Cheating is all the same...lying is all the same. People need to just be honest.

OP - you should have told your GF at the time about your attraction to tall/long legged women. You should have told her you needed to fill your ego's desire to have sex with this body type. Why not be honest? Were you afraid she would leave you? She left you anyway you see? You made a fool out of her by doing something behind her back. You disrespected the relationship by hiding your true desires. Maybe if you had included her she might have joined in? Or at least maybe f-ed you while you watched tall long legged women go by? You never know...

[searock]

No I'm only fooling with you, I never said that a physical affair was good, the question was which would be more damaging and more difficult to overcome for you personally.

I wouldn't overcome either of them... he has lied to me, I would never stay in a relationship with a liar.

Physical - he doesn't care about our relationship
Emotional - he doesn't value our relationship, is immature enough to fall into an emotional affair, doesn't have the guts to end our relationship

and in both cases there is betrayal and lying going on... both are deal breakers for me.

[searock]

I see what you're saying. But, if you have a one-on-one dinner date with someone your attracted to and sharing your heart/mind with....how is that any less "worse"? Cheating is all the same...lying is all the same. People need to just be honest.

I agree. I wasn't defending emotional cheating over physical cheating, I was just pointing out that it's silly to use the "meaningless" explanation as an excuse. The more meaningless it is, the less you care about your relationship.