So she's not a virgin anymore...

[pcmaster]

Just because I can't make the first move doesn't mean I must be alone and without any love...

Yes man it does mean that. The problem is deeper than that. You have to be more selfish. See all the guys who have GFs are selfish in some ways. Not 100% selfish but still they love themslfs too(not just their GF). You talk like if shes not loving you then no one does. What holds you back from loving yourself in first place? Show people example how to treat you. Sometimes if you want something you have to give it first. Like kissing the girl. This stupid thought - "what if she dont like it" pops in your mind which absolutly dont help. Thats what happens when you think all the time about girl when if you would be more selfish thought like " It doesnt matter if she dont like my kiss. I want it !" In the end of the day girls are so indecisive and if you like what you do they will like it too. They pretty much reflect your emotions. They will do anything if you make them feel that way. Girl is ussualy as much confident as you are. Unless you are 1d or Justin Beaber girls wont run after you and wont make first moves. And after all good woman dont give herself. You have to take it cause she knows shes worth it. If a girls is together with a real man she dont have to play man role.

Cause a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
And a real womn knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
And a real man just can't deny a womans worh.

(Alicia Keys)

[basilandthyme]

What I originally said was that "She just lost the guy who took her virginity. That's a big deal for a girl." I wasn't referring to losing her virginity. I was referring to "losing the guy who took her virginity." I think that is rather gender specific.

I don't recall my loss of virginity to my first boyfriend being an issue when the relationship ended. I'm pretty sure that it didn't even cross my mind.

Why do you think it would be a big deal?

[somethinglol]

Having sex is nothing like smoking, drinking and partying. A person can be shy and quiet and cute and serious, and still enjoy an amazing sex life. The two things are simply uncorrelated, at whatever age.

Well, usually the people who drink and shit lose their virginity earlier.

Do you realize how sexist that sounds? What do you mean, "another guy gets her"? He didn't "get" her, they had sex with each other. He didn't "f*ck" her, they had sex with each other. The fact that she had sex has nothing to do with what you have or don't have in your hands. Her having sex has NOT made her a different person - she is still very much the same person and nothing is stopping you from asking her out (unless she is this guy's boyfriend - and even then, it can't hurt to ask).

Imagine being a kids on 5th grade in school, and then you should move to the 8th grade. Could you carry on? No. You would be left behind, you couldn't reach their level. I mean, she left her boyfriend, because number of small things which didn't work out, so why would she be with me?

Also, you said "unless she is this guy's boyfriend"

What else do you mean, then? I assure you, the first time you have sex is pretty much always FAR from awesome . It takes practice to get it right.

I know, but it's still the first time. I'm sure more people remember their first time than their second or third.

Oh god... maybe because it is none of your business? Maybe because she knows that you would judge her for having sex and she can't be bothered with that sort of crap? Why do you even care?! It doesn't change anything.

Yeah, it isn't our business, but still being honest is a good thing. Yeah, it does change, I don't feel I'm even a bit on her level anymore (Like I've said), and it really feels shit to like someone so long, and see her growing up in front of your eyes and you're not even a small part of it.

[somethinglol]

Yes man it does mean that. The problem is deeper than that. You have to be more selfish. See all the guys who have GFs are selfish in some ways. Not 100% selfish but still they love themslfs too(not just their GF). You talk like if shes not loving you then no one does. What holds you back from loving yourself in first place? Show people example how to treat you. Sometimes if you want something you have to give it first. Like kissing the girl. This stupid thought - "what if she dont like it" pops in your mind which absolutly dont help. Thats what happens when you think all the time about girl when if you would be more selfish thought like " It doesnt matter if she dont like my kiss. I want it !" In the end of the day girls are so indecisive and if you like what you do they will like it too. They pretty much reflect your emotions. They will do anything if you make them feel that way. Girl is ussualy as much confident as you are. Unless you are 1d or Justin Beaber girls wont run after you and wont make first moves. And after all good woman dont give herself. You have to take it cause she knows shes worth it. If a girls is together with a real man she dont have to play man role.

Cause a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
And a real womn knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
And a real man just can't deny a womans worh.

(Alicia Keys)

Hmm, good point, I have never even thought it that way. That first one I mean, that I should think of myself too.

[somethinglol]

If anything, he should be glad he doesn't have to go through the annoying part of "am I hurting you, I don't know what to do, omggg" and can skip right to the good part, with a bit of guidance from her ;-).

I don't want to take any guidance from a girl. I mean, it would make me feel like an idiot. And I don't always want to feel like an idiot. A rookie. I actually believe I wouldn't even need any serious assistance though...

[somethinglol]

OP, you should break up with her and then seek out only absolutely pure virgins. Or invent a time machine and change her past. Or better yet, stop obsessing about virginity and accept her as she is. And if you ever date any other women, avoid asking them if they have had sex before, because you are unlikely to deal well with the truth.

Break up with her? I have never even been with her...

[searock]

I was referring to "losing the guy who took her virginity." I think that is rather gender specific.

Hm I don't think so - in my experience, it hasn't been so. Guys tend to get way more attached to the girl that "took their virginity", than vice versa (I realize that it's just my experience, I still don't think it's a gender thing). I think it simply depends on the importance every single individual gives to the whole "loss of virginity"/"sex for the first time" concept.

[searock]

Well, usually the people who drink and shit lose their virginity earlier.

Still, it is not her case: she is still the same serious, quiet, shy girl. She just had sex - it didn't change her lol. She's the same girl.

Imagine being a kids on 5th grade in school, and then you should move to the 8th grade. Could you carry on? No. You would be left behind, you couldn't reach their level. I mean, she left her boyfriend, because number of small things which didn't work out, so why would she be with me?

Why not? Just ask her out. It's not like she magically grew up 10 years - she had sex. It doesn't make her any different from who she was before.

Also, you said "unless she is this guy's boyfriend"

Typo :-).

I know, but it's still the first time. I'm sure more people remember their first time than their second or third.

To be honest, the only memories I have regarding my first time are awkwardness and pain, and the thought of "finally I'm getting this done! I can start having fun soon :-D". I don't remember it as anything particularly emotional or, worse, "amazing". I remember many other times I had amazing sex, and they were all distant (chronologically and qualitatively) from my first time. You are putting way too much importance on something that per se isn't really that important.

Yeah, it isn't our business, but still being honest is a good thing.

She was honest - it's true that it's none of your business. She doesn't owe you an answer.

Yeah, it does change, I don't feel I'm even a bit on her level anymore (Like I've said), and it really feels shit to like someone so long, and see her growing up in front of your eyes and you're not even a small part of it.

Again, having sex isn't some magic pill that makes you magically "grow up". She's still the same person. Ask her out and have her teach you a few tricks :-).

[searock]

I don't want to take any guidance from a girl.

Continue down this road, you'll be a pretty bad lover...

[dem862]

I don't recall my loss of virginity to my first boyfriend being an issue when the relationship ended. I'm pretty sure that it didn't even cross my mind.

Why do you think it would be a big deal?

In my experience, most women have poor memories as well.

I don't think it is a big deal. I said the "break-up" was a big deal. You women are so virgin-centric, you have completely mis-read what I wrote and substituted your own thoughts. Pffft.

[searock]

Virgin-centric? You were the one to say that the break-up with the guy that took her virginity was supposed to be a big deal to a (generic) girl... we are saying that whether it's a big deal or not to break up with the person you lost your virginity to is not gender-based. It depends on the individual.

We provided counter-examples to your theory:

it wasn't a big deal for me
it wasn't a big deal for basil
I've met more guys than girls for whom it was a big deal

...theory debunked :-). It may have been a big deal to this particular girl (the girl OP is obsessing about), but it's not a gender thing.

[somethinglol]

Continue down this road, you'll be a pretty bad lover...

Can be, but... Well, It's hard to explain. I guess my ego is too big for that...

[somethinglol]

As a small kind of an off topic, it's kinda funny how I think of this situation. If I start thinking this about her having sex with her ex-bf, it makes me hopeless, sad, depressed, disgusted, disappointed... But if I start thinking this about her being a single now, it suddenly makes me a bit more hopeful... Still, this shit sucks.

[searock]

If I start thinking this about her having sex with her ex-bf, it makes me hopeless, sad, depressed, disgusted, disappointed...

You are on your way to become a Creep. You know, those guys who place value on women depending on how many sexual partners they've had and whatnot. You should stop thinking that way right now. It's ok to be sad (if you wanted to be her "first" as much as you wanted her to be your "first"), but it's NOT ok to be "disgusted" and "disappointed" at her just because she did a perfectly normal, perfectly natural thing. Most people are going to have sex with different persons in their lives, it's just the way it is. And there's nothing wrong with it, nothing disgusting or disappointing about it. You talk of her having sex as if she had killed a puppy or something. She just had sex, it's no big deal - if anything, you should be glad in case you ever do get together, because she won't be afraid of feeling pain and all that. It will be less awkward than it would have been if you two had both been virgins. It's a good thing.

Just ask her out already.

[Boisdevie]

I lost my virginity a long time ago. Been looking for years but still not found it.