More than friends?

[whaywardj]

i'm not sure but it makes me wonder if she's already in a relationship - and she's using you as an escape....

Hm. Relate this remark to what you said in your other post, eloise. Recognize anyone?

[eloise]

yep!! been there, done that, in danger of getting the T shirt

[whaywardj]

Well. That being the case, why do you still have an impulse to fool around with the symptoms and not address the cause?

[eloise]

because i'm enjoying the symptoms too much... i love the tingles up my spine, getting turned on by his texts...

[Zeen]

Well...thanks everyone for input...

But now I know. The reply was that she only wanted to be friends... And apparently it's been like that for quite a while.

I've just been a fool.

A very sweet reply actually, but nonetheless - the most dreaded reply...

Would like to offer some thoughts to others questions as well, but right now I'm just gonna go drink myself into a stupor. Which I never do. But I this time I will...

[clynn]

I'm sooooo sorry to hear.

Darn-it!

Considering you'd had a relationship that was romantic, I actually don't think it was fair of her not to tell you that she wanted to be only friends. Whenever that changed for her, which it must have, somewhere along the way, she should have told you!!!

Arggghhhh!!!!! WHAT?!?!?!? you were just supposed to GUESS that it had changed!?!??!?!!?!??!

I'd be really MAD if I were you!?!?!?

Damn, damn, damn.

[Zeen]

Apparently, she doesn't want to lose contact, and said how much this friendship meant to her. She's a lovely girl, and absolutely stunning. I think I'll have a hard time trying to not fancy her anymore, as she's been quite sensitive, and hasn't really done anything wrong as such. Though I wish she'd told me earlier.

I've not been very good at staying friends with ex'es in the past, it's just to hurtful or awkward either way. But with this one, I think I just might be able to... though I fear I might not be able to ever give up my hopes as long as we stay in touch... One part of me thinks: Be mature about it - would be a shame to not stay friends, as I think we would be great friends too. Then another part of me feels that it's the old she wants her cake and eat it too. Friends or not? I'm not sure. Either way, it'll be hard...

[clynn]

Take your time with it I think for starters.

[Zeen]

Just worried that if I wait too long, I'll lose her totally, forever, even as a friend... as she's now offered her friendship...

[Chlorine]

Zeen----"One part of me thinks: Be mature about it - would be a shame to not stay friends, as I think we would be great friends too."

Sorry to hear that you got rejected. However, I do think that being her friend would be a good move on your part. Your description of her is positive, and she hasn't done anything hurtful to you, apart from saying "I'de like to be friends". That hurts because it isn't the answer you wanted, but really, in this life, how often do we get what we want?

You've put yourself out there, she knows how you feel, but just be mature about it and keep in touch. Even if she does start dating someone else, continue to be a friend. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. That's the selfish attitude we often adopt. It's like, "bah, you don't want to date me? Fine, be like that, I don't need you". And where does that leave us....with nothing and bitter feelings.

If she really is a nice person with a stunning personality, than be her friend. Who knows, you could have a friend for life :-D

[lilwing89]

Wow! It sounds like you really like her, and she really likes you, does she have a boyfriend?
Ask her if she likes you, and if she does, ask her out sometime. You prolly know her really well and thats great! So maybe you should take her to the movies or something.

If she don't like you, stay friends. Things could change, but she sounds like a great friend too. Don't lose her and Good Luck!!!

[Zeen]

Thanks for enlightning opinions... I tend to shy away if dumped, as it's often too darn hard to stay friends and see her/them love up someone else.

You guys and girls are enthusiastic people... I usually think of myself as fairly optimistic, but man - you make things not feel too bad. Thanks. I might have a better inkling on this now...

There is actually a VERY good chemistry there still, but not quite enough for a relationship apparently, but maybe that's quite worth keeping.

And she isn't really seeing anyone, she has a few things in her life she needs to sort out.

Will try to look on the bright side. Would raise a pint of beer, a glass of wine or whatever to say thanks for support. This place is great for that.

:-)

[Zeen]

Things never seem to happen on their own.

As I've now started to try and get to grips with not being able to go out with the girl I've fancied over the last couple of years, I've now received a letter from another girl who's a friend of a friend. We've met now and then over the last couple of years as well and got on really well as friends, and I suppose there was some chemistry floating in the air the last couple of times, though nothing happened at all as I've been only interested in the girl that I've talked about in the earlier posts, and that's been that.

This other girl has stated now that she's in love with me and wants to go out with me, and I think she's of the opinion that there was something going on. We did get on very well. But we didn't even hold hands or kiss or anything. Just talked a lot, and enjoyed each others company, without anything physical happening.

And there are other things on my mind. She's 9 years younger than I, but it doesn't seem like that when we're together. This is another reason why I totally dismissed the very idea when I learnt how much older I was. But I suppose we flirted quite a bit, as this was a time when I hadn't heard from girl 1 for eons and thought she'd forgotten about me... but I allowed nothing to happen.

Now, me ol' heart is puzzled. I still haven't really gotten over the first girl, as she just stated that she only wants to be friends. I'm not sure what I think of this other girl. I really like her, we get on well, and I do suppose I have to admit I like her than more as a friend. But this is where the confusion kicks in, as I'm sort of emotionally floating after the other day.

This other girl lives in another country, and we have quite a few things in common, among other things, she speaks my native language and loves the country. I currently live in a country that's not my own, and she lives in hers. When I think of her I feel both joy and guilt. Happy about the idea that someone (she) likes me like that, and guilt, because I'd be so much older, and because I'm not sure what I feel about all this now. It's all so sudden.

But she's very cute, lovely and the kind of person who's always there for you, and can be trusted 100%. If I went ahead with this, I'd feel like I betrayed the girl I've fancied for so long, though I know that's rubbish, as she's now not interested. Feeling bursts of warm feelings for this other girl , but not sure if I can trust my feelings at the moment. I'm meeting her in a couple of weeks, as we're friends as well. I'll have to deal with it then. I don't want to hurt her, - she's the most lovely person. And I like her as more than a friend, but I don't know if I quite fancy her as much as I should to go out with her, at least at the moment.

I've had long-distance relationships for the past 4-5 years, and getting a bit tired of not being close to the one I'm seeing. This would be a new long-distance one, but it would be great to go out with her as well... Feel like a cheater, though I know I'm not. And I've never been.

My head's a mess.

This was unexpected, but very nice, and confusing. My friends told me to go for it. I'm not sure. Also, I feel we never got time to know each other as well as I'd have liked to to go out with her. But that may change. Not sure whether I fancy her enough or not, my mind keeps going back and forth. And isn't it a bit early as well...? I wish I knew what I felt...

Aarghh...what's going on??? They're both in my head...

[Tone]

orz

You really do have a mess on your hands lol... first off stop feeling guilty or feeling anything about the girl that turned you down.. she had her chance, you made it perfectly clear, she choose to be friends. Don't let her affect what you do from now on.

The new girl sounds great... except just exactly HOW older are you than she? And ugh.. the long distance thing would drive me nuts.. I don't think I could go for that.. If I wanted to be serious with someone and they wanted to be serious with me, but we lived far apart - well I would move to where she was or see if she can move to where I am before ever pursuing anything... I HAVE to be able to hug and kiss and have that physical contact with a girl, you know what I mean? It would just drive me nuts... so if I was in your situation, personally, I would probably find someone closer >:[ (I know it's not what you want to hear) ; ;

[clynn]

Well, it certainly can't hurt to enjoy her company when she comes to the country and see where it all is at.

Just be honest with her.

I wouldn't worry about the age difference. 22/31 - yup its a difference for sure. But, so what?

Good luck!

Congratulations!

Can't wait to meet her (tee, hee)