A question for single ladies

[MaxHeadroom]

I was single. I avoided bars and clubs because I thought the man for me would not be there. I figured when the moment struck right, he'd just appear somehow. Yes, this was in hindsight slightly delusional. tee hee. I figured I'd meet him on the climbing bluffs or on that single track mnt bike trail in the woods. Maybe we'd smash into each other coming round some corner. Anything but a bar. Really didn't want a player and though I know it isn't fair to assume all bar goers are players, well, I have brothers, many are there to play.
So years past and I remained elusive and tucked away. Many tried to get me to go out to the bars but I refused. Then one fine day, a stranger came to my door and knocked.
We've been together ever since. I like to think it was the Universal pull that brought him to me that fateful day and I am very thankful for this.

To answer your question, when you see her, you will know. and it won't matter where you are. Just keep it real.

Great story! So, the guy just came to your door to ask you out or was he selling something?

[basilandthyme]

Women love dogs...haven't you been on this forum long enough to know that?

It was an epiphany to my house sitter - not to me ;-)

[4 ratties]

I'm not single but I have spent most of my life single so I think I can answer. It's all personal preference as your finding out. I wouldn't mind meeting a guy at a bar. It's more the drunk ness that's a turn off. If a guy was still with it and polite and approached me at a bar I don see anything wrong with tht. But if he's sloppy drunk and cussing and touchy with other girls, no way. I had a guy approach me at Walmart a couple months ago. He did comment on a shirt I was looking at and told me I was gorgeous. It was very flattering. I would of taken his number if I was single. I really like people I'm not a snob like the girls who would just turn their noises up at a strange guy. I obviously wouldn't meet him in a dark alley or anything.

[basilandthyme]

If your are willing to talk to a guy that approaches you when playing with your dog in a park, why not when you are reading a book in the same environment? If you wanted not to be disturbed, why are you reading the book in a public place in the first place? Public areas are filled with distractions and noise. Why not just read the book on your porch or something in that case?

Being in a public space does not mean that I necessarily want to talk. It's all about whether or not I'm appearing open to conversation. If I'm walking the dog and see you looking at him, I will smile and will probably initiate conversation. Conversely, if I've got my nose in a book and have not acknowledged your presence, it means that I don't want to talk to you. You wouldn't interrupt me if I was talking to someone else would you? It's no different to not interrupting my reading time.

Why not read on a porch? Some people live in apartments - or read in a park during their lunch break.

[basilandthyme]

Let me try something out on you ladies. Just last week I saw a girl shopping on her own looking at hotdogs and such. A part of me really want to go talk to her, but of course I didn't. I guess I could have said something like, "O'yea, I have had those before. They are really good." too whatever she is holding. Then say something like "So what is a good looking girl like you doing shopping all alone?". Would something like that be acceptable conversion opener, or does it sound too direct?

First line was good. Second line was ick....and what on earth is a girl supposed to respond to that anyway? I'm good with talking to strangers, but that comment would leave me lost for words (and not particularly wanting to find words)

I'd rather you follow up with something like "do you have a lot of shopping to do today?" or "are you shopping for anything in particular?" Show interest in ME - not my appearance.

[joanna1]

Hey there ladies!

I got a question for you single girls out there. Do you like it when single men approach you in the general public, like in a store or park, as apposed to a place like a bar or club? If so, would you be more willing to accept a date with a good guy in that environment instead of one where you know you are going to get hit on?

Just asking out of curiosity

I don't mind if they do, if they are considerate, funny, and polite about it. I don't think it is polite to be talking sexually to another you do not know, so that would turn me off right away. But casual chit chat, or a funny comment, or observation is fine by me. I've had guys talk to me at my work, in grocery stores, at book stores, waiting in line shopping etc. I always reply back and talk with whomever. If someone was high, drunk, sexist or obnoxious I would shut them down, or walk away though. Bars and clubs are too dark and loud to really talk and meet anyone for me. If someone is a bit more awkward about it, and not cocky that would be a plus to me.

[DalM0m]

I would keep talking to you about the food. The minute you mentioned my looks or that I was alone, I'd run. If you mentioned both, while I was running away from you, I'd be calling my BFF reporting what you look like & what I was wearing b/c the combo sounds stalkerish.

[MaxHeadroom]

Being in a public space does not mean that I necessarily want to talk. It's all about whether or not I'm appearing open to conversation. If I'm walking the dog and see you looking at him, I will smile and will probably initiate conversation. Conversely, if I've got my nose in a book and have not acknowledged your presence, it means that I don't want to talk to you. You wouldn't interrupt me if I was talking to someone else would you? It's no different to not interrupting my reading time.

Why not read on a porch? Some people live in apartments - or read in a park during their lunch break.

First line was good. Second line was ick....and what on earth is a girl supposed to respond to that anyway? I'm good with talking to strangers, but that comment would leave me lost for words (and not particularly wanting to find words)

I'd rather you follow up with something like "do you have a lot of shopping to do today?" or "are you shopping for anything in particular?" Show interest in ME - not my appearance.

I don't think most people would be upset if you approached them when reading a book or doing most any activity in public. After all, it is in public

Lol, ok. That last line you suggested would be ok if I worked at the store, lol. That second line I said was intended to make her say something that would help me to know if she was in a relationship or not. She could say something back like, "Well, my husband is at work so I am going at it alone today." Hopefully something like that to give me an idea.

[DalM0m]

You are correct. You do need to find out early on whether she is in a relationship but that's just too much. I can't give you a universal answer / line but would encourage you to keep talking to anybody who is engaging in a conversation with you. The info will flow more naturally.

[MaxHeadroom]

It does definitely looks like a split of opinions on my question. It sounds like most women would appreciate the attention and others would find it invasive. I guess I'll just have to try it out myself to see and hope I don't get tasered by someone like DalM0m

[DalM0m]

I wouldn't taser you; I just wouldn't talk to you. My point, is to be cautious & polite.

[MaxHeadroom]

Lol, I know. Just kidding, hence the smiley face

[basilandthyme]

I don't think most people would be upset if you approached them when reading a book or doing most any activity in public. After all, it is in public

If you know the answer, why are you asking opinions?

Lol, ok. That last line you suggested would be ok if I worked at the store, lol. That second line I said was intended to make her say something that would help me to know if she was in a relationship or not. She could say something back like, "Well, my husband is at work so I am going at it alone today." Hopefully something like that to give me an idea.

You could use the second line I gave even if you didn't work there. As for your 'beautiful girl' line - I understand your reasoning, but it's still a bloody awful line. I suggest you get talking with her first and get some type of rapport going before you worry about whether or not she's single. If you want to find out if she's single, ask what weekend plans she has. Or if it's holiday season, ask about vacation plans.

[Lilia]

Wow, that is quite a story! Another good example that the way the approach is done makes a difference as well as the location. I would like to hear the second story

Let me try something out on you ladies. Just last week I saw a girl shopping on her own looking at hotdogs and such. A part of me really want to go talk to her, but of course I didn't. I guess I could have said something like, "O'yea, I have had those before. They are really good." too whatever she is holding. Then say something like "So what is a good looking girl like you doing shopping all alone?". Would something like that be acceptable conversion opener, or does it sound too direct?

Well for me it would be too direct. Also it sounds a bit cliched and not very original. But it might work with another girl cos everybody is different. I think you could test the waters and warm her up a little by asking her to help you find something you were looking for in the store or ask her to help you choose something. And then you could say to her what you wanted to say at the beginning "So what is a good looking girl like you doing shopping all alone?" And I think you should just go and try it. Try whatever comes to your mind without even questioning it. If you like to be direct, be direct. May be it is your thing that will work.
The other story happened to me at the park last summer when I was riding my bike alone. The guy was on a bike too and he effortlessly started a conversation with me by asking if I knew if the water in the nearest lake was clean enough for swimming. And he kept riding his bike next to mine and was asking more questions which had to do with bikes. Just because we both were doing the same thing it created a certain bond between us. Then the conversation got warmer and more personal. He helped me to carry my bike when there was an obstacle. In the end he asked for my phone number and said he hoped to ride a bike again with me. So that was quite a subtle approach.
What never works with me is when a guy walks to me at a shop for example and says "Why are you so sad? You should smile cos I bet you've got a beautiful smile and BTW would you like to go to the cinema with me tonight?"
I don't know why it doesn't work but it just doesn't.

[MaxHeadroom]

You could use the second line I gave even if you didn't work there. As for your 'beautiful girl' line - I understand your reasoning, but it's still a bloody awful line. I suggest you get talking with her first and get some type of rapport going before you worry about whether or not she's single. If you want to find out if she's single, ask what weekend plans she has. Or if it's holiday season, ask about vacation plans.

You're probably right. Thanks.

Well for me it would be too direct. Also it sounds a bit cliched and not very original. But it might work with another girl cos everybody is different. I think you could test the waters and warm her up a little by asking her to help you find something you were looking for in the store or ask her to help you choose something. And then you could say to her what you wanted to say at the beginning "So what is a good looking girl like you doing shopping all alone?" And I think you should just go and try it. Try whatever comes to your mind without even questioning it. If you like to be direct, be direct. May be it is your thing that will work.
The other story happened to me at the park last summer when I was riding my bike alone. The guy was on a bike too and he effortlessly started a conversation with me by asking if I knew if the water in the nearest lake was clean enough for swimming. And he kept riding his bike next to mine and was asking more questions which had to do with bikes. Just because we both were doing the same thing it created a certain bond between us. Then the conversation got warmer and more personal. He helped me to carry my bike when there was an obstacle. In the end he asked for my phone number and said he hoped to ride a bike again with me. So that was quite a subtle approach.
What never works with me is when a guy walks to me at a shop for example and says "Why are you so sad? You should smile cos I bet you've got a beautiful smile and BTW would you like to go to the cinema with me tonight?"
I don't know why it doesn't work but it just doesn't.

Good advice and story! I guess what it bares down to is that, like you said, everyone is different. Like what was said on my other thread by someone, dating is a numbers game and that is the reason why it is.

Since I am such a newbie at this dating thing, all this feedback is great and helpful! I really appropriate all of it thus far