Ended with a GREAT girl on Valentines Day. Was I wrong?

[AnErin]

Just give it another 10 years when you find out that NO ONE wants anything serious.

[dk1ace]

Just give it another 10 years when you find out that NO ONE wants anything serious.

Definitely not helpful and understanding of where Im coming from.

But thanks for reading nevertheless

[HeartIsAching]

It sounds to me as if you have a very very common misconception:

That "The One" will give you that 'butterflies-in-the-stomach' feeling always and forever... Sad news bro', they won't. That particular set of feelings isn't love, it's infatuation, and it ALWAYS fades. Love is deeper but less intense - and far less transient. Love isn't about you, but about the person you love. Love means that their happiness is at LEAST as important to you as yours, so much so that if they need to leave to be happy, it'll break your heart to do it, but you'll let them have what they need.

This bears repeating: Love isn't about you, it's about them. I don't talk about myself much, but I talk about my wife incessantly, both in real life and on here, much the annoyance of others... and I don't care. She's the single most important person in my life. She's my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my fantasy girl, my mate... my partner.

Were you or anyone to hurt her, or even threaten to hurt her, I'd take your life... cheerfully, consequences be damned.

Real love isn't about you. Hollywood has poisoned the last couple of generations, damn their black souls.

[searock]

Hollywood has poisoned the last couple of generations, damn their black souls.

Hey, not all of us! u_u

[HeartIsAching]

True... not everybody, though some of us took a long time to get to that maturity and insight.

[dk1ace]

It sounds to me as if you have a very very common misconception:

That "The One" will give you that 'butterflies-in-the-stomach' feeling always and forever... Sad news bro', they won't. That particular set of feelings isn't love, it's infatuation, and it ALWAYS fades. Love is deeper but less intense - and far less transient. Love isn't about you, but about the person you love. Love means that their happiness is at LEAST as important to you as yours, so much so that if they need to leave to be happy, it'll break your heart to do it, but you'll let them have what they need.

This bears repeating: Love isn't about you, it's about them. I don't talk about myself much, but I talk about my wife incessantly, both in real life and on here, much the annoyance of others... and I don't care. She's the single most important person in my life. She's my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my fantasy girl, my mate... my partner.

Were you or anyone to hurt her, or even threaten to hurt her, I'd take your life... cheerfully, consequences be damned.

Real love isn't about you. Hollywood has poisoned the last couple of generations, damn their black souls.

Thanks. I understand where you are coming from. Yes she gave me the "butterflies in my stomach" feeling for the first time since I ever felt is as a kid.

She says I make her happy. And that she'll be happy with me. I do want her to be happy but she won't be happy if I don't feel confident about our partnership while with her right?

You love your wife but if she brings you to a bad place without an effort of solving the problem, isn't that going to effect the relationship you have with her?
Isn't that unhealthy if she isn't giving you that same love and support that you are giving her?
It's a two way street.

My thing is I just need to know if her and I are together that it's the same thing. I'll strive to make sure she is happy but if it's at the expense of sacrificing my happiness then I'll just let her go and be happy in her finding someone who also feels happy with her. And my happiness is knowing that she is ALSO going to give me the support I need, which is communication.

There is no way IMO that your wife can be considered your best friend if you're not confident that when a problem comes up, you know you two are going to give equal effort in making it work as oppose to playing the "I'm going to win this fight this time" kind of argument.

That's what I need.

[searock]

Her personality makes her a 10 but while being sexually active her personality isn't in play and I see the 6.

This is baffling to me. Personality is what turns me on (or off) the most.

[dk1ace]

This is baffling to me. Personality is what turns me on (or off) the most.

Yes though you said it turns "you" on or off the most, I at the same time am taking this situation as an opportunity to take another look at my priorities

[searock]

Don't see the connection with what I said. Anyway yeah, we're probably just different in that regard, I don't understand it but it's ok.

[Wakeup]

Just one thing to say from me: In future, before you get a chick all attached and fawning over you, why don't you make sure she lives up to your "ideal" first, maybe someone you meet in a gym for instance that is already got that covered. That way you won't "hurt so bad" when you dump a perfectly fine young lady who just didn't measure up. Maybe you won't even have to dump her at all if she actually "measures up?"

Now, before you get all offended, I don't fault you for not staying with her, there is enough divorce in this world, enough infidelity from people who marry because "she's good to me" while they screw the (in this case) gym rat so good for you for not falling into that category. I just fault you for getting your needs met with a girl (there's always a girl that will) that fools herself into thinking she just wants to **** you and wants nothing else from you.

Adding:

Even tho I don't discriminate and am open to all types, I feel strong about my Latin culture. She's Jewish.

Maybe you should stick to being casual with Latinos so that when she fools herself into thinking she just wants to do you and you by chance fall for her, you'll be checking off another one of your Ideals.

[KingZ]

This guy is almost 30 and talking about an "ideal" girl. He's basically taking all of their traits, summing it up to a number, and trying to decide if he could ditch this one and get a higher number.

Why haven't we denounced him as an asshole and moved on yet?

[dk1ace]

Don't see the connection with what I said. Anyway yeah, we're probably just different in that regard, I don't understand it but it's ok.

I meant that yes we are different. That's you. That's what does it for you.

And since looking into myself a bit more, trying to find clarity, I had to re-look at my priorities in life since that night. And right now they are looking a bit different than they were say last week.

Thats all

[searock]

Yeah, I didn't see the connection in the second part of the post (the thing about your priorities and all that). I get it, you aren't turned on or off by a person's intelligence and personality. I don't understand it but to each their own.

[dk1ace]

Just one thing to say from me: In future, before you get a chick all attached and fawning over you, why don't you make sure she lives up to your "ideal" first, maybe someone you meet in a gym for instance that is already got that covered. That way you won't "hurt so bad" when you dump a perfectly fine young lady who just didn't measure up. Maybe you won't even have to dump her at all if she actually "measures up?"

Now, before you get all offended, I don't fault you for not staying with her, there is enough divorce in this world, enough infidelity from people who marry because "she's good to me" while they screw the (in this case) gym rat so good for you for not falling into that category. I just fault you for getting your needs met with a girl (there's always a girl that will) that fools herself into thinking she just wants to **** you and wants nothing else from you.

Adding: Maybe you should stick to being casual with Latinos so that when she fools herself into thinking she just wants to do you and you by chance fall for her, you'll be checking off another one of your Ideals.

You are right about starting at the gym. That all makes sense.

I don't write off anyone. I just put out that I always thought I would end up with this one type of girl but always told myself I did not want to limit what kind of girls I dated. Why not date people outside my box? I can learn a lot and she did teach me a lot so far. I just never took into consideration that emotions and feelings would be involved. I'm learning this now.

This situation is just helping me grow guys. Sorry if some people feel I get offended but I'm just trying to find myself in this. So far a lot of this is helping so thanks.

Whether her and I become a couple or not at least I learned to keep all options open.

Sex is a driving force I understand. What you said about people marrying because "shes good to me" and screw other people sounds on point.

At a point yesterday I felt like I could overlook that and value a girl who would support me through ups and downs, do everything in her power to make me happy OVER getting a good orgasm.

Things for me to think about

[KingZ]

Yeah, I didn't see the connection in the second part of the post (the thing about your priorities and all that). I get it, you aren't turned on or off by a person's intelligence and personality. I don't understand it but to each their own.

You don't understand it because he's clearly full of shit.