Ladies I need your advice badly!!!

[Anniestarr]

Along with her grieving, her hormones are probably going crazy and she is probably experiencing some post partum depression. Her OB/GYN can help with that. The longer she goes with out professional help the worse it will get.

[confusedguy1012]

She won't get precessional help though that's the issue she won't do anything I talked to a therapist and he said try to get her to take depression meds but she's barely eating so that's a wash I'm convinced she's hopeless to help

[basilandthyme]

I'm glad you looked for professional help. I guess you just might have to let her bottom out before she decides to seek help.

[confusedguy1012]

Guys you really have helped but I just don't think I can watch her do this to herself so I'm going to leave her... I mean she's hopeless right?

[CarlaW]

It's so difficult not knowing any details. I will assume it was a miscarriage. She is feeling so much. Guilt may be a part. Are you certain she wanted this baby? Did she have doubts perhaps guilt in NOT wanting it and now feels this is to blame? She needs time. I'm new on here so I don't see an age. Just give her time. Try not to rush back into sex again. And use condoms. Tell her that it's too soon to try again. Her body needs to heal. She feels ugly. Let her speak. If she's not ready to talk about her feelings then just assure her that anytime any day you WILL be there for her. AND as another mentioned before me, she may not be able to express her thoughts to words. Give her time. AND be there for her. It's important you feel the loss too.

[confusedguy1012]

I feel like I did give details but I don't know if I mentioned she went into labor and it was to early foot the baby to make it so I'm sure that's a huge factor and we both wanted it her a little more than me she was the one who decided we should start trying for kids the hardest part is watching her do this to herself and me having to be strong for her and not greive over the loss of the baby so she can I don't know I'm just ready to give up on her all together I want to leave but something just won't let me and as far as sex and trying go honestly neither of us are in the right frame of mind for that I will always listen to her no matter what and she knows that we've been through so much this year alone I know she knows we can talk she's just not ready for life yet

[sexloveexpert]

professional help is the batter idea.. i admit it ...

[sowmia]

Confusedguy1012 I'm sorry but I wanted to smack you in the face for this sentence -> "I just don't think I can watch her do this to herself so I'm going to leave her... I mean she's hopeless right?"

What is wrong with you! She just lost her baby! Do you have any idea how that feels for a woman? Do you have any idea what it feels like to nurse and slowly nurture something INSIDE you for several months, only to find out that it did not survive? She went into labor early. Its very obvious she is now blaming herself for it.

Please just sit with her in silence. Let her grieve. Offer your shoulder to her to lean on when she is crying (Don't force it, offer). Tell her it will all be ok. Tell her it is not her fault. Just please, understand the hell she is in right now, and get her out of it, don't make it worse

[confusedguy1012]

Confusedguy1012 I'm sorry but I wanted to smack you in the face for this sentence -> "I just don't think I can watch her do this to herself so I'm going to leave her... I mean she's hopeless right?"

What is wrong with you! She just lost her baby! Do you have any idea how that feels for a woman? Do you have any idea what it feels like to nurse and slowly nurture something INSIDE you for several months, only to find out that it did not survive? She went into labor early. Its very obvious she is now blaming herself for it.

Please just sit with her in silence. Let her grieve. Offer your shoulder to her to lean on when she is crying (Don't force it, offer). Tell her it will all be ok. Tell her it is not her fault. Just please, understand the hell she is in right now, and get her out of it, don't make it worse

Obviously no I don't know what that feels like, and I don't get why she would be blaming herself she was so careful during this pregnancy. Anyway your right leaving her would be selfish and it would make everything worse, but I have been very supportive so even though im kind of an ass for thinking about leaving her I will support her.

[basilandthyme]

Blaming herself? Grief doesn't always follow logical paths.

Thinking further about her not wanting antidepressants as suggested by the counsellor....I think it's probably a good thing that she doesn't. While I'm certainly not a professional mental health practitioner, I would think it unwise to stop her grieving process. I suspect she'll just have to work through it at her own pace.

Have you researched ways to support a person who is grieving? There's lots out there, but this seems like a good start http://www.helpguide.org/mental/helping_grieving.htm

[confusedguy1012]

Basil that article was very helpful thank you but why would it be bad to stop her grieving I think bringing her back to life would be great id have the girlfriend that I use to know back not this piece of work

[basilandthyme]

If you stop emotions from running their course, it prevents one from fully working through the feelings.

[confusedguy1012]

You guys are smart haha thanks for all the advice well see if I can get her out of this depression :-( I want my girl back

[basilandthyme]

Mate, you can't get her out of this depression. Don't even try! This is a journey which she needs to travel at her own pace.

[michelle23]

I cant believe you would even contemplate leaving her. I hope thats the grief talking and not you. When my aunt died it really messed me up. I was like a zombie for the first 6months and it took at least two years to "get his girl back" and even now I still go through phases of depression but never did he give up on me. If you and she are going to last then you have to be prepared to be there through all the good and bad times. Life is never full of roses. Shit happens all the time. Being a couple isnt just about the laughs and the sex.. its about support and being strong for each other even when you feel like giving up. Shes not going to get over this in a few short weeks. Shell probably never fully get over it but she will learn to live with it in time.

And you are allowed to grieve too. Being strong doesnt mean you cannot be upset or cry for the loss too. Being strong just means that you are there for her but you can also deal with the pain in your own way too.