ugh how can i let go of my b/f's past?!

[Tone]

Wow if anyone here should have a problem it should be him.

You got a lot of nerve girl... this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Grow up. You broke up, you BOTH had sex with someone, the difference - his was some girl he never knew - yours was with a FRIEND who you are STILL friends with?

You're foolish for being the one upset at the situation.

[alicia2601]

i started therapy/counseling today for all this and some jealousy issues, which fall into the same category as this...but yea thanks for all the posts!

[updraft]

you already know that you're insecure about things, so THIS is something that you need to fix. by not bring up the past, you'll learn to forget about it and move on with your life.
raverboy

This advice of yours is about as useful of a truckload of dung beetles.

[updraft]

he didnt care a thing for the girl, he barely knew her, although they work at the same workplace.

Ok that can be annoying. No wonder you feel ackward about this. The fact she lives across the street *and* works where he works is painful. I understand why you would feel upset and unable to move forward, however Ellyn makes some wonderful points in her previous post.....and if you want this relationship to work, you need to let go of the past, as hard as that may be and know that he is in your bed at night not anyone else's!!!

Good luck!

[lilwing89]

talk to your counselor about it..im sure they will help you out.

[Kazan]

i'm headin to counseling on Wednesday for the first time and I can't wait!! I seriously cannot eat or sleep, constantly thinkin about what happened when him and I were split up....we both had a sexual encounter w/ one other person, so this sounds pretty hypocritical of me..however he's let everything go, i can't. I think about what they could did in details, everything. He regrets it and he doesn't think about it, he said she was just an object to him, used her...but she lives right across the street from our apt complex which is where everything happened. And she works at the same place he does, just different dept.

I know he loves me, and know for sure that he wants to be w/ me, we're wanting to be engaged soon. Maybe it just took everything that happened during those 2 mts for him to realize that i am who he wants.

I really need some advice here, Wednesday is still 3 days away

hmm how to explain it easily....

Your brain and "heart" think seperatly.By that i mean,In your heat you know he wants you and only you,But in your heart you still have the concern "Is it going to happen again etc".I had a simular problem..but i had already married her.She cheated on me,and it was more than once,but in my head i told myself it won't happen again,and in my heart i almost knew it would.I finally took it upon myself to sit and talk with her until i know both in my head and heart it wouldn't happen again.One needs comfort to believe,and one also needs the trust of the other to feel comfortable with the past.I suggest you both sit down and you let him know how you feel,and ask him his opinion on what you should do to let it go.His attitude about the situation will tell you all you need to know.

[Only-virgins]

Your brain and "heart" think seperatly.By that i mean,In your heat you know he wants you and only you,But in your heart you still have the concern "Is it going to happen again etc".I had a simular problem..but i had already married her.She cheated on me,and it was more than once,but in my head i told myself it won't happen again,and in my heart i almost knew it would.I finally took it upon myself to sit and talk with her until i know both in my head and heart it wouldn't happen again.One needs comfort to believe,and one also needs the trust of the other to feel comfortable with the past.I suggest you both sit down and you let him know how you feel,and ask him his opinion on what you should do to let it go.His attitude about the situation will tell you all you need to know.

Thats true and your right....assuming that the reason you hate her/his past is because deep down you fear of her cheating. Some people have much different reasons then that and sometimes they are much more complicated.

[alicia2601]

we've sat down and talked about it on a number of different occasions...he said he couldn't really explain how he let it go b/c he's never had probs lettin go of the past. His attitude told me plenty...that he has let go of the past and wants to be w/ me...but its like updraft said...its really weird that she lives just right across the street AND works at the same place as he does...and the reason its so weird to me is i wonder if he thinks about it more often then compared to if we didnt live near her or if he didnt work at the same place as her...

[Tone]

Bullshit.

It's even more "weird" that the guy you slept with was and still is your FRIEND who you actually hang out with.

This is retarded. Stop playing innocent. You BOTH slept with people.

[Only-virgins]

Bullshit.

It's even more "weird" that the guy you slept with was and still is your FRIEND who you actually hang out with.

This is retarded. Stop playing innocent. You BOTH slept with people.

Ill vote on this as well.

[alicia2601]

kk Tone, i didnt come here lookin for a self-esteem boast which your gratefully handing out...i came here for advice....not playin innocent by any means...you can take it or leave it for whats it worth...you'll more then likely leave it b/c you dont know me...

but if you havent already figured it out...while i do appreciate your honesty *which is an understatement in this case*, i dont by any means appreciate your rudeness..i mean do you do this in everyone's thread? they seek advice from ppl, being completely honest w/ whats goin on in their lives, and your response is "bullshit"? Or am i just the lucky one b/c i'm a lying piece of shit who's playin "innocent"?

well thanks for your time!

[Kazan]

hmm..guess it's just really diffrent for me then..i can let go of things and be done with them in such cases.however...as my thread shows..i have trouble with letting go of other things...

[alicia2601]

well everyone's different...

[Kazan]

Chin up smile and be happy...atleast you have someone

[Tone]

Sure, you're right.

I won't say what I feel and spare your feelings by just telling you what you want to hear, which obviously isn't anything remotely close to you possibly being in the wrong here.

"Alicia, omg that is SO crazy that he works with her and lives across the street! I see exactly why you are bothered, I would be too!"

That more what you want to hear?

Sorry to offend you by being "rude", but sometimes you have to get a lil rough with people in order for them to hear you, otherwise they skip right over your post and go on to the next one that says whatever it is they want to hear.

I honestly think if you sat down and thought a little more serious about it, you'd realize it is a little silly for YOU to be the one bothered by this.

You slept with someone.
He slept with someone.

You slept with someone you KNOW and hang out with.
He slept with someone he doesn't know and doesn't hang out with.

You still have contact with who you slept with.
He has no contact with who he slept with.

I think the mere fact that he's got over it, makes you turn into a, forgive me, "spoiled brat". It's just silly that you let this thing bother you this much. It's like if I went off and ate shh!'s favorite sandwich she made for herself, and while I was out doing that she takes a bite out of the sandwich I got from McDonalds... when we tell each other about it I throw a fit and bring it up over and over to her that she took a bite out my sandwich, completely ignoring the fact I ate her entire sandwich.

Or something.