I feel like a Jerk

[Mish]

Hmmmm. Tough one.

How about talking to her about it? It may make for an awkward conversation, but at least you guys will be on the same level. You never know, she might feel the same way as you do (I.e. not looking for a relationship, but keep the friendship or more). That way you have a chance of levelling with her on the spot and take the appropriate course of action.

As far as ignoring her or her phone calls goes, i don't know. It may send her the wrong message, like you maybe upset with her over some issue or trying to break the friendship for some unexplained reasons (that may lead to grudges and miscommunication.) I think honest and open approach works best most of the time!

Hope above helps!!!

"I mean, wouldn't it be easier just to head out to a bar for a night and have a one night stand?" by clynn

I never got my head around this whole one night stand thing (I.e. with someone you only know for less than a day). Does anyone who does one night stands have wierd thoughts after that like "Did i just end up using her?", or "did she just end up using me?" or "Am i suppose to call her?", "Did she like me?", "Did i like her?", "Should i or her be expected to continue contact after that?", "Why do i feel guilty?" etc...

[clynn]

Of course you have those thoughts with one night stands. But at least it doesn't ruin a friendship. And, truthfully, I think that in a circumstance like that...both people are pretty much going in with low expectations. If not, they're fooling themselves. If something were to develop physically between the original poster and his friend who is a girl, then I think it would be a case of him fooling her....

Anyhow, to the original poster: I'm not too sure you need to come right out and say anything. Be honest, do you want to even be spending as much time with her as you currently are, even as just a friend? You said yourself that you suspect you are doing it to get into her pants....and so if you took that out of it, would you be itnerested in having a friendship in which you see each other regularly??? Which, by the way, I always wonder about anyhow with men and women. While I do believe that men and women can just be friends, .... I think that if you are both single and one has more feelings than the other........then being just friends may be difficult.....and if she hasn't come right out and professed her affection for you, you may not want to make the situation uncomfortable by bringing it up...it may even sound presumtuous....

[Mish]

Hi Clynn

"and if she hasn't come right out and professed her affection for you, you may not want to make the situation uncomfortable by bringing it up.."

I disagree with you on this. Especially because she hasn't come right out and said it is why he should discuss this with her. I think it is unfair for her to just all of a sudden find herself ignored with no reason and no explanation (As i understand ignoring bit is what is being recommended here). She deserves at least an explanation. I mean a lot is being taken into assumption. We are assuming she wants to pursue a relationship with Goo10Tag. We are assuming that she will feel better being ignored with no explanation than having her own say in the situation. We are assuming that she is not one of those people who is okay with casual flings (I have met a lot of girls who are frightengly OKAY with it - My ex for example, <exploit deleted>). We are assuming that her being in the dark and not knowing anything is the RIGHT answer that will solve everything.

I think it is not only POSSIBLE for a guy to be friends with a girl it is also a very REAL setup being followed by many people. I have been friends with many girls over the years (Even at times when both were single) with whom i never envisioned being anything more than friends (I still have many friends who happen to be girls, who are nothing more than just that). I am also friends with many guys - I hope according to clynn that doesn't automatically make me gay.

I guess, the final say is after Goo10Tag who is going to make the decision. I hope though decision you make is the most beneficial one for both you and your friend.

I agree it will make for a very very very awkward conversation, but consider the benefits. a. She finds out the truth and is not left in the dark about any UNKNOWN intentions - she gets to see the transparency and the real issue b. If she turns away, you don't have to ignore her and come up with some lame excuses for doing so. c. You are being opened and honest with your feelings - self actualisation begins in this way (That's a big plus in my books). d. There is a slight posibillity she might be okay with it (I hope i don't get flamed for that lol). On the down side though, yes there is a precedent that she will get hurt hearing what you have to say (If you come off as all you ever wanted was JUST that and her friendship was of no value to you) and it is possible for you to loose reputation if she likes to talk. So it's up to you in the end...

"Of course you have those thoughts with one night stands. But at least it doesn't ruin a friendship. " by clynn

I was refering in general and not in association with this current point of debate. I just wanted to find out other people's opinions on this subject. Do you just go in with nothing more than self satisfaction in mind with no consideration for the other person? Or do people actually do it for other reasons (Such as closure and belonging - or is it all ego?)

[clynn]

Hmm, Yeah, I'm really not certain about anything, what can I say?

Sure, I'm friends with lots of guys too.

[Goo10Tag]

UPDATE:

I've not spoken to her on a regular basis in days. In fact it has been about 3 days or so since I've even talked to her online. I guess she is taking my hints that I am not the one for her. I'm not doing this to her to be cruel, but I believe it to be the most discrete way to show I'm not interested. She needs someone that cares for her..and it's not me. Maybe we can be friends though like most have you had said...but I doubt it.