Basically what my screen name is IS my trouble.

[lovebroken]

Maybe her family having all that money and prestige with their jobs swayed him from wanting a certain look of babies with a partner and how that partner needed to look? Money took priority for him over who he was attracted to and had nothing to do with you. Lots of guys think girls opposite of their look are more exotic too, and somewhat of a head turner.

It is hard to know why anyone does the opposite of what they claim is their truth. You'll go crazy trying to understand this man, so please stop trying. His day of reckoning will come to him.

[Hooo!]

No. I mean you thought the person was him but it wasn't

Have you read Harry Potter?
It's like Snape. You think you know him

You don't. The person you thought he was didn't exist. In truth he was a totally different person. The person you thought he was just was that in your head.

The person you knew could just as well have a different name in reality

[Hooo!]

It's like watching a series on tv. You think you know the person.
But you forget he's just an actor. In private he could be totally different
The erson doesn't exist outside the series. They are not real. It doesn't matter how much they try to make you believe otherwise. Or maybe you deluded yourself.

The way to go next time is to check wether people are who they present to be or wether they pretend instead.
Also to check wether your images of them ( who you think they are) is in line with how they act ( not so much what they say)

[CantMoveOn]

[MENTION=77017]lovebroken[/MENTION]. I believe so too. He always said he wanted to have a million in his bank account by age 50, who thinks and says that? Buying a close to 800, 000 home won't help that bank account, nor will trips around the world 5 times a year. But, hey, he spent **** all on me in almost ten years so guess I helped his cause and bank account that way. Thank you.

[MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION]. I agree with you when you put it that way. Yes. But why does a man carry on acting one way for ten years if NOT who he really is? Was he just mimicking how I was? Thinking to be compatible to me he can't be how he really is on a visible level? He was acting the whole time, the great pretender. Thank you.

[Hooo!]

You can only assume reasons except if he would tell you- which you cannot believe anyways

[TheEvilJester]

I actually really like how Hooo put it. Thanks for that, Hooo. I think it is just like watching an actor on TV/in a movie. It's just that this was real life so, rightfully so, you assumed you were with a real person not an actor. Turns out he was nothing more than an actor the whole time, PRETENDING to be a good guy. He's probably doing the same thing to this other gal, pretending to be exactly what she wants until he gets what he wants. But, really, that doesn't matter. At least it shouldn't to you because all that matters is what he did to you proves he doesn't deserve you and never did.

You will get through this. I know it doesn't feel that way now, but you will. Not to mention, soon enough you will meet somebody who will make you realize you DO deserve a good guy. I hope that happens for you very soon. Good luck.

[CantMoveOn]

Thanks again, Hooo! and TheEvilJester.

I laughed at that comment, Hooo! because it is extremely true.

I don't think he does the same to her, because SHE met his sister, mom, family, most friends. I did not and we were engaged and I moved there from Canada. Secondly, he married her after only one year engaged. I got played and used, she got respected. That hurts more because he was capable of respect just not for me

[Hooo!]

If someone is capable of doing that he is not capable of real respect.
It's just that he is getting more out of her.
And that is not a compliment to her
Actually you can pity the girl.

You can be so glad that this belongs to the past for you. Imagine being in her shoes instead. How horrible would that be really being with someone like that.

[lovebroken]

He is probably in Prince Charming mode with her and her family/friends still. Don't worry he has proven to you he cannot maintain the facade, so - it will break soon. Can I ask why you didn't take the ring with you and why you left it behind? If you had taken it since it was given to you, and then he couldn't have gifted to another girl right after you. Do you have any pics to show it is same ring, or saw receipt to give details on it to another if you decide confront?

[TheEvilJester]

He is probably in Prince Charming mode with her and her family/friends still. Don't worry he has proven to you he cannot maintain the facade, so - it will break soon.

100% agreed. People like that so very rarely actually change, and it sure as HELL doesn't happen that quickly. So, he's NOT capable of respecting her.... he's just presently getting what he wants out of her so he's keeping up the facade. And, again, even if we pretended for a second he WAS showing true and sincere respect to her.... you are focusing on the wrong fact here. The important thing is not that he shows her respect where he didn't you. The important fact is simply that he didn't show you respect. Doesn't matter if he does to somebody else or is equally disrespectful to somebody else. He never deserved you, and he doesn't deserve this new gal either. Karma is a b*tch and eventually it will destroy him. But, you needn't even concern yourself with that. Instead, let your eventual better life be its own reward.

[CantMoveOn]

I'll answer lovebroken's questions firstly.

I left the ring because it is just how I was raised and how I am as a person. I felt it was wrong to take it with me when I went back home and felt if he truly loved me he would one day return it to its rightful place ( recall at point of leaving I didn't know all I know now) At one point it was discussed and agreed upon that he DOES NOT give same ring to another woman he is with, that ring if not returned back in love to me will go to his sisters daughter or son, maybe his younger brother etc. I don't have anything other than knowing where he ordered it from Blue Nile Au and was sent to his work address not his dump apt.

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[MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION]. Her family is richer more bragging rights over mine, and she will supply him with all the cash he needs, blow him, cook/clean and look other way when he cheats and he has or soon will, after that year wedded he will be looking for side action. She won't be enough or attractive enough for him. Won't leave her though because he said only wants to marry once. I heard she sold her relatively new car when his old handed down car died, and got a new one that probably only HE is allowed to drive but told me he didn't have a car when we were talking even though she bought him new car six months prior. All he cares of is money and status. Never wanted true love or felt true love. Everything and everyone was just an opportunity and stepping stone on his road to success.

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[MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION]. Yes, very true. How did he maintain so long with me, and why so long? Why pull me to Au, propose, buy ring, and have me plan a wedding to do nothing with me? Thinking now, it was like I am a cat, and he is a dog and he never liked cats, but pretended until a more usable dog came along and then put the cat in a sack and drowned it so he could never come home again. I honestly feel he kept me around long enough that I wouldn't tell his truth, out of love and then he threw me away knowing too much time passed and no one would believe me

[Hooo!]

Yes and that is exactly why you can be very very glad and content that you are out of his life.
Not all persons are like this. If you can love especially when you have trusted where you should have paid more attention, then you will know that he has no more power over your life

And that is also the reason why you can and should pitty the unhappy person he is with now.

[TheEvilJester]

I understand how you feel. I think you are getting there, though. The more and more you've posted, the more and more I feel like you are getting to the point you need to get to now. Which is that you are getting more and more on the side of thinking he was a scumbag and he didn't deserve you.

How could he do that for so long? Because he's a scumbag, plain and simple. You didn't deserve that treatment. Nobody does. But... he's already wasted enough of your time. So, time to get angry, rather than sad. Get yourself in the "F*** HIM!!!" kind of mindset. Pardon my censored French, by the way. LOL! But, seriously, that is the attitude you need to adopt. Anger, hatred, they can be lovely and wonderful tools. Very empowering.... but like I said, just don't dwell in them for too long. Use them as a tool to help you move on.... and then let them go.

You'll find somebody eventually. For now, just re-learn how to be happy just within yourself. You've been venturing around in other threads lately, even the off topic stuff. We've been getting to know you a little better and I, for one, have really enjoyed that. You're fun. Heck, if you were near me, I'd want you to join my board game group (if you were interested, of course) because you seem like you'd be good peeps and have good fun with us. Believe me, you'll find a guy some day. A good guy, this time. A REAL good guy, not just one who pretends to be a good guy.

Not this guy, either. Believe me, he's NOT the "Good Guy" he pretends to be either....



LOL! Sorry. Couldn't help myself. But, seriously... you will find somebody. Don't let this jerk ruin your belief in true love. He's already hurt you enough. He doesn't deserve the power to hurt you any more. And perhaps more importantly... you deserve to be happy.

[GLYC]

"I need to get my definite closure to date successfully, imo"

No. You need to just get back out there. It's easier to heal when you're around new people and creating new memories. Go out with new men.
What closure do you need? The guy is married, its over.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it's the truth. If he valued you, he wouldn't have done this. So why bother giving him anymore thought.
You deserve better.

[lovebroken]

I agree with all the guys POV's above, CantMoveOn. Best revenge is you being happy and living your best life and it doesn't matter if he knows about it, you are the one who matters not him. His past will catch up with him in his current relationship, men and women who play others usually have it blow up at some point.