Longing to be loved 2

[Hooo!]

More words can soften the message

Less words have more impact generally speaking


I get the need to appeal to the unconscious of people. I get the need to make them understand. Often enough however more words can have the effect of the conscious butting in
Which you usually wouldn't want in a conversation.

I'm explaining all this so you can get it consciously.

But emotional you don't understand that being a little decisive and forcefully and male may mean you have to come to the point.

And this has nothing to do with how you are being introverted or extroverted or how often you speak to strangers
It has to do wether you are seen as decisive or waffling IF you choose to communicate

And as i said. I just get the sense. Especially because ALL of you answers are lengthy. Even if they didn't have to be.

[pcmaster]

What a long reply Hooo! You have became same as Jester!

Anyway I have a date in 13 hours. It wasnt easy to get this date simce had to remind girl multible times her words but I hope time on date will be spend nicely. Will update how it went.

[pcmaster]

So here comes the UPDATE:

Before the date I messaged her and said if we are going to sit next to river might as well go for a swim but she replied that probably won't swim this time. Also, she wanted to meet at 7 o'clock what is an hour later than the time she previously mentioned to which I replied that 6 would be a better time for me and she agreed. Didn't tell her this but I don't like to meet so late since important things first.

I was waiting for her at the usual meeting place and she was few minutes late but I didn't recognize her first few seconds after seeing her since this time she had makeup and she was dressed for business.
So we went to the river and I noticed that she had only a small handbag - it was too suspicious cause I was sure there couldn't fit a blanket. So I figured she didn't want to take one with her to which she agreed(before she said that she forgot). Despite that previously that was her date idea to chill on a blanket. That's where I caught here where she is full of shit. Anyway, we sit on a bench and talked and after few minutes I suggested to go sit in a grass so we went to sit on a grass and I was laying down sometimes. We spoke for a few hours and really talked things out, talked about important stuff. I asked her how much she believes in God and surprisingly she was more faithful than expected since she prayed every night. Also, she figured out right that for me religion is more important than relationships now since I seem pretty quiet but when it comes to faith that's where I really open up and talk a lot.
Also, she friend zoned me again lol. Said she first want to be friends and then go from there since she doesn't feel the spark and felt only a little of it at the beginning. We talked how different we are and how different our interests are and topics we want to talk about. She more into politics and weddings but I'm more into computers and crypto.
The problem that I mention is that we were talking about her topics where she is strong and that I haven't been talking about my interests because my interests are weird and she wouldn't understand them if I started to talk about them. She said its okay that I can talk about them. Anyway happens that she was kinda inviting me to prom with her friends but I responded that I don't dance. Back then I was thinking she asks If planned to go on my own cause she didn't invite me directly. I told her that I can't read minds or something like that.

Also, she said that she wants to know me better and that she gets a lot of attention at the weddings(when she organizes them) but she is not interested in it since she likes to take things slow.
I said that it would be a lot of friends cause so far I couldn't be friends with any girls I dated and that they weren't so interested in me. Also about 4 years ago, I was thinking that it's easy to find GF but hard to find a girl that could also be a friend.

I was getting darker and colder so I suggested we start moving. Overall I think we talked very well and she said thanks for the talk several times when we said goodbyes and later when she texted me. But at the end of the date when she said thanks, I said thanks too but she started to laugh what wasn't nice laughter what I heard on the date but it seemed like she was laughing about me and I asked what she taught about to what she answered that she so openly told everything. We hugged and I pressed her towards me - I like to feel her large breasts pressing against me but I never told her that, just saying that we hugging friendly lol.
Anyway, I had a bad feeling about that laughter cause I figured she laughed because she friend zoned me but I said thanks for the talk. Later when she texted me I bring this up and she said it wasn't meant evil, that she laughs often. I ignored it and replied have a nice night. It was 53 minutes ago and she hasn't replied yet, but whatever, it's never gonna be perfect.

[Hooo!]

Don't hesitate with the physical escalation
It gets you nowhere but in the friendzone

Don't judge people to be full of bullshit if they just don't tell you ecery minor detail of their thoughts
Don't be right about everything
Chill
Enjoy yourself and make her enjoy herself

[pcmaster]

I see you havent read my previous posts about how I escalated with her since second date.

Problem is that she didnt feel spark. Could be because of energy levels since she have a lot of energy but me not so much. Thats why attraction could be lacking.

But while we talked yesterday at some point we were both laughing and I noticed that our faces are close to each other. Dont know how it happened but that could be perfect time for a kiss since we was on same wave, feeling the same emotion. But I didnt kiss her, it was good as it is and sharing that moment was nice. Now when I think about it then I never did this with a girl before - talking in a grass. It felt like unreachable dream 6 years ago. Also the way we laughed together. That was rare too and dont happen with every girl.

I want to meet her ine more time before summer ends. And if we still are just friends then call this summer romance, summer girl. I was thinking that I should give her number since she is fifth girl.

[TheEvilJester]

More words can soften the message

Less words have more impact generally speaking


I get the need to appeal to the unconscious of people. I get the need to make them understand. Often enough however more words can have the effect of the conscious butting in
Which you usually wouldn't want in a conversation.

I'm explaining all this so you can get it consciously.

But emotional you don't understand that being a little decisive and forcefully and male may mean you have to come to the point.

And this has nothing to do with how you are being introverted or extroverted or how often you speak to strangers
It has to do wether you are seen as decisive or waffling IF you choose to communicate

And as i said. I just get the sense. Especially because ALL of you answers are lengthy. Even if they didn't have to be.

I would say that is a slight exaggeration. MOST of my responses are long, not all. I would also agree that some of them are long even when they don't have to be long. I disagree, however, with your opinion on WHY my responses tend to be so long. At least as it relates to my responses to others asking for advice. Indecision has little to do with it usually, as more often than not I 100% know where I personally land on any given topic. Sure, sometimes there is gray area, but often I am pretty solidly in one camp or another.

Where my responses can get lengthy is where I feel the need to give my personal opinion... but then also offer alternative/best of a a worst case options for if the person is maybe leaning the other way. Could I choose NOT to do that? Sure, but sometimes I just find it too presumptuous to assume I know what is best for somebody. So I do like to offer some thoughts for the other side of the coin as well.

The other reason my responses can get so long is because, frankly, sometimes I can be a bit verbose. Online, anyway. That, I'll admit, is something I've tried my best to shorten, but sometimes I get carried away. Sometimes I say something in many more words than was necessary.

Bottom line, though, if my messages are too long for you, it is quite simple. Pass them by. I've seen messages that are short and unhelpful, I've seen messages that are long and unhelpful. I don't feel the need to call them out, I just ignore them.

I'll say, though... I do appreciate your thoughts and that you are trying to help, Hooo. That's one thing where I definitely give you credit. You manage to be capable of offering constructive criticism without being insulting. Surprisingly not a talent everybody has.

So here comes the UPDATE:

Before the date I messaged her and said if we are going to sit next to river might as well go for a swim but she replied that probably won't swim this time. Also, she wanted to meet at 7 o'clock what is an hour later than the time she previously mentioned to which I replied that 6 would be a better time for me and she agreed. Didn't tell her this but I don't like to meet so late since important things first.

I was waiting for her at the usual meeting place and she was few minutes late but I didn't recognize her first few seconds after seeing her since this time she had makeup and she was dressed for business.
So we went to the river and I noticed that she had only a small handbag - it was too suspicious cause I was sure there couldn't fit a blanket. So I figured she didn't want to take one with her to which she agreed(before she said that she forgot). Despite that previously that was her date idea to chill on a blanket. That's where I caught here where she is full of shit. Anyway, we sit on a bench and talked and after few minutes I suggested to go sit in a grass so we went to sit on a grass and I was laying down sometimes. We spoke for a few hours and really talked things out, talked about important stuff. I asked her how much she believes in God and surprisingly she was more faithful than expected since she prayed every night. Also, she figured out right that for me religion is more important than relationships now since I seem pretty quiet but when it comes to faith that's where I really open up and talk a lot.
Also, she friend zoned me again lol. Said she first want to be friends and then go from there since she doesn't feel the spark and felt only a little of it at the beginning. We talked how different we are and how different our interests are and topics we want to talk about. She more into politics and weddings but I'm more into computers and crypto.
The problem that I mention is that we were talking about her topics where she is strong and that I haven't been talking about my interests because my interests are weird and she wouldn't understand them if I started to talk about them. She said its okay that I can talk about them. Anyway happens that she was kinda inviting me to prom with her friends but I responded that I don't dance. Back then I was thinking she asks If planned to go on my own cause she didn't invite me directly. I told her that I can't read minds or something like that.

Also, she said that she wants to know me better and that she gets a lot of attention at the weddings(when she organizes them) but she is not interested in it since she likes to take things slow.
I said that it would be a lot of friends cause so far I couldn't be friends with any girls I dated and that they weren't so interested in me. Also about 4 years ago, I was thinking that it's easy to find GF but hard to find a girl that could also be a friend.

I was getting darker and colder so I suggested we start moving. Overall I think we talked very well and she said thanks for the talk several times when we said goodbyes and later when she texted me. But at the end of the date when she said thanks, I said thanks too but she started to laugh what wasn't nice laughter what I heard on the date but it seemed like she was laughing about me and I asked what she taught about to what she answered that she so openly told everything. We hugged and I pressed her towards me - I like to feel her large breasts pressing against me but I never told her that, just saying that we hugging friendly lol.
Anyway, I had a bad feeling about that laughter cause I figured she laughed because she friend zoned me but I said thanks for the talk. Later when she texted me I bring this up and she said it wasn't meant evil, that she laughs often. I ignored it and replied have a nice night. It was 53 minutes ago and she hasn't replied yet, but whatever, it's never gonna be perfect.

Hmm...

I don't know if it is just me. Hooo seems to disagree with this, unless I misunderstand.... But I'm kinda thinking maybe it is best at this point if you just assume it isn't happening and move on. Which isn't to say you have to burn that bridge completely. Leave a door/window open if you maybe want to let her come back if she is interested after all....

But it sounds like she's thrown the whole "friend" thing at you on more than one occasion now. Sure, I guess maybe sometimes people CAN sincerely want to just be friends/get to know somebody first and then see where it goes.... but more often than not that is just somebody's way of thinking they are letting you down easily/sparing your feelings.

I mean, again, I could be wrong. If you want to continue to see her, I would certainly not stop you. I'd AT LEAST, though, say probably best not to put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. As in, even if you do continue to see her, maybe also try asking other women out. At least unless she actually DOES become more serious with you.

Best of luck, PC.

[pcmaster]

Sure man, I understand you. For me too it felt like relationship is completly dead and now with double friendzone theres just no recovery. But like I mentioned before Im giving this time till the end of the summer and only then will give up completly.

Also its unnusal that you suggest keep seeing her while asking other girls on the date. Thats not my style to date more than one girl at the time. I dont even message with two girls at same time unless girl or girls are only friends to me. SO dont plan to look for new girl or ask or chat up new girl till autumn. Not just Im loyal but also concentrating only at one girl at the time. Singularity of mind. I know it goes nowhere when you have more than one girl on your mind. Then in september I will meet a lot of new people in church so perhaps wont even have time or will for dating sites.

[TheEvilJester]

I more so just mean don't hold off on looking for somebody else for this gal. Believe me, I understand your point of not liking to date more than one woman at the same time. I actually agree with that.... when it relates to somebody with whom you are actively moving forward. I guess just my concern here is why waste any time with somebody who doesn't seem to be interested? In other words, if a new woman came along tomorrow, I'd personally say ask her out. Don't skip asking her out because your attention is currently on this gal who isn't seeming to return the attention.

I absolutely get it, though, if that isn't your style. I'm not one to date around a lot either. I do agree with the approach of focusing your attention on just one woman. Just, more so when it is actually progressing. My main concern, though, is if you were to get strung along for too long and waste too much time....

And you obviously won't let that happen. You have a time frame in your mind, so I can at least rest easy knowing my good buddy PC will cut his losses and move on if he has to. I'll say it again. Best of luck.

[pcmaster]

Thanks for luck Jester! It will be so damn useful. Cause till the end of summer are 3 days left .

Its either make it or brake it. I have one last date idea left. So far we met 5 times and I have spend 2,5$ on both of us for all those times together. Now planning to ask her out to pizza restaurant. Hope she will agree cause its during her hour lunchbreak. If she dont like me that much she wont let me spend money on her.

I understand what you mean by not wasting ANY more time. But my life is not so freaking amazing so its still a little better if we meet. I have a lot of girls to chat with so that sometimes takes days to reply to them. But this is only girl who agree to meet too. Without those meetings my life would seem like less inspiring book. What I want to do lately is to make my life like inspiring book. For that I want to live braver and crazier. So I want to make dates more interesting too. Do somerhing brave or crazy on a date.

Now this girl is not stringing me along cause shes honest about what she thinks and feels. Why we still meet is because her friends told her that it needs time to start to feel something and that attraction dont happen instantly. Also shes not sure if she is over her ex. They still have lot of common friends and she often in touch with his mother.

Anyway its intereating that you say - if new girl comes a long. Now thats the thing - I dont know how you met your previous girl, if she just came a long. But in my life girls dont come a long. I have to take them with force. Lol not with force but you got the point. For example I just came back from a weekend trip. And saw a lot of pretty girls there. I looked a lot on them and some looked at me too. But I never said a word. It would take maning up to say even Hi. On dating sites I dont get messaged by girls either unlike some other guys. So nothing happens without me digging deeper and interacting with girls in active way.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, when I say "come along" it isn't like I mean they fall from the sky, into your lap, and ask you out on a date. I mean you see a girl, think "Hey, I'd like to get to know her better" and you ask her out. Because, yeah, I agree with you on that... dates don't just "come along." Women don't just fall out of the sky.

I'm just saying, if you happened to meet some gal tomorrow and she seemed like somebody you'd maybe want to date... my personal advice would be to ask her out. Or at least talk to her a little. I just wouldn't personally suggest you pass up the opportunity because of the gal you've been talking to/hanging out with presently, because Current Gal hasn't really given you any indication to believe it is going anywhere. If you started talking to New Girl and then suddenly the next day Current Gal starts showing legitimate interest, then great. Move forward then and maybe consider letting New Girl go and focusing your attention on Current Gal (unless, of course, New Girl seems to be of more interest to you).

I'm just saying, it's one thing if things seemed to be moving forward, then I could agree with focusing on just one person. But, to me, if she seems as reluctant as it has sounded like she does, then why wait around for her? Again, you can always leave the door open for her and still remain friends for the time being in case things DO progress after all. But why otherwise put your pursuit of love on hold just hoping she'll come around?

Anyway, also be careful. Just because she lets you pay for her it definitely does NOT necessarily mean she likes you. I would certainly hope she wouldn't let you pay for her without both understanding and being okay with the obvious implication of that... but there are plenty of people who would happily take advantage of somebody paying for them even if they have no intention of taking them seriously. I'm not saying that because I think that is the case here. I have absolutely no idea if it is or it isn't. I'm just saying that because I don't want you to think that if she does let you pay for her it automatically means it is because she is interested.

You'll find somebody really special some day who will feel like you are just as special. Maybe it will turn out to be this gal, maybe it won't. But you will. I hope it is very soon. I want to hear your success stories. I want to hear of you finally getting a good gal.

[pcmaster]

If you started talking to New Girl and then suddenly the next day Current Gal starts showing legitimate interest, then great. Move forward then and maybe consider letting New Girl go and focusing your attention on Current Gal (unless, of course, New Girl seems to be of more interest to you).

That sounds so difficult, really got confused right there. Fcked my mind right there. Thats why I dodnt do two girls at the time cause its just mindfck. I mean Im not good at multitasking and dont want to end up in situation where I have to choose between two girls.

I follow rule one girl at the time and dont start next girl before everything is ended with previous one and I give up only when everything is complety fcked up.

You'll find somebody really special some day who will feel like you are just as special. Maybe it will turn out to be this gal, maybe it won't. But you will. I hope it is very soon. I want to hear your success stories. I want to hear of you finally getting a good gal.

Yeah I hope to find that someone special one day. Been meeting pretty great girls but they didnt find me to be the same way. So will just keep looking for girl who could love my fat lazy ass.

[TheEvilJester]

That sounds so difficult, really got confused right there. Fcked my mind right there. Thats why I dodnt do two girls at the time cause its just mindfck. I mean Im not good at multitasking and dont want to end up in situation where I have to choose between two girls.

I follow rule one girl at the time and dont start next girl before everything is ended with previous one and I give up only when everything is complety fcked up.

I suppose I understand what you mean. And, again, I agree to some degree. It's just, I more so think that makes sense when things seem to move forward with somebody, not when they are still so unclear. I think of it like this... If I ask a girl out on a date, and we go on date number one.... I'm not going to suddenly stop looking for other women and focus all of my attention on her. Maybe date two will never happen. Maybe I'm wasting my time. If things DO start to progress... seem to be going well... sure, THEN, I'll step back. I'll focus just on her. I'll see where that goes.

But, I'm not going to put my pursuit on hold for somebody with whom barely anything has even started as of yet. Or, I think of it like if I tried online dating again.... and pretend we are in a fictional universe where that bull$h** actually DOES work. If I get a date with one gal from that, I'm not then going to put my online dating activities on hold just based on one date.

Don't get me wrong, though. If that sounds like too much work for you, I can understand that. So, if your method works for you, then go for it.

Yeah I hope to find that someone special one day. Been meeting pretty great girls but they didnt find me to be the same way. So will just keep looking for girl who could love my fat lazy ass.

Eh, well, if they don't appreciate you then maybe they aren't so great after all.

[Arenita]

We have dated on and off for almond 2yrs. He confessed me that there has never been excitement in our sex. What can I do???

- - - Updated - - -

We have dated on and off for almond 2yrs. He confessed me that there has never been excitement in our sex. What can I do???

[Hooo!]

What do you want to do?

[TheEvilJester]

Well, for starters you should start your own thread rather than jump into somebody else's ongoing thread. And I'm actually NOT saying that to be cheeky and rude. I'm saying that sincerely because you are more likely to get more responses if you start your own thread. You may get more help that way.

As it is, you didn't give us very much in the way of details. Was he specific about what about your sex life isn't working for him? About what specifically could change? Maybe there are ways you two could work together to spice things up in a way that works for you both and will keep you both happy. To be honest, if you've been sexually active for 2 years and he's just telling you this now I couldn't help but wonder why the Hell he never said anything before. That's not really fair to you. He never gave you the chance to even try different things if it wasn't quite working for him.

But, talk to him about this. Not us. We can't help all that much because we don't know enough about the specifics of WHY he thinks it isn't exciting enough. Only he can tell you that. Only you two can decide if it is something you can fix together, or if it is a deal breaker for one or both of you. Good luck.