What do men in relationships really think when watching porn?

[Katmeow85]

I thought is was a self-evident truth. Are you claiming that women can be honest for sex and not guys, but have a more difficult time enjoying short term relationships with guys? Many women claim guys are willing to lower their standards merely to obtain sex, why would only guys need to lower their standard if it was easier for guys to be honest with women regarding short term relationships when no money is being considered?

Wealthy guys who can afford a five thousand dollar an hour petty cash fund may be able to get laid easier than some women; but that is usually not true of guys without recourse to that wealth in our money based, mixed market, political economy.

The proof is, I have never had to lie to a woman for sex whenever I had a petty cash fund for that purpose. But, can't seem to get laid by being consistently, that moral and that ethical, for free. Yet, I would not have a problem if women told me that they needed to confirm a hypothesis which states that if they use guys for sex long enough, a guy will eventually either clamor for a relationship or overcome his commitment phobia, simply to avoid getting used for sex as much by women who have higher sex drives than men.

I agree to disagree. Sex is porn, simply because porn is sex. Can there even be "porn" without sex being involved? What is the difference between live porn on a stage and sex in a bedroom regarding that physical act between two consenting adults? If there is no difference, then why distinguish; therefore, porn is not bad, in and of itself, but could be bad when used for badness and not goodness. In my opinion, porn should always be used for goodness and not badness.

I have never put in to account the amount of money a man makes. I take in to account whether I am attracted to him - personality usually more than looks. I feel uncomfortable if they are flashing the cash. I feel like they are trying to buy me.

Also porn is sex and sex is porn but there is a difference. Porn on a live stage is people performing sexual acts to the public for money. Sex in a bedroom is private and usually isnt paid for. Sex in a bedroom is usually between two people that have a mutual attraction for eachother and want to do it for free because of this like.

I also am honest when it comes to sex. If I want sex I want sex. If I dont I dont. I dont play games. I dont have sex with someone because of the money they make. That is just plain wrong. I have sex with the person not there wallet.

Plus porn in itself isnt bad unless it is some sort of horrible violent porn. If a woman is upset with her bf watching it and he still watches it even though he knows everytime he does a little piece of her inside is hurting and she is getting more and more self-concious isnt that bad? Also if the bf lies for over a year saying he hasnt been watching it isnt that also bad?

[Mathias]

Plus porn in itself isnt bad unless it is some sort of horrible violent porn. If a woman is upset with her bf watching it and he still watches it even though he knows everytime he does a little piece of her inside is hurting and she is getting more and more self-concious isnt that bad? Also if the bf lies for over a year saying he hasnt been watching it isnt that also bad?

Let's say we're dating.

Now, let's say you don't like my religious affiliation. It's not violent, it doesn't directly affect you, but it's different from yours, and that really bothers you.

If a little piece of you inside is hurting and you're bothered by it, I still won't change it.

Yes, it's an extreme example, but it's here to serve a point. What your boyfriend is doing isn't wrong because it upsets you. If it upsets you that much, you should find a different boyfriend. That's on you. You're trying to pass the blame off to him.

It's your responsibility to make yourself happy. Not his.

[Katmeow85]

Let's say we're dating.

Now, let's say you don't like my religious affiliation. It's not violent, it doesn't directly affect you, but it's different from yours, and that really bothers you.

If a little piece of you inside is hurting and you're bothered by it, I still won't change it.

Yes, it's an extreme example, but it's here to serve a point. What your boyfriend is doing isn't wrong because it upsets you. If it upsets you that much, you should find a different boyfriend. That's on you. You're trying to pass the blame off to him.

It's your responsibility to make yourself happy. Not his.

Yeah but religion is religion, it isnt a man watching naked women and getting off on it.

[Mathias]

Yeah but religion is religion, it isnt a man watching naked women and getting off on it.

You're completely missing the point. Yes, it's an extreme example. I admitted that.

Now go read it with an open mind. He's not doing anything wrong. You don't like what he does - that's on you to solve.

[Katmeow85]

You're completely missing the point. Yes, it's an extreme example. I admitted that.

Now go read it with an open mind. He's not doing anything wrong. You don't like what he does - that's on you to solve.

I'm not I get what you mean. It is something I just have to put up with. That is basically what you are saying. Religion is a belief. Porn isnt. You can stop watching porn but you can't really stop believing in what you've believed in all your life.

Also it is really affecting me. I was happy before I knew what he was doing. What he was watching. Now I hate myself. I hate the way I look more than I ever did before. I actually felt beautiful. I feel second best. I was happy. I had built up some self-esteem just to have it all knocked out of me. I'm scared to leave him on his own in case I catch him doing it again. It is on my mind 24/7. I dont feel like doing anything. I'm in pain and I can't stop feeling sad. I've tried to get it out of my mind but I can't. I've even asked for counselling. If you dont understand how it is hurting me you can never really understand. It may just be porn to you and it doesnt hurt you but it hurts some people.

If you knew something you were doing was hurting your partner this badly wouldnt you stop?

[Mathias]

If you knew something you were doing was hurting your partner this badly wouldnt you stop?

Probably, but I'd be put off by the expectation that I had to do something because you decided you didn't like it. You're the one dating me. It's not up to me to change for you. It's up to you to decide whether or not to keep dating me.

[Katmeow85]

Probably, but I'd be put off by the expectation that I had to do something because you decided you didn't like it. You're the one dating me. It's not up to me to change for you. It's up to you to decide whether or not to keep dating me.

Yes but that is like saying you'd keep shouting at someone because you were angry or keep hitting out because you were violent.

Plus I gave up something for him because it made him unhappy. Should I just start again and make him unhappy? No because I'm not like that. Whatever I was doing isn't has important as my relationship.

Plus there is a child to consider. You are suppose to work at relationships.

[Mathias]

Yes but that is like saying you'd keep shouting at someone because you were angry or keep hitting out because you were violent.

Plus I gave up something for him because it made him unhappy. Should I just start again and make him unhappy? No because I'm not like that. Whatever I was doing isn't has important as my relationship.

Plus there is a child to consider. You are suppose to work at relationships.

1. I don't get the shouting thing. Can you expand on that?
2. Just because you gave up something for him doesn't mean he's obligated to do the same. Again, it would be nice if he did, but it's not required.
3. Starting over again or not is your choice. However, I'm happy to see that you're shifting this onto yourself rather than focusing on what he's doing "wrong". You can consider your child, your view on relationships - everything. But you need to take control of this rather than just hoping he'll change. You're just asking to be disappointed otherwise. The only thing you're going to ever control is yourself.

[Katmeow85]

1. I don't get the shouting thing. Can you expand on that?
2. Just because you gave up something for him doesn't mean he's obligated to do the same. Again, it would be nice if he did, but it's not required.
3. Starting over again or not is your choice. However, I'm happy to see that you're shifting this onto yourself rather than focusing on what he's doing "wrong". You can consider your child, your view on relationships - everything. But you need to take control of this rather than just hoping he'll change. You're just asking to be disappointed otherwise. The only thing you're going to ever control is yourself.

Shouting. As in they were being agressive. You wouldnt put up with it. You tell them to stop and if they didnt youd leave. Same with this.

Is porn that important that hed rather have that than me?

I don't expet him to change but if he cant realise that he may lose me over it then more fool him. Ive decided to do things he doesnt want me to do now because what is the point? If I stop doing things that hurt him but he wont then what is the point?

Why should I shift this onto me? I'm not hurting anyone. I think I will now. It maybe childish but why should I give up things for him when he wont for me. Now we will both be hurting.

[Mathias]

Shouting. As in they were being agressive. You wouldnt put up with it. You tell them to stop and if they didnt youd leave. Same with this.

Is porn that important that hed rather have that than me?

I don't expet him to change but if he cant realise that he may lose me over it then more fool him. Ive decided to do things he doesnt want me to do now because what is the point? If I stop doing things that hurt him but he wont then what is the point?

Why should I shift this onto me? I'm not hurting anyone. I think I will now. It maybe childish but why should I give up things for him when he wont for me. Now we will both be hurting.

So you're going to play manipulative games now?

This will end well.

[Wakeup]

Think of this before you start self-sabotaging and driving the wedge you now have between the two of your even farther in: You will have a very hard time finding a man that doesn't not masturbate to some sort of visual aid. A very hard time so perhaps you would be better off if you asked him to go to some form of couples counceling so that you both can learn to meet each others needs in a more mature manner. He's apathetic and you're insecure by thinking that the women of porn are some kind of threat to you. Both those isses need to be addressed by an unbiased, professional third party.

If you leave him without addressing your own issues, then the problem will just surface again in your next relationship.

[DannyH]

I thought is was a self-evident truth. Are you claiming that women can be honest for sex and not guys, but have a more difficult time enjoying short term relationships with guys? Many women claim guys are willing to lower their standards merely to obtain sex, why would only guys need to lower their standard if it was easier for guys to be honest with women regarding short term relationships when no money is being considered?

Wealthy guys who can afford a five thousand dollar an hour petty cash fund may be able to get laid easier than some women; but that is usually not true of guys without recourse to that wealth in our money based, mixed market, political economy.

The proof is, I have never had to lie to a woman for sex whenever I had a petty cash fund for that purpose. But, can't seem to get laid by being consistently, that moral and that ethical, for free. Yet, I would not have a problem if women told me that they needed to confirm a hypothesis which states that if they use guys for sex long enough, a guy will eventually either clamor for a relationship or overcome his commitment phobia, simply to avoid getting used for sex as much by women who have higher sex drives than men.

I agree to disagree. Sex is porn, simply because porn is sex. Can there even be "porn" without sex being involved? What is the difference between live porn on a stage and sex in a bedroom regarding that physical act between two consenting adults? If there is no difference, then why distinguish; therefore, porn is not bad, in and of itself, but could be bad when used for badness and not goodness. In my opinion, porn should always be used for goodness and not badness.

See this is how I know you do not even know what fallacy means. Most guy make the first move on everything towards women. First interaction, first date, move in for the first kiss, move in for the chance to have sex. I'll put it simply like this. Take the wall on the opposite side of the room. Sit in your chair and wait for the wall to come to you. No matter how long you wait the wall is never gonna come to you. Now go up and touch the wall. Which was easier. Touching the wall. Most women wait for Men to make the moves. That isn't a fallacy it's human nature.Since women normally wait for guys to make the first approach. They have really no control on who comes over. Sure they can look at a guy across the room and try to give him signals it doesn't mean his is gonna pop on over there. Most men who just want to have a ONS will go and talk to women til he gets it. Women who act like the majority of women and wait for guys to approach them are not even guaranteed to be approached at all. Going to get what you want provides you will more access, move chances, more variety then simply waiting for something to happen.
A women normally get's to say yes or no to a man. The man hears no he can move on to the next women most of the time more quickly then the next man will approach the women. I mean she can have 10 guys approach her and none of them suitable to sleep with and she says no to all of them nobody else approaches what is she gonna do? go home alone.
Hell what are some of the most annoying/difficult times in people's lives. Waiting for stuff. Waiting for red lights, waiting for a pay check, waiting for an important phone call, waiting for the package in the mail, waiting for a taxi, waiting for your food to arrive when you order out. Now imagine you had to wait for women to approach you. If most guys did that most of them would never get laid.
Money, Lifestyle, clothes, fame, education, Religion, gender have really a different effect on the whole aspect of sex and relationships in general. They really only affect the type of people that are attracted to you. They are not even a guarantee to get you laid more often or even easier. Just affect what type of people you get.
Just how life works bro.

I also can bet if Katmeow85 was getting all the sex she needs from her man she would careless about the porn but she isn't. She isn't getting what she wants from her guy and he would rather watch porn then screw is what it seems like. It's one thing to watch porn and still give your girl what she wants. Its another thing to use porn as a replacement for her.

"Sex is porn, simply because porn is sex" <---- This statement is a fallacy. Porn is the depiction of sex. Not the act of sex. Like all of your other misconceptions.

[Mathias]

Since women normally wait for guys to make the first approach. They have really no control on who comes over.

This isn't actually how it works.

[Katmeow85]

So you're going to play manipulative games now?

This will end well.

You said it your self he wont change so why should I?

Why should I try so hard to be good and caring when he really doesnt care about my feelings.

[DannyH]

This isn't actually how it works.

it's the basics of how it works. There are always gonna be exceptions. This is the on average.
Most women wait for the man to make the first move. It's how we were all brought up. Hence its the majority. Not the exceptions I am talking about.
They can influence people in to coming over but they are not gonna have as much control on who they want to get to actually come over just because the girl wants the guy at the end of the bar doesn't mean she will have a shot if he doesn't come to her. Now this girl who goes up to him is gonna have more control over the situation concerning the guy at the end of the bar but this girl would be the exception to the norm.
Go read some more of the forums where these girls liked some dude for 5 6 years and haven't mentioned a word...... waiting for the dude to make the first move you wait for something you don't have as much control.