What do men in relationships really think when watching porn?

[Mathias]

You said it your self he wont change so why should I?

Why should I try so hard to be good and caring when he really doesnt care about my feelings.

So you don't want to care about him or be good to him, but you don't want to break up with him?

Come on now.

[Katmeow85]

Think of this before you start self-sabotaging and driving the wedge you now have between the two of your even farther in: You will have a very hard time finding a man that doesn't not masturbate to some sort of visual aid. A very hard time so perhaps you would be better off if you asked him to go to some form of couples counceling so that you both can learn to meet each others needs in a more mature manner. He's apathetic and you're insecure by thinking that the women of porn are some kind of threat to you. Both those isses need to be addressed by an unbiased, professional third party.

If you leave him without addressing your own issues, then the problem will just surface again in your next relationship.

I wanted couples counselling and I want to go but he just thinks I'll moan about him which isnt the case. I want to work on our relationship with a third party present who will be unbiased. I want to work on my self-esteem and whatever else.

I dont want to sabotage it but I just feel like I seem to do whatever is asked no questions and if I ask of him the same then nothing.

[Mathias]

Most women wait for the man to make the first move. It's how we were all brought up. Hence its the majority. Not the exceptions I am talking about.
They can influence people in to coming over but they are not gonna have as much control on who they want to get to actually come over just because the girl wants the guy at the end of the bar doesn't mean she will have a shot if he doesn't come to her. Now this girl who goes up to him is gonna have more control over the situation concerning the guy at the end of the bar but this girl would be the exception to the norm.
Go read some more of the forums where these girls liked some dude for 5 6 years and haven't mentioned a word...... waiting for the dude to make the first move you wait for something you don't have as much control.

I've been around, and I'm a guy. I know how it works.

Girls make it pretty obvious when they're interested in you. They will still wait for you to get off your ass and ask them out, but it's not like they don't show interest. I'm honestly shocked you don't know this.

[Katmeow85]

So you don't want to care about him or be good to him, but you don't want to break up with him?

Come on now.

I want to be good for him and all that but it feels like what is the point? He will still do things I dont like. I stopped doing what I was doing to make him happy and I get nothing in return.

[Katmeow85]

I also can bet if Katmeow85 was getting all the sex she needs from her man she would careless about the porn but she isn't. She isn't getting what she wants from her guy and he would rather watch porn then screw is what it seems like. It's one thing to watch porn and still give your girl what she wants. Its another thing to use porn as a replacement for her.

This is true. If I was getting sex from him maybe three times a week I wouldnt be bothered as much anout the porn.

[Mathias]

I want to be good for him and all that but it feels like what is the point? He will still do things I dont like. I stopped doing what I was doing to make him happy and I get nothing in return.

People are always going to do things you don't like. You can either live with it or try to find something better.

What you'll learn over time is that this is nothing to really get that upset over, but instead, you're throwing a fit and trying to manipulate him into feeling sorry for you and changing. It's not going to work. You need to decide whether you can live with it or not, because that's the only option here.

[DannyH]

I've been around, and I'm a guy. I know how it works.

Girls make it pretty obvious when they're interested in you. They will still wait for you to get off your ass and ask them out, but it's not like they don't show interest. I'm honestly shocked you don't know this.

That isn't really control. What if the guy is clueless and doesn't get the hints. Which *gasp* happens to women all the time. That's influence. She can't control the guy to come over if he misses the signals. I'm surprised you don't get this. Where women gives obvious clues and some poor sap misses it. Then comes here saying women have it easier then men to getting sex. Which just isn't the case.

[Katmeow85]

People are always going to do things you don't like. You can either live with it or try to find something better.

What you'll learn over time is that this is nothing to really get that upset over, but instead, you're throwing a fit and trying to manipulate him into feeling sorry for you and changing. It's not going to work. You need to decide whether you can live with it or not, because that's the only option here.

I havent actually told him to change. I did over a year ago but this time I am trying to live with it. He knows I am unhappy about something but doesnt know what. As I said earlier I wanted counselling with him but he moaned about it.
I wanted help for us but he was unwilling to do it.

As I said if he was more willing to touch me and have sex with me more often that once every two weeks or once a week then I probably wouldnt be upset that much.

I try and intiate things. I try to look good for him. I try and be nice and caring. Nothing much just a kiss and a little cuddle from him. I need more.

[Mathias]

That isn't really control. What if the guy is clueless and doesn't get the hints. Which *gasp* happens to women all the time. That's influence. She can't control the guy to come over if he misses the signals. I'm surprised you don't get this. Where women gives obvious clues and some poor sap misses it. Then comes here saying women have it easier then men to getting sex. Which just isn't the case.

Then the guy isn't worth having.

And women do have it easier then men when it comes to getting sex. That's not really arguable.

You send one woman and one guy of equal attractiveness out every night for a year with the goal to hook up, and the woman will win that contest every single time.

[Mathias]

I havent actually told him to change. I did over a year ago but this time I am trying to live with it. He knows I am unhappy about something but doesnt know what. As I said earlier I wanted counselling with him but he moaned about it.
I wanted help for us but he was unwilling to do it.

As I said if he was more willing to touch me and have sex with me more often that once every two weeks or once a week then I probably wouldnt be upset that much.

I try and intiate things. I try to look good for him. I try and be nice and caring. Nothing much just a kiss and a little cuddle from him. I need more.

Then why are you in something that makes you unhappy? You keep circling back to loyalty, but it seems that you'd rather complain about being unhappy than actually do something about it.

[Katmeow85]

Then the guy isn't worth having.

And women do have it easier then men when it comes to getting sex. That's not really arguable.

You send one woman and one guy of equal attractiveness out every night for a year with the goal to hook up, and the woman will win that contest every single time.

That is because men arent as picky. They did a test on the tv once and men picked 8/10 of the women they saw and women picked 2/10 men.

[Katmeow85]

Then why are you in something that makes you unhappy? You keep circling back to loyalty, but it seems that you'd rather complain about being unhappy than actually do something about it.

I wanted counselling.

It isnt about loyalty it is about love. I love him and want us to work. I cant do it all myself. I try and talk to him - he gets pissy. I try to get counselling - he gets pissy. I try and intiate things - ignored. There is only so much a person can try before they are unhappy.

He says he loves me. Isnt bored with me. Finds me attractive. He says he wants to be with me forver. I doubt this all the time because he wont help us work things out and all the work to help the relationship is one sided.

It feels like he isnt bothered about me.

[Mathias]

That is because men arent as picky. They did a test on the tv once and men picked 8/10 of the women they saw and women picked 2/10 men.

I don't disagree with this.

[Mathias]

I wanted counselling.

It isnt about loyalty it is about love. I love him and want us to work. I cant do it all myself. I try and talk to him - he gets pissy. I try to get counselling - he gets pissy. I try and intiate things - ignored. There is only so much a person can try before they are unhappy.

He says he loves me. Isnt bored with me. Finds me attractive. He says he wants to be with me forver. I doubt this all the time because he wont help us work things out and all the work to help the relationship is one sided.

It feels like he isnt bothered about me.

You can't do it all yourself. You've tried to change things, and he's made it clear they won't change.

How many times do you want to run into the wall before you realize it's not going to change into a door?

[DannyH]

Then the guy isn't worth having.

And women do have it easier then men when it comes to getting sex. That's not really arguable.

You send one woman and one guy of equal attractiveness out every night for a year with the goal to hook up, and the woman will win that contest every single time.

Only if the girl is assertive enough to go get it. If she stands and waits for something to happen it may not happen. Which is my entire point. Most men don't grasp the concept that men are more likely to go after women so they will have an easier time to get laid. Waiting for something means there is a chance it will never happen.