I tried to make love to her and now she doesn't wanna talk to me + says it's over :(

[HeartIsAching]

Of course I'm serious. She said no and he pretended not to hear her, kept on.

Whether or not he believed he was entitled to her goodies is irrelevant. If she won't give it up to him, he can move on, or live with it. Forcing his wants on her was and is attempted rape. I'm trying to determine if and why you're ok with that.

[Wakeup]

Not worth responding to, HIA. You know the difference between attempted rape and this certainly was not that. You trivialize those who have actually been in an attempted rape situation and personally, I resent your implication that what went on between the two of them was that.

[HeartIsAching]

Not even slightly. He completely disrespected her "No". Did I do stupid shit like that when I was a teenager? Sure. Did I know better long before I was 20? Hell yes. He should too.

[HeartIsAching]

she said she wasn't feeling comfortable with what I wanted to do. I didn't understand that and tried to "not listen" to what she said, I started kissing her easily in her lips, around her neck, and when I tried to go down on her,

Which part of this do you find ambiguous?

[Wakeup]

You aren't talking to an American, HIA. There are different nuances that you are inferring mean what you (sickly IMO) think was him setting it up to date rape her or something. Like I said, I think in this instance you are taking your anger management class to the extreme. This it two young and inexperienced people one who blows a guy but isn't ready for penetration and a youg guy who assumed way to much but certainly did not attempt to rape her. Just because You think he should be past this long before 20 just because you were is presumptuous of you.

Also like I said, I take offence to you trivializing those that have been raped and have had the unfortunate experience of an actual attempted rape upon them.

Agree to disagree ~ again.

[Wakeup]

I will certainly agree with you that he went about this with an end result in mind without taking what she may want into consideration, which was rather presumptuous on his part but I think that was due to inexperience. but that does not make it attempted rape.

since I am not the kind of person who likes to do things against another's will, I just stopped and I was feeling awfully bad. She saw that and grabbed my head with her hands, started kissing me and cuddling me.

[searock]

OP, the reason she reacted like something terrible had just happened is that she realized that you just ASSUMED that, since you put so much money and effort in planning the whole atmosphere, that she would have for sure agreed to have sex with you. It's like you had already decided that it was going to happen, without discussing it with her beforehand even though you knew perfectly well that she wasn't ready yet, the last time you had talked about it.

You should never assume - talk with her instead.

Wakeup, I think it's pretty normal for young inexperienced girls to be OK with some parts of sex (i.e. oral) but not others (i.e. intercourse). I myself was actually the same way, and it had absolutely nothing to do with religion or anything "ideological" - it was simply that intercourse somewhat scared me since I'd heard it would be pretty painful the first time. I also wanted to reach a higher level of intimacy with my partner before making him "my first", and having oral sex and playing with each other was a perfect way to reach that intimacy.

OP: by all means, go to her town and bring her flowers if that's what you normally do (NOT as an apology), then tell her you two need to talk. Tell her that your relationship doesn't feel complete nor fulfilling to you, because of the lack of sex. Tell her that it is because you love her that you want to "take it to the next level". Apologize for taking for granted that you would have had sex that night without even consulting her beforehand. Tell her that you don't think you can be in a sexless relationship any longer, because it's simply not what you want and need. Then listen to what she has to say. If what she says is incompatible with your needs, say goodbye, wish her well and go your separate ways.

[HeartIsAching]

You aren't talking to an American, HIA. There are different nuances that you are inferring mean what you (sickly IMO) think was him setting it up to date rape her or something. Like I said, I think in this instance you are taking your anger management class to the extreme. This it two young and inexperienced people one who blows a guy but isn't ready for penetration and a youg guy who assumed way to much but certainly did not attempt to rape her. Just because You think he should be past this long before 20 just because you were is presumptuous of you.

Also like I said, I take offence to you trivializing those that have been raped and have had the unfortunate experience of an actual attempted rape upon them.

Agree to disagree ~ again.

I don't think that he was setting her up to date rape her. I think he was disrespectful of her feelings and tried something that wasn't agreed to... and I further think that he felt a sense of ownership and entitlement because he'd spent money on her.

Regardless of whether or not he intended to date rape her, he did start to. The fact that he eventually caught himself is good... but I got the impression from his post that he didn't until she got more insistent. I can totally see why she was angry with him.

Be offended if you want. It puzzles me that you support the rape culture that says this sort of behavior is acceptable.

[donaldplozha]

I have been finding reasons for the past 4-5 days to call her, I miss her and her sweet voice. But I have a feeling this is not good. Do you think I should be calling her from time to time, or not call her any longer and then show up at her school on Friday, to apologize ?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop calling her. Start moving on. You've been with her for over a year and not had sex..it is time to move on. If she does call you back, tell her that you are ready for an adult relationship and that means sex. If she doesn't want that, tell her not to call you anymore.

Why is everyone so keen on apologizing all the time?

[Wakeup]

If she didn`t invite you to meet her at school then you shouldn`t go uninvited.

AT HIA: you`re only puzzled because you believe that this is something that `rape culture`approves of when it`s not even anywhere near rape or ignoring a no when one is given.

He disrespected her by assuming that his plan would be acceptable to her. Thats the jist of the entire situation. Ì still believe you are over-reacting.

However: If Op goes to her school uninvited then once again he is forcing his own agenda on her which means he`s incapable of learning a lesson and he should definately get the fk over himself.

[Love'sReject]

Why is everyone so keen on apologizing all the time?

Maybe cuz some of us aren't as barbaric as you sexually overcharged, heteronormal brutes.

[Wakeup]

I`ll add that I think that this girl should quit blowing guys until she feels safe enough to actualy let him penetrate her. If she doesn`t then she should keep her lips off of bobo until she`s feeling safe and loved.

[Love'sReject]

That's BS. I think she should be free to give only BJs or not if she chooses.

[Wakeup]

She is free to do it if she chooses. My word isn`t law and because I utter it, so it shall be.