Quote Originally Posted by IndiReloaded View Post
Hi LAF - You sound like a very mature 22 year old. This is good, but its also your problem.

Your lady was with her ex for 4 years, meaning she was 18 years old when they got together. I assume she is not that experienced with other guys. She may want to play the field soon. She will also be licking her emotional wounds for a while and you run the risk of being her 'shining knight'--not a good thing to be if you want a longterm future with this gal. There is a sticky about this on the main forum page. Suggest you read it and post your thoughts.

Now, if you were 42 (not 22), my advice would be to take her on a quiet date and tell her, clearly, how you love and admire her and want a longterm relationship with her. I wouldn't even worry about the FWB thing, its just a label after all. You know someone loves you by their actions, not their words. That's how I can tell just from your posts you are in love with her. Most guys would be thrilled for the sex, but for you that's not enough you want her heart so, yea, you love her.

Here's where you are hooped tho, if you carry on this way:

She is still toying with getting back with her ex. She hasn't made a decision to move on. This is bad news for you.

There are only 2 ways I can see to proceed, and like WU said, you won't like either:

1. Break off FWB with her. Don't be an ass. As her friend, tell her the truth: you are falling for her and you think she is still hung up on her ex. Say you want her for yourself but have to protect your own heart until she is ready for you (by this I mean the 'you' that is a couple).

2. Continue FWB, but realize you are going to lose her, longterm. Right now you are a rebound, and (read the Shining Knight sticky), these *never* last. No exceptions, bucko.

Hope this helps.
Her ex was that shining knight out of the relationship prior. But she's learning now. She WANTS to be single, but her affection towards me really does say she has feelings for me, so I'm shaky about predicting an outcome-which I shouldn't even be doing. I do believe, now that I see it in writing, that she is playing with the idea of being with her ex. I read and thoroughly understood the shining knight post, and I'm not 'that guy'. I've cared about her in the past when she was 'good', so to speak. I don't need to her to be 'better' or fixed or healed or anything. I know who she is and what she is like in a relationship, she's just in a tough situation right now. But, I do see how in HER world, I could be that shining knight role, which sucks.

Quote Originally Posted by searock View Post
Exactly. He needs to stop doing boyfriend-girlfriend stuff (including sex) with her until she tells him she wants to be in a relationship with him. Otherwise she's just going to keep using him as a rebound and dump him eventually. But he won't listen to us.
Quote Originally Posted by IndiReloaded View Post
Have faith, he may yet. He sounds like a smart guy who is heart torn. He posted here b/c he knows there is a problem.
I'm learning, guys. Believe me. It's killing me to step myself up to the healthier more mature way of thinking, but I'm going to bring it up. I can see that it's important SHE sees that I have more self-respect than to let her play with me. She likes me, I know she does and she may be holding on to the way things are so she can freely transition into a more healthy relationship with me. She wrote in her journal that I could be "the next phase in her life; the calm after the storm." .. She told me that she sees a relationship with me happening.

I know she's going to say no when I drop the 'take time to decide' card. I can't pressure her to speed up what she's going through. I love her. I want to do the right things to make this happen. I want to paint the right picture when I tell her so she will be almost persuaded or 'sold' to be with me. I don't want to give her a harsh yes/no scenario. I want to be smooth with it so she knows I care.

I'm going to write out the 'speech' I'll be telling her and I would like to run it by you, IndiReloaded and SeaRock if that's okay. (can we do email if so?) You two are clearly more knowledgeable than me, and I need the help. >_< .. I know this situation is messed up. To reiterate: we've had feelings for each other in the past, when she was with her ex. We have feelings for each other now, but she's working on getting over the ex, or is toying with the idea of being with him. I deserve to mean more to her than some stupid shining knight, man!!!! :@! I want her long-term. If this is the ONLY chance I have to have that... I'll do it. I'll do whatever I have to. I'm not desperate, I just know what I want. Okay, maybe I am a little desperate, but only because I know what I want, haha. >_> *sigh* ....