It's Friday Night...

[whaywardj]

Very courageous stuff, there, Independent. Many a hard row to hoe, therein. But, I assure you, the virtue of being totally transparent in all things far, far and away, outweighs the price of anguish getting there sometimes exacts. Stick around a while longer. Some here are sincerly interested in helping others move things out of shadow into light and pulling other hidden rabbits out of deeply buried hats. As is the case in any affiliation, the more each one of us discovers, the more we all come to understand.

[whaywardj]

Look beyond the personalities involved, even your own, and into the processes. Remember the old song: "We are stardust, we are golden..."

[independent]

Look beyond the personalities involved, even your own, and into the processes. Remember the old song: "We are stardust, we are golden..."

I'm not familiar with the song... would you mind to give me more detail on that note?

I'm lost at the moment. Or in deep thought, I mean. Ever since I wrote all of that out and realized my pattern. I would have never gotten here without LF - and without you, Hayward. And Rose... for the support and encouragement offered through it all (even when Hayward was making me think too hard LOL).

Do I just try to break this cycle... or should I put some energy into examining it and discovering something about myself that I can use to grow from the experience - and move forward in life? (I know the answer)

Hmm.

I've always said my biggest problem (character flaw) was being able to say "no". It was something I knew about myself, and in the last year or so have actually been practicing it (saying "no") and working on that -- because it made me unhappy so many times. Saying yes to charity work that I knew I couldnt handle in my already full schedule, for example. Or saying yes to something that went against my own inner feelings, and then being miserable doing it.

But I think this really goes a lot deeper than that. I wasnt unhappy (certainly not miserable) in my odd post-relationship relationships. It wasnt really a matter of saying yes when I felt no.

I think I have a problem with closure. Going back to issues with abandonment, from my childhood.

Ugh.

[whaywardj]

LOL!

Aw, well, Little Missy. Some fillies just need a bit of a firm hand now 'n agin to keep 'em frum trippin' own a rut on thu road.

And, sure, you know the song: "Woodstock." Hm. Maybe you don't. Woodstock happened in 1969; the film came out in '70; and you weren't born until...

Anyway, the lyrics (with a gender change I add) go:

"Well, I came upon a child of God
She was walking along the road
And I asked her, tell me, where are you going
This she told me:

Said, I'm going down to Yasgur's farm
Gonna join in a rock and roll band
Got to get back to the land
And set my soul free

{Refrain}
We are stardust
We are golden
We are billion-year-old carbon
And we got to get ourselves
Back to the Garden

Well then, can I walk beside you?
I have come to lose the smog
And I feel myself a cog
In something turning

And maybe it's the time of year
Yes, and maybe it's the time of Man
And I don't know who I am
But life is for learning

{Refrain - Twice}
We are stardust
We are golden
We are billion-year-old carbon
And we got to get ourselves
Back to the Garden

By the time we got to Woodstock
We were half a million strong
And everywhere was a song
And a celebration

And I dreamed I saw the bomber jet planes
Riding shotgun in the sky
Turning into butterflies
Above our nation

We are stardust
We are golden
We are caught in the devil's bargain
And we got to get ourselves
Back to the Garden"

The refrain derives from the fact (?) that stars are the source of heavy elements, such as carbon, and that all matter is, essentially, recyled star-stuff. Kinda puts a different a persepctive on our day-to-day affairs. And those not so day-to-day.

Attempting to break a cycle is also, to large a degree, an attempt to break yourself. It might be wiser, rather than "break," to guide a cycle from a downward drifting whirlpool to an upward ascending spiral.

By and large, I think an inability to say "no" arises from one not having had "yes" said to her often enough. For the present, try saying "yes" to yourself more often. After a little while, you may start hearing others saying yes to you, as well.

In my view, "closure" is largely an illusion. Nothing ever really "ends." Things transform into other things, each new thing always having in it a little part of what went before, and what appears to be a closing of things in one place, appears as an opening of things in another. Kinda like grandparents, parents and children.

And stardust.

[shh!]

In my view, "closure" is largely an illusion. Nothing ever really "ends." Things transform into other things, each new thing always having in it a little part of what went before, and what appears to be a closing of things in one place, appears as an opening of things in another. Kinda like grandparents, parents and children.

And stardust.

First Law of Thermodynamics, I think...

[independent]

I'll put some thought into all of this, maybe respond when I can pull myself together.

[whaywardj]

An old adage comes to mind: "Men use affection to get sex. Women use sex to get affection."

[shh!]

That is an untruth. Some women actually like the sex.

[independent]

LOL shh! (high five!)

I think both are true. Sex is good... and men tend to behave differently when they've been laid. It's the best thing for a headache or a bad mood, IMO.


If this were only about sex... it would be easy *sigh*

[whaywardj]

That is an untruth. Some women actually like the sex.

Of course it's true. Just because she may like it doesn't mean a woman won't use it. And vice-versa. I rather enjoy being audience to the little games women sometimes play with the promise of sex. Amuses me to see how little they think of my intelligence. And, since "being stupid" is great camouflage, I'm even more amused at how surprised and befuddled they become when their dignity later comes off with their clothes. Which is, generally, what happens if they toy with me too much. Then the shoe's on the other foot and I'm in the position to decide whether or not I want to make them believe they're falling in love with me. Whether I do or don't depends on how vindictive -- or sadistic -- I feel at the moment. Incidentally, that's something I've never understood about the whip-and-leather crowd. If S/M is your thing, I'd think there'd be much more gratification to be had in inflicting and receiving long-term emotional damage rather than short-term rushes of physical discomfort. It's a matter of appreciating subtlety, I guess. And of keeping one's bad boy skills honed to an ever finer edge. I particularly enjoy telling such a woman at such times EXACTLY what I'm doing as I'm doing it and watching her struggle futilely to escape her own desires and fall headlong into my hands despite herself, knowing all the while full well I may or may not pluck her wings once I have her there. They get such a panic-stricken gleam in their eyes, which satisfies me greatly to see.

[shh!]

Damn, hayward - you date some stupid women! I'd just smack you silly, and I wouldn't even need affection before I did it!

haha

[Rosebud]

LOL... this thread is getting funnier by the second!

[whaywardj]

Well. So much for THAT Halloween mask. Didn't do shit in the spooky department.

[whaywardj]

BTW: Anyone in San Francisco? Halloween is THE night there, for my money. I want a full report.

[shh!]

I think tooxshort is in the bay area...