Division of labour / responsiblity

[bulrush]

MaidenMinx,
I did not know you had control issues. Let's assume you were serious about that. There are more effective ways to remind him. This is what worked with me: Wife to me: "Honey, you forgot to take out the garbage. Will you take it out now so you don't forget?" I agree, I forgot, and if I don't take it out now, I will forget again. So I take it out now.

Just make him do it now. It takes one minute.

I think the best measurement isn't necessarily who does what but how each feels about their share. If it feels imbalanced it probably is.

Excellent advice. I happen to like weeding the garden. So that's what I do more of. And I don't complain because it's not 50/50 division of labor. I also don't complain if I end up doing all the hard, dirty or dangerous work (removing dead mice from traps, catching snakes, changing the oil, mowing the lawn over an unknown yellow jacket nest, trimming poison ivy, running wiring, installing ceiling fans, washing the roof (we get moss), etc.)

I think men who have been sitting doing NOTHING while their parents (mother) did everything for them are THE worst offenders when it comes to matters of keeping a home clean and sanitary.

I agree. But you have to determine if they are just lazy, or if they are truly forgetful.

I see you have kids. When I was 5 I had the following chores to do every week: clean the linoleum steps to the basement, dust and vacuum my room, change my sheets, do the dishes. As my hands were too small, I kept dropping slippery glasses when doing dishes. When I broke enough, I got a different chore. Even if your kid is age 5 they can do SOMETHING, like set the table, take out the garbage, etc. It's not rocket science.

[bcgirl]

i am the breadwinner and my boyfriend is a stay at home dad. he has never been a cleaner and he still isn't. i suck it up most of the time but it irritates the living **** out of me sometimes.

the non-bread winner always is the b*tch in the relationship. That's how relationships worked for generations and generations. Now, society has done a flip and we are going to see more stay at home dads and the moms bringing home the dough. That means if the dad is staying at home....he's gotta be the one cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids and everything else. This is fair. He can't be sitting on his azz waiting for wifey to come home and cook for him while he slept all day and watched tv.

[MaidenMinx]

Bulrush, I'm insecure so yes I have control issues. Working on my security. Working on really liking me which I know will help me feel more secure. Not a good morning for that though. Sick as a dog and had a long friendship blow up rather spectacularly yesterday. I don't feel very likable at the moment, but I'll stop derailing this thread and start another.

The problem with getting my little man to help out is figuring out how to teach him. He's on the Autism Spectrum and has quite a few problems communicating and his understanding is limited. When trying to teach him to do the dishes I only tried because he showed interest in the bubble and I was giving him his plastic dishes to wash. On the plus side, he no longer wants my help cleaning his room, he puts his clothes straight in the hamper when he gets changed. I mean he's only been able to dress himself for the last 6 months so I still have plenty of time to show him how to keep a house clean. I think the next thing I'll teach him is how to dust.

[IndiReloaded]

That means if the dad is staying at home....he's gotta be the one cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids and everything else. This is fair. He can't be sitting on his azz waiting for wifey to come home and cook for him while he slept all day and watched tv.

I agree. It works both ways.

When I was 5 I had the following chores to do every week: clean the linoleum steps to the basement, dust and vacuum my room, change my sheets, do the dishes. As my hands were too small, I kept dropping slippery glasses when doing dishes. When I broke enough, I got a different chore. Even if your kid is age 5 they can do SOMETHING, like set the table, take out the garbage, etc.

Interesting. My son has started doing his own laundry (he's almost a teenager) and has to keep his room food and bug-free but that's about it. So long as he works hard in school I'm pretty content to let him cruise. Mbe this is a mistake. Like to hear other parents (esp Vashs) op on this one.

[vashti]

Interesting. My son has started doing his own laundry (he's almost a teenager) and has to keep his room food and bug-free but that's about it. So long as he works hard in school I'm pretty content to let him cruise. Mbe this is a mistake. Like to hear other parents (esp Vashs) op on this one.

I worked it out the same way you do... I never felt the need to make my son do mundane chores on a regular basis, once I was sure he knew how to do them, though he kept his room clean and did his own laundry. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to load the dishwasher and start it. His primary responsibility was school, and as you know, he was an exceptional student. The only thing I wish I had spent more time teaching him to do is how to cook.

I am slightly different with my daughter. She has chores assigned based on how much free time she has on her hands.

[IndiReloaded]

I worked it out the same way you do... I never felt the need to make my son do mundane chores on a regular basis, once I was sure he knew how to do them, though he kept his room clean and did his own laundry. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to load the dishwasher and start it. His primary responsibility was school, and as you know, he was an exceptional student. The only thing I wish I had spent more time teaching him to do is how to cook.

I am slightly different with my daughter. She has chores assigned based on how much free time she has on her hands.

Thanks. fyi - my son has done a couple cooking courses. He's pretty good and enjoys experimenting with food. He needs to get it someplace. I'm a decent, but only basic cook. I tend to follow recipes like a chemistry protocol.

[MaidenMinx]

I worked it out the same way you do... I never felt the need to make my son do mundane chores on a regular basis, once I was sure he knew how to do them, though he kept his room clean and did his own laundry. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to load the dishwasher and start it. His primary responsibility was school, and as you know, he was an exceptional student. The only thing I wish I had spent more time teaching him to do is how to cook.

I am slightly different with my daughter. She has chores assigned based on how much free time she has on her hands.

This has kinda been bugging me, but why the difference in attitude towards the sexes of your kids? Not wanting to seem critical, just curious...

[IndiReloaded]

Interesting. I didn't interpret it as having to do with gender at all. I just assumed it was b/c her son was more school-focussed and his time was spent on that.

[vashti]

This has kinda been bugging me, but why the difference in attitude towards the sexes of your kids? Not wanting to seem critical, just curious...

My son is very academically-focused. My daughter is an average student with a history of medical issues, and doesn't care to spend much time studying. I respect that they are different kids, and can't be treated the same. My daughter would die if I made her study like her brother does.

But trust me: she doesn't do all that much around the house, either. haha

[MaidenMinx]

My son is very academically-focused. My daughter is an average student with a history of medical issues, and doesn't care to spend much time studying. I respect that they are different kids, and can't be treated the same. My daughter would die if I made her study like her brother does.

But trust me: she doesn't do all that much around the house, either. haha

Aaaahh, I see. You sound like an awesome mum. :-)

I don't know why but I thought it was an expression of some antiquated ideal that women should be the ones to clean. Don't worry, I've face-palmed myself for my narrow thinking.

[vashti]

I don't know why but I thought it was an expression of some antiquated ideal that women should be the ones to clean.

Nah, not at all. Everyone should focus on what they excel in.

[MaidenMinx]

Nah, not at all. Everyone should focus on what they excel in.

Where is that thanks button...?