I messed up severely and want to fix things

[michelle23]

I dont think she will forgive you for shagging her best mate whether you were exclusive or not-everyone with a brain knows that is crossing a line. Put yourself in her shoes

[smackie9]

Ya doing a friend is way too close to home. It's a slap in the face drunken mistake or not.

[toknow]

"I'm afraid I have a rather binary view:

She refused to commit - therefore you didn't cheat. Stop apologising and start to defend yourself. "

I completely disagree. When you are with someone even if not verbally expressed, there is still an invisible bond between two people. The fact that he felt guilty shows they are more than just friends.
Now what you need to do is tell her how meaningless to you was what you did, that you weren't even into it (hopefully you weren't) and that you barely remember what you did if that was the case. That will help her a lot to deal with it. You shouldn't lie to her, but if this was meaningless to you and didn't mean anything to you she needs to know those details which are on your side ,and it will make some difference in the way she feels.

To help you see the difference imagine a scenario where, you were drunk, the girl tied you to the bed and slept with you and you weren't able to prevent it. If that had happened, she wouldn't have been mad at you, she might still feel bad about it, but she wouldn't blame you for it. So, your desire and how much into it you were matters a lot here. Use that honestly in your favor.

[michelle23]

He shouldn't be getting drunk and banging random girls in the first place. Even if he is single.. I don't understand how anyone can see sex as just a physical need like going to the toilet or eating bread. It should be more than that but whatever..

[Rowen]

He shouldn't be getting drunk and banging random girls in the first place. Even if he is single.. I don't understand how anyone can see sex as just a physical need like going to the toilet or eating bread. It should be more than that but whatever..

But he's not banging at random... It was ONE woman ONE time when he was drunk. I've never been drunk, but I've known plenty of people who have been. It does mess with the chemical/electrical messages of the brain. It's a drug... Don't be so quick to judge someone who had a few too many one time and made a mistake they obviously regret.

[smackie9]

Too many morality police in heeeeeeeer.


Hot in, so hot in here! So hot in, hot, oh!
With a little bit of, uh uh, and a little bit of, uh uh
Just a little bit of, just a little bit of,
Just a little bit of, just a little bit of

"It's getting hot in here, so hot, so take off all your clothes"

"I am, getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off"

-Nelly

[toknow]

Too many morality police in heeeeeeeer.

It's funny you were trying to say that what he did was ok, but instead your comment just confirmed that what he did was immoral.

[michelle23]

Well I do drink and I have not made that "mistake" lol im sure if i was presented with the opportunity to bang my bf best mate, somewhere in the back of my rink fueled brain-Id realize no this is wrong

[EEDEE]

People do make mistakes in life. Some choose to forgive some don't. What you can do as an individual is learn from those mistakes and ensure you don't do them again.

[Wakeup]

Well I do drink and I have not made that "mistake" lol im sure if i was presented with the opportunity to bang my bf best mate, somewhere in the back of my rink fueled brain-Id realize no this is wrong

It's your blanket statements that get you questioned, Michelle. "He shouldn't be Banging random girls" is what you said... which is not what he was doing... it was one girl and, he was given "permission" to do just what you said he shouldn't..Unfortunately he picked a non-random girl to do.


@ OP: she wouldn't commit to you and she told you to go bang other women. You're better off without her when she clearly didn't value you the way you valued her. Call this experience and learn that even when someone says to go bang other's they NEVER mean someone within their own circle. Human nature, it seems.

even though she didn't want it to be official we were extremely close and I thought she was my soul mate.

To my knowledge, "soul mates" want to commit to their other half. You're romanticising your relationship. You liked her more than she liked you and you gave her an excuse to end it so SHE didn't look like the bad guy. Accept it and move on without guilt. She didn't want what you wanted.

[michelle23]

It is random if its a one night stand. She could have been anyone.. Am I right?

[Wakeup]

... No .... he didn't bang a random girl.. he banged a friend... that's not random. (I edited and explained further... maybe you missed it?)

[michelle23]

lol what is the difference.. seriously! The point is it meant nothing and I think that is wrong.. Again, I am entitled to my opinion or do we have to do this again?

[Wakeup]

Like I said... it's your blanket statements that get your posts questioned... and, the fact that you say one thing and then proclaim to mean another when questioned.

[michelle23]

two blanket statements out of 300. Why do you even care anyway? I only throw out these careless statements when I think someone really has fu**ed up and there is no going back.