Originally Posted by
ChristianonLI
It's going to sound childish but I don't believe I need therapy. I just need to be right. And by right I mean my choice of my former wife as my soulmate. By right I mean the decision to marry her and plan a life of children and wedded bliss. The single thing that angers me the most about this is that she is happy without me. By being happy without me she is saying without words I wasn't good enough for her and that she found someone she regards as better. She is the one who is supposed to be alone and miserable, not me. She left me. She broke our vows and therefore she should be the one paying the consequences of such deceit, not me. In all this I am the victim yet because I am a man and not a woman I am the one who is required to become something better than what I am instead of just being good, honest and faithful. She wanted a man who was motivated and successful in life, not a man who is good at heart and devoted. Yet we are all told from day one that all we have to be is those things I was and still am to find true love. But it's a lie. Whether they admit it or not women just want a man who has enough money to support them so they can pop kids out and not be in the poor house. Look how many women stay with horrible, violent, cheating men because they are able to provide financially and then look how many good, honest and caring men are left by the wayside because they are poor or unsuccessful. I shouldn't have to work so hard just to achieve something as a prerequisite to acquiring love. Just by being me and me alone I should be able to find true love, but that is not the case. That will never be the case. And for this, I pray every day that my ex is punished horribly for leaving me. I pray that her soon to be new husband turns out to be abusive or cheats on her constantly or that she ends up infertile (considering how adamant she always was about having children). Something, anything. I want and need her to be miserable so that I might restart my life. By her being happy and me being miserable she has won and I have lost. I don't want to live the rest of my life as a mistake in her past. That just cannot be. I decided she was the one for me. It doesn't matter by what logic I decided it. Everyone determines their own reality in their own way and that thus becomes fact. Therefore this reality I now live in has to be false. Or at least a terrible nightmare I've yet to wake up from.
I'm not pointing blame at you, I'm just trying to help you get things together. She's gone. You have to do what you need to do to accept that. She's not coming back, at least it doesn't sound like it.
when was the last time you had contact with her? You need to cut off ALL contact with her. Go get a makeover, start working out if you aren't already. Do things that will help you restore confidence in yourself. If you want her back, she certainly wouldn't come back to you in your current state of mind, you sound miserable. I'm not trying to be harsh here, I'm just being honest.
no links in signatures, mmmk?