Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship?

[VincenzoG91]

There are four possible outcomes:

1. You leave him. But you don't seem to consider that an option.
2. He leaves you. But he seems happy enough with the relationship. He gets his way, and if he doesn't, he is free to abuse you until he feels better about himself.
3. He changes. But that won't happen, because he is happy the way he is.
4. You change.

So if you're not willing to leave him, then you need to make the best of a bad situation by just accepting it. Take all the abuse that he gives you, because at least somebody is paying some attention to you. Accept playing second fiddle to the dog, because that's just how it's going to be in this relationship. Sure, the dog will die long before you do, but he can always get another dog. You, however, cannot have a cat, even though you want one. So stop whining and just accept your sorry lot in life, because that's what you have chosen for yourself.

[Wakeup]

I am the type of person who needs a lot of support, since I haven't had a ton, outside of my parents, my whole life. I really don't see why I need to have perfect justification as to why I keep asking for advice. I just need it.
@Wakeup, I'm just going to ignore you after this - I've never heard of someone complaining that a user has exceeded the "proper" amount of threads. Someone is quite a stalker aren't they? If you don't like that I am trying to get all the info and input I need to feel comfortable, then go away, don't say anything, leave me alone. It's pointless and idiotic to "argue" about this. I do not have experience being in an emotionally abusive relationship, which is exactly why I asked if I am in one now.

I only have one female friend, whom I rarely get to see since she's very busy with work and school. I also don't want to just dump all of this on her, it seems unfair to her. I don't have a very close relationship with my mom, so I don't feel quite okay talking to her about this.

Hope that clears up things.
Thanks for your advice.

What do you get out of arguing with someone when they show you yourself in a mirror? The point is, you aren't improving anything by just coming here and venting. Do you want to stay in this non-loving invironment? Do your parents suggest you stay in your non-loving invironment? Do you enjoy the sympathy and when i don't give it to you, it makes you angry that rather than empathize I actually give you concrete advise on ways to leave your lot behind and get the help you need to learn how to love yourself enough to leave a man who is awful?

Just what about the truth irks you the most, Hourglass? Does the thought of leaving him scare you that much that suggesting it to you gives you anxiety? If it does there are womens groups, group councelling and help support groups for women who are being abused and are too afraid to be alone to leave. You can even join Co-dependents Support Groups online that can help you. Perhaps you'll even learn to live with your hell without complaint ~ a solitary life with the man you are addicted to.

BTW: What kind of support do you feel you're getting from people here that tell you to leave him? What comfort does that constant advice give you, Hour? Everyone here has suggested it. In all three of your threads.

I do not have experience being in an emotionally abusive relationship, which is exactly why I asked if I am in one now.

And having the knowledge that you are in one does what for you? Do you now have the information you need (a label) to give you a reason to leave him. What? His actions of unloving indifference and hurtful, disrespectful words aren't reason enough for you to go?

[Wakeup]

http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/codependency.htm

http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/types/adult-separation-anxiety

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Nurturing_and_Caring_For_Your_Inner_Child_How_to_H eal_Emotionally_and_Master_the_Art_of_Self-love.html#post-new-comment

http://www.coda.org/

http://www.mediate.com/articles/eddyB6.cfm

In them meantime while you stay and take what you're given perhaps reading whats in the above links will help you get more strengh to realize that you can't change him, but you certainly can change yourself and all you need is the wisdom to know you can't change him and that he wont' change and the courage to change who you can ~ You.

Over and out!

[IndiReloaded]

The last line is the best:

" I'm an asshole and never going to change "

^This. Dump him and come back and tell us how good it felt.

Thanks for stopping by and playing.

[TablesandChairs]

I understand that you have no support system, no job, no money. Dumping him is easier said than done; you can't just walk out this second and sleep in a park. So, you can do the following:

a) put all your energy into finding a job. b) start distancing yourself; stop complaining about the dog, about your boyfriends behavior...in other words, just smile and nod and accept it (for the time being). c) once you have a bit saved up, organize to stay somewhere and leave.

Your other option; tell him how you feel and ask for a compromise. Ask to be listened to and taken seriously. Of course, it seems you've tried that...and it seems he's told you he will never change. Unfortunately, there are no other magical solutions. A jerk is a jerk and a woman willing to put up with it is a sad creature. Or will eventually become one.