Marriage falling apart out of nowhere

[smackie9]

We really can't determine that, we don't know what has truly happened during the course of their relationship.

[Wakeup]

I think it’s possible to fall in love with someone who hides who they really are for selfish reasons … and when the new wares off and you find them in bed with someone else … the hurt is real because the love was real for you. The person you fell in love with was never real to begin with. If that’s true in your case, time will get you through it and learn how to get past the ”Love is blind” part of a relationship … learn to ask the right questions to get to really know that other person. You deserve something better.

Yes.. there are self-absorbed, ego driven, insecure creitens with low self-worth out there that are disingenuous about who they are and play women (or men) as a lifestyle.

We really can't determine that, we don't know what has truly happened during the course of their relationship.

No different then coming to the conclusion that women cheat (op's wife?) because they are emotionally unfulfilled without knowing what went on in their relationship but answers are being offered on that.

[bcgirl]

The part where she is obviously in love with him however I can't agree with. A 10 day relationship isn't love. It's sex. In some ways that makes it worse. I'd rather she loved him.

You are right. It's not love. It's infactuation and sex. It ain't love after 10 days. The fact that she has to apologize to a guy she knew for 10 days after you found out and were upset speaks wonders to her character. It also says that she has some level of emotional tie to this guy. And a somewhat strong one if she was willing to talk to him when this whole thing blew up and poor hubby had to witness that. She is pretty much sayin.. Sh!t my cover is blown, but I rather my affair not be mad at me that my own hubby.
From someone who used to cheat and never had an emotional tie to the other guy, it was very easy for me to never need to talk to the affair ever again. If my bf had a tiny hunch something was off...number of the affair was blocked, email was blocked and I would never care or give the audacity to say a good bye. To the affair, I literally fell off the face of the planet. The fact that she talked to her affair afterwards means it ain't just sex.

[Wakeup]

yea... the emotional tie was tethered directly to her vagina.

[bcgirl]

yea... the emotional tie was tethered directly to her vagina.

Considering the age they are and her hubby was probably one of her first sexual experiences, she is probably curious about other meat. That's why it's never a good idea to get married too young with lack of sexual experience and relationship experience in general. Curiosity killed the cat. Or should I say pu$$y. And what could have been a one night stand to try other meat without hubby knowing ended up sloppy with hubby finding out because she got all emotional with the sex.

[smackie9]

Considering the age they are and her hubby was probably one of her first sexual experiences

There are still people around like that??

[bcgirl]

They met when she was 22. At 22 I doubt anyone knows what they really want

[IndiReloaded]

There are still people around like that??

Yes, there are.

Good morning Dorney. Sorry to be entering your thread this late in. Welcome to the forum.

First I am very sorry for your situation. It's a million-mile drop from the pinnacle of love to where you are. To have gone through so much together and have your partner throw it away like this is beyond tragic. I'm sorry.

Regarding advice, first, I would take some time away from her to try to get the emotions under control. This will let you think about your situation and options more clearly. Go away for a week or two if you can.

Then, I would start asking myself if you can ever really conceive of a future with her. Be honest and make your decision. For some (myself included) this kind of a betrayal is a deal-breaker. If this is so, then you need to start doing the things that will separate your lives. Get a lawyer, make things happen.

As for her reasons, that is a separate concern. You are discussing getting closure, perhaps so you can avoid making the same mistake again, but personally I don't think that's a productive route for you. As other's have said, she made the choice to sleep with a man not her husband. You weren't consulted. This kind of decision carries a consequence and you should allow her to experience it.

Find a lady who will accept you for who you are and what you offer, freely and with integrity. She is out there, but you need to get your present house in order before you can find her.

I wish you peace and happiness in your future.

[angel31]

I sympathize with you but I feel like you should talk to her again and see what going on. If she said she cheated due to boredom, etc then maybe you need to question what you was doing wrong.

These past few days all my friends have turned on me because I slept with my friends Ex who she was in love with supposedly, I mean as if my happiness doesnt matter. People can be so selfish.

Best of luck.

****ing classic! She cheats, and it's his fault.

What HE was doing wrong? If your spouse is doing something wrong, you talk to them about it, go to counseling, at worst, divorce them, but you dont cheat. Even if he was the worst husband in the world, nothing justifies her behavior. And...as if your happiness doesn't matter? People can be so selfish? Were you thinking about your "friend" when you slept with her ex? Um..no, I guess not. I guess you were being selfish and thinking about YOU. If you care so little about HER feelings that you'd spread your legs for someone she's in love with, what do you care if they talk to you or not? You arn't a real friend and I totally agree. I'd want nothing to do with someone who could be so selfish and cold and do something so tasteless. They are better off...at least they found out what you were really about before you had a chance to spread yourself around to the rest of their men! Is it your fault that he doesn't want her and wants you? no, you're right on at least that one point, but is it your fault that you stabbed your "friend" in the back and got naked with a man she loves? Yes, I belive it is. So, not only is she hurt because someone she loves doesnt love her, but she is also hurt because she thought you were her friend and you so thoroughly betrayed her. Your situation is NOTHING like this guys. HE was done wrong by his cheating wife. You on the other hand DID wrong by betraying a friend in the worst way! You deserve what you're getting from your friends. Learn from it and the next time you're lucky enough to find women that want to waste their time on you, keep it in your pants when you're around men they care about! Tasteless!

[IndiReloaded]

Ah, okay. You are referring to the gal who slept with her friend's ex. Yes, that's generally a pretty crap thing to do unless her friend is completely over her ex. Even still, most wouldn't go there.

Agree that the OPs situation is very different. What happened is NOT his fault. That said, relationship issues never happen in a vacuum. I suspect this is a case of 'young and dumb' when they married. Happens.

[smackie9]

Sounds like fruitssss

[angel31]

I sympathize with you but I feel like you should talk to her again and see what going on. If she said she cheated due to boredom, etc then maybe you need to question what you was doing wrong.

These past few days all my friends have turned on me because I slept with my friends Ex who she was in love with supposedly, I mean as if my happiness doesnt matter. People can be so selfish.

Best of luck.

****ing classic! She cheats, and it's his fault.

Is it me, or is this^ post incoherent? Who are you referring to in this post, Angel? You seem confused.

Try using the quote feature if you are addressing more than one poster in your response.

LOL...my post was only directed at the girl trying to make this post all about her, which should have been clear by the fact that I quoted her post first, then posted mine. I did mess up at first (just joined this forum today) and deleted my original post that didn't quote her. I guess you saw the first one before I deleted and used the quote feature.

[angel31]

I've had it done to me and yes, it's beyond a "crap thing to do" it can be heart breaking. When I was 16 I dated a friends ex, but even then I ASKED her first. I wouldn't want my friends sloppy seconds in adulthood. If you can't get your own man, that says something on its own. Leave others alone. Even if he doesn't want her anymore, that doesn't make it ok for you to be slutty.

[HeartIsAching]

What HE was doing wrong? If your spouse is doing something wrong, you talk to them about it, go to counseling, at worst, divorce them, but you dont cheat. Even if he was the worst husband in the world, nothing justifies her behavior. And...as if your happiness doesn't matter? People can be so selfish? Were you thinking about your "friend" when you slept with her ex? Um..no, I guess not. I guess you were being selfish and thinking about YOU. If you care so little about HER feelings that you'd spread your legs for someone she's in love with, what do you care if they talk to you or not? You arn't a real friend and I totally agree. I'd want nothing to do with someone who could be so selfish and cold and do something so tasteless. They are better off...at least they found out what you were really about before you had a chance to spread yourself around to the rest of their men! Is it your fault that he doesn't want her and wants you? no, you're right on at least that one point, but is it your fault that you stabbed your "friend" in the back and got naked with a man she loves? Yes, I belive it is. So, not only is she hurt because someone she loves doesnt love her, but she is also hurt because she thought you were her friend and you so thoroughly betrayed her. Your situation is NOTHING like this guys. HE was done wrong by his cheating wife. You on the other hand DID wrong by betraying a friend in the worst way! You deserve what you're getting from your friends. Learn from it and the next time you're lucky enough to find women that want to waste their time on you, keep it in your pants when you're around men they care about! Tasteless!

Wasn't blaming the OP, I was lamenting the fact that the previous poster was.

[IndiReloaded]

I've had it done to me and yes, it's beyond a "crap thing to do" it can be heart breaking. When I was 16 I dated a friends ex, but even then I ASKED her first. I wouldn't want my friends sloppy seconds in adulthood. If you can't get your own man, that says something on its own. Leave others alone. Even if he doesn't want her anymore, that doesn't make it ok for you to be slutty.

Not everyone shares your POV, just so you know. Some feel that once a relationship ends, they are free to see whomever they wish. Something about relationships not implying ownership of another.