after 2 years, no marriage plan, what's next?

[yellowjasmin]

And ultimately I believe the man has to decide when the time is right.

I like the way your thinking goes. However, i've heard from some guy friends that you gotta push somehow because most men will never be ready. Most men aren't ready until the age of 35 or over, ect.. but most women are ready by age of 25 and older. What if in a relationship a guy is, let's say, 3 yrs younger than his gf, and by the age of 30 she feels like time is not waiting for her. Should this be a situation where the man has to decide?

[shh!]

Originally Posted by clynn
And ultimately I believe the man has to decide when the time is right.


I think each person has to decide that the time is right, and most women can't afford to wait around for ten years to see if the guy is ever going to be ready, assuming she is interested in having kids and wishes to be married before doing so. That is why women are "pushy" about the marriage bit. If a woman waits until she is after the age of 35 to get pregnant, the chances of having problem pregnancies in greatly increased, assumning of course she can even GET pregnant. There is definitely an optimal time period (physically) to be pregnant.

[clynn]

However, i've heard from some guy friends that you gotta push somehow because most men will never be ready.

Yes, I've heard this lots too! So, perhaps it is a balance of patience and push. . . .

[Pears]

I've had a former boyfriend that was so scared of marriage that when I merely asked him about it, he ran from me. He regretted leaving me after that.

I don't think ultimatums are a good idea. However, I do know that they will make a guy think hard about the girl and the relationship.

I used to worry about getting married, but now I don't care about it as much. If I marry, I'd want it to be with someone I will get along with for the rest of time. Of course, I can know that for sure. Perhaps I won't get married until very late in life.

Many people make promises and say "I'll marry you" or "Love forever" but those phrases don't mean anything. People change and those phrases can disappear before you know it and you can't do anything about it.

Is it really fair for couples to make promises when they are getting married? What if some people like to keep promises? They are really giving away some of their freedom with ultimatums such as loving only one person forever.

When couples divorce, those promises turn to nothing. What is the point of promising people things when they will be broken later?

Maybe no one should get married.

[doll69]

See guys, that's why I advocate seeing more than one person at a time. If the guys knew they had competition, they'll be rushing to 'pop the question' (if they know you're the right one, that is)

[Mish]

See guys, that's why I advocate seeing more than one person at a time. If the guys knew they had competition, they'll be rushing to 'pop the question' (if they know you're the right one, that is)

Why not be the first one to try this out? Bury yourself in trust issues in every one of your relationships and see where that road takes you

[Only-virgins]

I don't think anyone has the right to push anyone to do anything they do not want to do.

[daisy]

What for do you need marriage? It's not so necessary I think.

[shh!]

What for do you need marriage? It's not so necessary I think.

Completely unnecessary I agree, unless one wants to have children. Then marriage is the closest thing to a guarantee you can get that the father intends to stick around long enough to help raise them.

I have also been considering that marriage appears to be beneficial both physically and spiritually to the elderly.

It's all that time in between having children and dying I'm not so sure about...

[TAVS]

But do the elderly need a marriage certificate to have that experience? What does the legal contract have to do with it?

[shh!]

I guess it is more likely that when one gets sick, the other is more likely to help care for them. Also, studies show that married men live longer than unmarried ones. THere are also economic benefits to being married...

[yellowjasmin]

this might sound silly, but i really do think marriage is more for women's mental security. I have not met any women that say she doesn't want to get married one day. although, sometimes I think marriage is overrated I still think it's somewhat a big step for couples to take to show commitment to each other.
And I don't get it, if you love someone, why would marriage scare you away from that person? Maybe marriage can be a measurement for how much you love a person?

[Gigabitch]

I guess it is more likely that when one gets sick, the other is more likely to help care for them. Also, studies show that married men live longer than unmarried ones. THere are also economic benefits to being married...

I think marriage can be a bad deal for the wife. Studies also show that married women live shorter lives than unmarried women. I guess we know where the men are getting that extra life from.

It's also about ten times easier to get into a marriage than out of one.

There are benefits, though. There's a certain amount of security, especially if something bad were to happen to the man.

I guess marriage is about protecting your loved ones.

[shh!]

I think marriage can be a bad deal for the wife. Studies also show that married women live shorter lives than unmarried women. I guess we know where the men are getting that extra life from.

The statistics I've seen say that both men and women live longer when married:

_ Marriage prolongs life. In a study published earlier this year, Waite and another researcher found that for both men and women, marriage lengthens the life span. This benefit increases with the duration of the union. Married men live, on average, 10 years longer than nonmarried men, and married women live about four years longer than nonmarried women. Married men live longer because they adopt less risky, more healthy lifestyles as a result of the commitment brought on by marriage, and married women live longer due to improved financial well-being as a result of marriage.

[url]http://chronicle.uchicago.edu/950928/waite.sidebar.shtml[/url]

However, since I am married (and have been for a long time by today's standards), I'm not sure I agree. I know there are plenty of days I feel the life is being sucked right out of me!

[Pears]

And I don't get it, if you love someone, why would marriage scare you away from that person? Maybe marriage can be a measurement for how much you love a person?

I think that no one loves anyone else the total 100%. There's always something you don't like about someone else, even if it's 0.000000000000001% of who he or she is. That is why marriage may be scary. No one wants to commit themselves 100% to someone they don't love 100%.