well, we spoke last night. I went by her house and we sat outside for hours talking about us. first she cleared up that she is not dating anyone and not going out for booty calls or having sex with guys. she wants a nice guy and a serious relationship.
she said she feels very bad that I am hurting and she wants to see me happy. she cried and told me that I have been the best person to ever enter her life and she appreciates my friendship to no end, but as far as us being together, she just doesnt see me like that anymore. it was nothing I did, she just doesnt see a click. I told her why it is difficult for me, because we are extremely close and each others other half. she agreed. she started to cry alot when I told her that I was hurting as much as I am. I mean I knew how she felt and she knew I was hurting, but I guess she didnt know to what extreme
We have been getting along so good, and she has been a great friend so this is hard to do, but I know I have to be strong and toughen up. she respects anything I decide to do but she told me she would love for us to be as close as we are if that is possible for me to handle.

I never realized how much she cares for me and my feelings. she texted me when I got home to see if I was ok and to tell me if i ever needed to talk or felt bad she is always here for me no matter what.
I have to move on but its natural for me to have that hope that she will change her mind. I told her that I am that nice guy that she could settle down with and marry and she cried. I wont lie and say I waill not continue to hope, but I dont expect either and I know I have to move on. I am not as strong as some people so this is very very difficult. I love her, and I am hurting.