OMG guys, I just had an epiphany on love while replying to posts!

[Ugly_Swan]

Also--

@ RobertWQ :

Thank you so much! I'm shocked at how you understood me so well and am surprised that you think I'm intelligent just from this post alone (?) >.<

Thanks for essentially standing up for me in the thread =P

As an aside, I didn't even get fazed by posters' insults or rudeness or whatever it was, because I kinda expected it -.- judging from other threads haha

[RobertWQ]

You're welcome and yes, it's quite clear from your posts and analysis. I think you might benefit from being around other smart, sensitive people. They may operate more on your wavelength you'll find. In other words, they will be similarly sensitive and similarly reflective.

[Ugly_Swan]

You're welcome and yes, it's quite clear from your posts and analysis. I think you might benefit from being around other smart, sensitive people. They may operate more on your wavelength you'll find. In other words, they will be similarly sensitive and similarly reflective.

Hmmm, alright, I'll try to go to events where I can meet like-minded people to diversify my social circle a it more. Won't help with the subject of the thread, of course, but might bring me some satisfaction. Thank you ^.^

[RobertWQ]

Well, you've realized that most love isn't permanent. But the experience of it will probably be better if you are meeting people who are more on your level in terms of sensitivity and intellectual disposition.

[Ugly_Swan]

Well, you've realized that most love isn't permanent. But the experience of it will probably be better if you are meeting people who are more on your level in terms of sensitivity and intellectual disposition.

You think so? Won't it be too much drama if both people are sensitive?

[michelle23]

I was posting how nothing feels as good as romance, so when I get into a relationship it becomes the centre of my world, and also about how nothing is a sure thing so it's bad to trust, etc.

And just now it hit me:

MAYBE...the "love" feels so good because I/we project our ideals and expectations of it being safe and secure and permanent. Books/movies/etc. kinda reinforce that false belief. BUT if you accept that no relationship is forever and that you can't REALLY trust that person--the "love"/relationship becomes less appealing and it no longer feels as good--because you don't mistake it for something amazing (which it isn't). And that way you can avoid getting overly attached, etc.

Please comment/give your thoughts/discuss/debate...

If you believe the disney films, books, love stories on tv etc then you will never be happy. Most love stories only focus on the beginning of a new relationship. The infatuation, the butterflies, excitement, walking on a cloud etc..

A lot of people think as soon as that infatuation ends that something is wrong coz they dont feel crazy anymore and have insane lust etc. They stop having obsessive thoughts and anxiety which is totally normal in order to move onto the next stage of bonding but a lot of people think "shit somethings wrong, we gotta break up"-normally within the first two years.. ive been there myself which is the only reason i understand it lol but i got through it and am so crazy in love now, not infatuated-in REAL love and i love it

My favourite love story of all time which makes me cry everytime i watch it and ive seen it 100 times is ps i love you. It focuses on what happens way after the honeymoon period, the ups and downs and how a strong couple lasts etc.

They should really start teaching this stuff in school. "The difference between infatuation and love". Theres a reason whybor grandparents lasted 50 years or more with their first and only love and its coz they didnt watch all the confusing crap we were brought up watching

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[HeartIsAching]

It's true. Love may feel good but it's no more significant than a rumbling feeling in your stomach. It's still ultimately just a series of emotions to motivate you to carry out a biological function (reproduction and raising kiddies).

Again, that's not love. It's infatuation.

[Rowen]

Real love means you actually know your partner for who they are, warts and all... and love them to pieces anyhow.

^ So very true. It's to give and not get, never to change them for your own desires.

[Ugly_Swan]

If you believe the disney films, books, love stories on tv etc then you will never be happy. Most love stories only focus on the beginning of a new relationship. The infatuation, the butterflies, excitement, walking on a cloud etc..

A lot of people think as soon as that infatuation ends that something is wrong coz they dont feel crazy anymore and have insane lust etc. They stop having obsessive thoughts and anxiety which is totally normal in order to move onto the next stage of bonding but a lot of people think "shit somethings wrong, we gotta break up"-normally within the first two years.. ive been there myself which is the only reason i understand it lol but i got through it and am so crazy in love now, not infatuated-in REAL love and i love it

My favourite love story of all time which makes me cry everytime i watch it and ive seen it 100 times is ps i love you. It focuses on what happens way after the honeymoon period, the ups and downs and how a strong couple lasts etc.

They should really start teaching this stuff in school. "The difference between infatuation and love". Theres a reason whybor grandparents lasted 50 years or more with their first and only love and its coz they didnt watch all the confusing crap we were brought up watching

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See, that's the love I want--but I still haven't managed to get nay relationship to that stage =( I've been too unstable/overly-emotional and kept ruining everything. Or maybe it was subconscious self-sabotage because I didn't want it yet.. Sigh, I don't know.

[basilandthyme]

You think so? Won't it be too much drama if both people are sensitive?

Someone who's not so sensitive wouldn't tolerate the drama to start with. Generally speaking, well balanced people seek partners who are positive and stable in their outlook on life and love.

[4 ratties]

I'm going to say how love and my thoughts of it are cuz u said u wanted debate and thoughts.
I'm a 23 year old female. My first relationship was 3 years ago and it only lasted for four months. My second relationship that I am in now has been going on for over 13 months and we have been living together for 8 months.

Love isn't everything to me. It never has been. And I thank god for that. I am a very independent person. I was an only child til I was 13 but I had a lonely life because of parent problems , so I've always counted on myself to love myself and entertain myself and meet my own needs. I'm so glad I didn't go the other way and look for a boy to fill my needs and get pregnant at 14.
When I'm with a boyfriend I don't think "were going to be together forever" because it's probably not practical. But we COuLD be together a really long time. If we break up its because we weren't happy anymore so I wouldn't be sad. Life is so long. Even if u just have a great short year long relationship with someone and then broke up, at least u had a good time for a year and probably learned a few lessons about what u want in your next mate.
To never seek out love because it won't be forever is very sad and against human nature. We are not meant to live by ourselves. God wanted us to make a family, whatever that means to the individual. But families include more than one person.
So my advice is don't put pressure on a relationship seeming like it needs to last forever and don't think its pointless if it's not going to last forever. enjoy every day u have with them and that's not a waste.

[4 ratties]

Getting a new pet, changing my hair style, etc makes me just as happy as finding a new boyfriend

[TablesandChairs]

I think if we go into a relationship thinking it will 'save', then we're destined for failure. That puts a lot of pressure on the partner because obsessiveness often translates as someone who is needy, clingy, never satiated, jealous, insecure...and so forth.

I was probably like that in my first relationship - I expected him to be a father, boyfriend and 'God' at the same time. But I was a teenager then. I now go into relationships hoping for the best but keeping in mind that nothing in life is guaranteed.

[toknow]

Getting a new pet, changing my hair style, etc makes me just as happy as finding a new boyfriend

ROFL....that is ridiculous and has nothing to do with love.

If you don't understand love at least stop marginalizing it.

[michelle23]

See, that's the love I want--but I still haven't managed to get nay relationship to that stage =( I've been too unstable/overly-emotional and kept ruining everything. Or maybe it was subconscious self-sabotage because I didn't want it yet.. Sigh, I don't know.

Thats why a few sessions of therapy will do you good. You should also research co dependency in detail-even join co dependants anonymous etc.. you need to be emotionally stable, independant and confident if you want a healthy lasting relationship.

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