what do men think about this?

[ShellyZ]

Maybe this should be the pitbull and rottweiler forum

I love them both.

[Wakeup]

"and thats why "some" women prefer to wait."

[Wakeup]

Gold diggers usually target celebrities or other very rich men, because they're after millions of dollars. Gold diggers don't go after average guys just to get a free dinner on weekends.

My god are you naive.

How is it a "guise"? She's being sincere. She truly believes that not having sex for now will allow them to get to know each other on a deeper level. Besides, if she doesn't want to have sex, then she's not denying herself anything.

SHE's already had sex with him. stopping sex will not help her to get to know him any better if he leaves her ass for not knowing how to control herself and doing it first and then wanting to stop and learn more about him. Are you listening to what the men are saying here. You are not going to change the psychology of men just becuse you think they should be okay with some mixed up chick who goes "whoops" after she's already opened the barn door.

I wish anyone who does this then wants to stop the best of luck in getting a guy to agree and actully still continue to be interested in her. I don't think she'd have much luck with most men. Not because she's now withholding but more because she's mixed up and and mixed up is kinda scary in the realm of sex and relationships. IMHO.

[DannyH]

It would depend on when and how we met. Like if it was in a decent relationship and sex happened once and I was actually in to the women it wouldn't bother me since I was in the relationship not just for the sex. Now if the women was just one of those random hookups who got passed the one night then it I would be put off guard but I highly doubt the conversation would ever come up in that situation

[ShellyZ]

"and thats why "some" women prefer to wait."

Yes, that's what I meant.

SHE's already had sex with him. stopping sex will not help her to get to know him any better if he leaves her ass for not knowing how to control herself and doing it first and then wanting to stop and learn more about him. Are you listening to what the men are saying here. You are not going to change the psychology of men just becuse you think they should be okay with some mixed up chick who goes "whoops" after she's already opened the barn door.

Well, I was hoping that I could at least help the guys understand that the OP and girls like her are not trying to be manipulative and play games, which is what many guys assume when a woman says no to sex. Really, I don't understand why anyone wouldn't be OK with an honest "whoops" like this. Why is it such a big deal? So the girl got a little carried away one night and then came to her senses later. Doesn't seem like such a terrible crime to me. Are all men really so unforgiving that they can't allow for a little confusion initially? Relationships and emotions can be confusing for men and women. Sometimes people do things they regret, sometimes people make mistakes. Are these guys so perfect that they've never made a mistake, they've never been confused about a girl? Do they always have perfect self-control, and so they can't tolerate a girl who does not always have perfect self-control? If they're going to dump a girl just because she didn't do things in the "right" order, then they're not boyfriend material. Sex is not the point of no return.

I wish anyone who does this then wants to stop the best of luck in getting a guy to agree and actully still continue to be interested in her. I don't think she'd have much luck with most men. Not because she's now withholding but more because she's mixed up and and mixed up is kinda scary in the realm of sex and relationships.

Everyone is mixed up a little when they start dating someone new. This kind of mistake is so minor, I don't see how it could be an indication that the girl is too mixed up to be in a relationship. Imagine if this were something other than sex. Let's say the girl goes out one night and gets drunk and feels really sick. The next day she decides that she doesn't want to drink like that anymore because it makes her feel awful. Would her boyfriend say "You can't get drunk once and then change your mind and decide you don't want to get drunk anymore. That's too confusing for me and it shows that you're severely mixed up and out of control. Now that you've made this mistake once, you have to keep making it, because there's no going back." I certainly hope he wouldn't have that attitude.

But this is different because it's sex, right? You can't take sex away from a guy, that's just plain mean. It's like showing a child a puppy and then taking it away. Then the kid would cry and have a tantrum and stomp off to sulk in the corner. And apparently this is what guys do when a girl says she doesn't want to have sex again yet. Except we expect that kind of behavior from toddlers. From grown men, it's just inappropriate.

[Wakeup]

You're projecting what YOU think. Which is fine, but men and women hardly ever think alike on these types of issues so it's up to a gal to know herself and what she needs to do to not regret her decisions. It's called having personal boundaries and not letting yourself cross them. I doubt that you, me and any other woman on a forum board going to get them to change the way they think.

Perhaps I have more testosterone than you or the OP because I know that if a guy I'm into made love to me and then turned around and said I think we should stop so that we can get to know each other without sex clouding the issue i would think he was gay and just used me to figure himself out, was waiting until his sores healed until initiationg again or, wasn't confident enough in himself and that would make him no longer attractive to me.

But this is different because it's sex, right? You can't take sex away from a guy, that's just plain mean. It's like showing a child a puppy and then taking it away. Then the kid would cry and have a tantrum and stomp off to sulk in the corner. And apparently this is what guys do when a girl says she doesn't want to have sex again yet. Except we expect that kind of behavior from toddlers. From grown men, it's just inappropriate.

Just because that's the way you are interpreting their not wanting to or, would unlikely be okay with what OP proposes, that way does not mean that that is what they are doing or thinking.

We're entitled to wait until we're ready to proceed just as they're entitled to Next us if they aren't willing to wait or go and then stop. I do know that a man will wait for a woman to be ready (prior to having ever done it) if he respects her and they are on the same page as far as dating goals are concerned.


Peace... Nice back and forthing with you.

[ShellyZ]

Perhaps I have more testosterone than you or the OP because I know that if a guy I'm into made love to me and then turned around and said I think we should stop so that we can get to know each other without sex clouding the issue i would think he was gay and just used me to figure himself out, was waiting until his sores healed until initiationg again or, wasn't confident enough in himself and that would make him no longer attractive to me.

Yeah, you do kind of sound like a man when you say that. Sometimes people mean what they say. If someone is being sincere and you don't believe them, it's your own fault. And then you miss out on a caring, sincere, thoughtful person, because you jumped to the wrong conclusion.

[abn25]

I was going to pipe in earlier but Shelly was doing such a great job at replying for me it seemed fruitless! Quite entertaining by the way too..

Since everyone assumes this is me we're talking about I guess Ill set it straight. To be honest, we actually both know we moved too fast to begin with. As long if you are honest with the person as I clearly stated in my title, there should be no confusion and it actually prevents further problems down the road ( peoples feelings getting hurt or misinterpreted etc). As far as being "mixed up", its the exact opposite when you recognize a potential problem and know what you want with your partner, guy or girl early on. As far as the guys are concerned (and apparently some women too??), i can see if you DIDNT explain anythng it might be wierd, but as Shelly states, it would be either persons right to do so, so I dont quite get the entitlement attitude seen here. Anyways, really surprised by the negative responses but it does shed some light into the very closed way of thinking some people have and thats a given.
If anyone else is bewildered by this it may be because I am talking about a adult relationship and thats what adults do, they talk. BTW I like pits and rotties too, just not when I feel "attacked"...lol

[surfhb]

But this is different because it's sex, right? You can't take sex away from a guy, that's just plain mean. It's like showing a child a puppy and then taking it away. Then the kid would cry and have a tantrum and stomp off to sulk in the corner. And apparently this is what guys do when a girl says she doesn't want to have sex again yet. Except we expect that kind of behavior from toddlers. From grown men, it's just inappropriate.

I think its fairly clear you dont understand men. No offense....sorry if Im wrong....just an observation.

As far as the guys are concerned (and apparently some women too??), i can see if you DIDNT explain anythng it might be wierd, but as Shelly states, it would be either persons right to do so, so I dont quite get the entitlement attitude seen here. Anyways, really surprised by the negative responses but it does shed some light into the very closed way of thinking some people have and thats a given.
If anyone else is bewildered by this it may be because I am talking about a adult relationship and thats what adults do, they talk. BTW I like pits and rotties too, just not when I feel "attacked"...lol

Nice! Way to judge! What negative responses? Oh! The ones you didnt agree with? Its not about being entitled, as you put it. I just happen to think you and your guy's behavior is just plain bizarre. BTW....dont think in a million years your man is onboard with this one.....LOL!

If we had sex and you turned around and said we should now wait, Id probably consider you kind of unbalanced with no self control.

what do men think about this?

If you slept together too soon, but have decided to pull away and stop how do you view this? Does it seem like a game if you are honest with them about it?

IMH ( and immature) O and Just saying

[ShellyZ]

Dude, you were wrong. Get over it.

[smackie9]

I have always jumped right in there with the sex because I wanted it, and it made no difference on the out come of the relationship. So waiting is a load. Sex and love are two different things. Sex is always certain, but love isn't no matter what you do.

[smackie9]

I feel if a girl has to say "we had sex too soon, we should wait", she is too immature to be in a relationship.

[smackie9]

If we had sex and you turned around and said we should now wait, Id probably consider you kind of unbalanced with no self control.

I agree! and no he ain't wrong with this.

[ShellyZ]

I feel if a girl has to say "we had sex too soon, we should wait", she is too immature to be in a relationship.

Luckily, you don't decide when other people should have sex in their relationships. I happen to think waiting for sex is a very mature thing to do, but if you like to jump right into bed with guys, I'm not going to stop you. Not everyone does relationships the same way you do. It doesn't mean they're immature, it just means they made different choices. And perhaps they have too much self-respect to sleep around.

dont think in a million years your man is onboard with this one

He's wrong about this. The OP has said that she discussed this with her man and he understands and they are both on the same page. Look, she found a guy who doesn't have the emotional capacity of a 6-year-old! Isn't it amazing?

If we had sex and you turned around and said we should now wait, Id probably consider you kind of unbalanced with no self control.

We already discussed this. Changing your mind about sex does not indicate that a person is unbalanced or has no self-control. As I pointed out earlier, if a girl changed her mind about something else (something other than sex), it would not be an issue for the guy. So a girl changing her mind about sex shouldn't be an issue for the guy either. People change their minds all the time. It's part of being human; it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. The negative response in this thread indicates that some people believe it should not be acceptable for women to say no to sex. But it IS acceptable, so deal with it. Or find a woman who can be coerced into sex; I'm sure there are plenty of those.

[surfhb]

He's wrong about this. The OP has said that she discussed this with her man and he understands and they are both on the same page. Look, she found a guy who doesn't have the emotional capacity of a 6-year-old! Isn't it amazing?

LOL .... ***Hand Slapping Forehead***

We already discussed this. Changing your mind about sex does not indicate that a person is unbalanced or has no self-control. As I pointed out earlier, if a girl changed her mind about something else (something other than sex), it would not be an issue for the guy. So a girl changing her mind about sex shouldn't be an issue for the guy either. People change their minds all the time. It's part of being human; it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. The negative response in this thread indicates that some people believe it should not be acceptable for women to say no to sex. But it IS acceptable, so deal with it. Or find a woman who can be coerced into sex; I'm sure there are plenty of those.

Well...youre the only one agreeing with and arguing for the OP, so maybe your logic is just whacked?