Other Woman Same Bed No Sex, Am I a Bad Boyfriend?

[Gigabitch]

And when it comes out six months later that there were, indeed, girls on the Vegas trip and they stayed in the same room? She would ****ing set him on fire.

[Doc Durian]

And when it comes out six months later that there were, indeed, girls on the Vegas trip and they stayed in the same room? She would ****ing set him on fire.

6 months later means a whole new change of girl line up. She'd never meet the previous girls, and the guys wouldn't mention them either lest it ruin their chances of scoring.

The boys themselves would be tight lipped as boys do, and no one would be the wiser for it.

2-3 months might get him set on fire.

6 months is getting off scot free.

But then, which is the bad boyfriend?

The one who cheated and said nothing or the one who did nothing and said nothing because he cared about the emotional well being of his main squeeze? lol

[Gigabitch]

They both are. Look, what we want is for guys to 1) see trouble coming before it blows up in their faces and 2) do preemptive damage control.

Both of the above are after-the-fact scenarios. The phone call as soon as he found out there were girls going on the trip would have saved his bacon. If she still pitched a fit, then she would be the unreasonable one, but that's not what happened.

[Doc Durian]

That's a fem holding cake and eat it too scenario, Giga.

He told, and he was screwed. I know of very few women on this earth who would say, "no worries. You have a good time and I'll be here, arms and legs open for when you get back, my very trusted darling man, you!".

The moment he would have divulged, her fem derailment senses would have kicked into hyperdrive looking for a way to softly terminate the situation and if not an option, to turn into a snarling mass of green gore.

Alpha females are seldom tested but always react somewhat predictably, and having a GF makes her your alpha female regardless of her prior temperment or indications.

The irony is that in some cases, the man who divulges, doesn't cheat or host a cheating thought in his head for the entire time, and arrives home... finds his missus calling him too much of a nice guy.... thrill is gone, etc.. or worse, his masculinity is called into question because he didn't drop trouser snake into the open rabbit warrens made available to him.

These situations are often lose/lose for the man despite his best/worst behaviour.

A loose thread of feminism never fully trimmed or re-darned.

[Gigabitch]

As an alpha female, I would have been on the next plane out there.

[Doc Durian]

Giga... Would you drop whatever you had planned during the duration of his absence? Give the fam or friends the raincheck? Ditch the spa resort or clan weekly campfire event? etc... in order to arrive late to something which you already passed on in order to be with your bf because you suddenly "missed him" or would you just admit that you're insecure or a very jealous person to the girls watching you flock to his side the moment other cat meows are heard or detected?

Darlin, that's not an Alpha Female behaviour I'd oblige a believable exchange of Arrivals PDA or maybe that's just me and I'm blissfully unaware of an inferior leader board status possibly lurking in my reality.

But no worries, we can agree to disagree. We can even sort of see eye to eye on the whole "Domesticated men being let off their leash? Is it really even worth the effort anymore, guys?" consensus... so that's something.

Guys, I've seen the light!

Let us stay home forever locked away in either the well pitched or makeshift dens we all consider our primordially respective nirvanas. Caught up in the ever degenerating routine of toil/servitude/boredom/responsibilities, we will take solace in knowing that at least our social/personal time is being happily chick-jacked and used to strut around with shopping bags and no man attached to either.

but, wait a minute.... something is fishy here.... if a man and a woman can share the same bed without any impropriety whatsoever, shouldn't the "alpha female" be patiently waiting at home for the moment she can give him a reward?

All men are dogs afterall and only our scooby snacks have truly evolved.

Shouldn't we get a scooby feast for letting love turn off our biological focal point of existance?

You know... the whole kit and caboodle.. A case of premium beer between the pair of you, kids and/or pets sent to the kennels... Warrant over 25 stereo increments as your horny gf/wife tries to keep pace with Cherry Pie then proposes instead that you both retire to the hot tub which she's filled with beefy jerky, enough pulverized field mushrooms to knock Pluto into random orbit, and her giddishly trembling bod?

Afterwards, when she's made you comfy for the cable sports channel, she as the alpha female would dutifully bake cookies and send a batch to the other side of the equation... the girl you slept beside, for also not copulating or attempting it.



Yeah, alright... far fetched. Hardly any hot looking chick likes Warrant these days much.

And how many of them left know how to bake cookies without burning a ledge on their tummies?

At any rate, trust is as trust does.

Would you really embarrass your man by jetting off towards him and catching his leash with your teeth?

[girl68]

Umm Doc what you say here is totally and completely irrelevant.

[Doc Durian]

Why is it irrelevant to you?

[bluesummer]

I don't think I'd dump my fiance over it, but I'd certainly make it plain as day that it was unacceptable and plain dumbass behaviour. He'd be almost entirely excused for telling me right away, but leaving it for four days would not impress me, just because it looks like he was biding time to concoct a story. Trust me, been there before.

My man is completely trustworthy (just a little naive at times), so it wouldn't be him I'd be suspicious of. It would be the bitch that dared to crawl into bed with him. She would be wise to be at least three timezones away from him at all times in the future if she didn't want her ass handed to her.

OP, I think your GF will realize that dumping you was maybe over the top (unless she's been putting up with behaviour like this from you consistenly for the past four years). If you want her, you should apologize and let her know that you know how dumb what you did was. You don't seem eager to fight for her, not sure why.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't get it. Weren't they all in the same room? Its not like he went to sleep next to some gal in a private bedroom (unless I missed that part).

After being with someone for 4 years, you either trust them or you don't. If my husband did what the OP did, including the delayed fessup, I'd believe him. I'd call him an idiot for lying, but he'd probably tell me his first instinct was to keep his balls. I can't say for sure I'd take it completely calmly, and I bet her response is typical. There's a point in there somewhere, I think.

Guys do say/stupid stuff like this all the time. They admit it freely. So, he fessed up in the end, she reacted, and I suspect the deciding factor after 4 years will be what kind of issues they had in their relationship prior to this trip. If its been volatile, then the break is probably for the best.

I also wonder why she didn't go on the trip, but I certainly wouldn't drop my life to go and police his penis if there were other gals on the trip. Either I trust, or I don't. If I don't, then I shouldn't be with that person.

[Perryville]

Regret, why didn't you just get another room? Go to another hotel? Why didn't you call her when you first were told about the other girls? Why didn't you offer to sleep on the floor/other bed/ roll out bed/ or anywhere else? Then you lie and cover it up. When all you had to do, was make sure you weren't in the same room as they were. GOOD JOB!!! Didn't you think at all? Sorry if this is sounds harsh, but I regard your problems as self-inflicted. You need to man-up and be there for her, take your ass-whipping, and quit whining. Sorry again.

[vashti]

I'm guessing we are talking a pretty young (and therefore perpetually broke) guy.

[Perryville]

Something......Point is that there was no earthly reason for the OP to sleep in the same bed with the girl, I'm sure that any of the other guys would have exchanged places with him. And then to lie about it , when several people already know, is plain stupid.

[Doc Durian]

Sometimes sleeping arrangements muck up. There aren't enough available rooms, sofas, kitchen chairs arranged in a line, etc... You make do with whatever you can.

Lying isn't stupid.

Getting caught and making drama could be.

[Perryville]

Lying isn't stupid? Ask the OP, look what lying got him into! Everybody makes mistakes, lying when you're caught, just pisses people off, far more than if you just come clean. Dishonesty has killed more relationships/marriages than any other cause. BTW , all he had to do was switch with someone, there is NO WAY he couldn't at least have done that. I've done far worse than this guy, but have always owned up to my f**k-ups, taken my lumps like a man, and went about my business.