Would You Want to Know?

[DoesntMatter]

What's this deal with his "moral character" Giga? Are you referring to his lying? Or does he have an actual skeleton in his closet?

[DoesntMatter]

Go on Giga, tell us what's up

[Gigabitch]

I think that if you have to explain to someone that lying is wrong, you're dealing with a serious moral deficiency. It hadn't even occurred to him that I would be particularly focused on THAT.

[DoesntMatter]

Yeah..... idk... This is new territory for me Giga idk what to say

[vashti]

Do you think you should postpone the wedding until you are feeling a little better about his moral character?

[tooxshort]

Do you think you should postpone the wedding until you are feeling a little better about his moral character?

I certainly hope it doesn't come to that ...

Some men can't deal with shame ... Could that have played a part in the lie? I know it isn't really an excuse, but it's a big deal to some people.

[Gigabitch]

Do you think you should postpone the wedding until you are feeling a little better about his moral character?

Do you think I should marry someone who lied to my face for a year and a half about something he didn't have to lie about? If shame were his motivating factor, believe me, he would have withheld telling me about some of the other people on that list instead.

No, unfortunately, I think he withheld this from me because it really mattered to him. I don't think this was just "something that happened between two friends".

[misombra]

do they see each other a lot?

[Gigabitch]

She lives in the Bay Area, so no, not lately.

She and I email each other quite a lot, chat on Facebook, etc. She's in our lives. This is what I was talking about when I told him I needed to know about these things. Now I feel like they've been keeping an ugly secret from me, together.

I feel so miserable.

[vashti]

Have you talked to her about this?

[misombra]

i would never be able to keep something like that from my friend. especially if we were hanging out a lot.

[Gigabitch]

No, I don't feel that I can tell her about this. She didn't want anyone to know about it, so as far as she knows, nobody does. She was in the middle of a breakup when it happened (one night stand) and then she got back together with the guy, so there's a lot of damage that could be done by this getting out.

I'm not pissed off at her about it- why would I be? She's not the one I told explicitly that I needed to know these things. She's not the one who looked into my eyes and lied.

[IndiReloaded]

What were his motives for fessing up now? Was it change of heart or was he gonna get busted eventually anyway?

Is he sabotaging things deliberately, knowing this would be a big deal to you.

I'm sorry you are feeling hurt babe. DON'T do anything about this now while the emotions are high (emotions UP = intellect DOWN).

WAIT before actually doing anything about this. Tell him you are upset but don't do anything else. Breathe. Get away from him for a while if you must.

[Gigabitch]

I told him to get out of the house for a while. I need to go home and cry into my pillow. I only got about three hours of sleep last night.

We've been exchanging emails all day, talking in circles. If he calls me, I won't pick up the phone. I can't talk to him right now.

His motives for fessing up... this is really a sticking point for me. He says he knows he would never have been busted and just felt that it was something he wanted to get off his chest.

My belief is that the word sabotage might be very appropriate.

[IndiReloaded]

She lives in the Bay Area, so no, not lately.

She and I email each other quite a lot, chat on Facebook, etc. She's in our lives. This is what I was talking about when I told him I needed to know about these things. Now I feel like they've been keeping an ugly secret from me, together.

I feel so miserable.

L slept with a good friend of mine when we were all college housemates. They were dating. I know all about it.

Not that the situation is the same, since I'm not his fiancee.

But if I *was* & he didn't tell me, especially after I asked, I would be really, really angry. Especially since I am still good friends with this gal.

Not sure what blame your friend has with any of this, tho. You didn't ask her to fess up, you asked him.

Maybe you should talk w/her about it. Its probably enough time passed that its NBFG to her & she might give good advice on this. I had a VERY interesting conversation with my friend about Lance, lol. She told me he was, in her opinion, the most selfish person she'd ever dated. This came from a very nice lady who never speaks ill of anyone. It was quite the eye-opener for me.

My two cents.